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aLBERThOFFMAN

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Everything posted by aLBERThOFFMAN

  1. If I saw that on tv I would automatically think it was going to turn into some weird Simpson's themed porno. Blaming the internet.
  2. Man, fries supreme is my shit. Like nachos, but fries. Dat heartburns so good.
  3. Ouuu lunch date may-b ~* Yeah I've seen that before but never thought to tackle it, imagine all of that to the dome?
  4. Same but I thought it was was overpriced. 8 bucks plus tax for 3 tacos that didnt even fill me up, not cool. Good thing I got 6.
  5. Don't lie you got top centre on speed dial and you feelin sum typa way cuz she got locked and you caught feelings. You can get through this bruh
  6. Another time an elderly female customer shat herself, to the point of it leaking out her pant leg and she tracked it throughout the store. I felt bad for the janitor dude there, he literally had to deal with some shit.
  7. I used to work at a grocery store in high school and there was this one particular cashier who was overweight say 300lbs, black (not relevant but adds depth to the story), and always had a distinct smell of B.O. and stank ass marinated cod fish left in the sun for a couple hours. No one every really mentioned this to her because it was awkward as fuck, but you could fully smell her from the other side of the store when she was on cash. Anyway we had employee washrooms upstairs in the lunch room and a private customer one downstairs where you could lock the door and have some privacy which I would always use to take shits. So one day near the end of my shift I thought it would be a good idea to kill the rest of the time on the shitter making dat whopping $8.90/hr. Off to the customer washroom I go and as I open the door, I am greeted with the aforementioned stank but in the highest concentration I'd ever been exposed to, along with the image of said large woman sitting on the toilet with her cottage cheese thighs hanging off either side of the seat. I reacted immediately by yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!" essentially in her face, slamming the door and getting the fuck out of there. Some things can never be unseen. We worked together for a year after this but never spoke about it. I told all my buddies in other departments though, and whenever I made eye contact with her from then on I could tell she was still tripping as hard about it as I was scarred.
  8. Streaks are whatever and easily avoidable if I choose to or not. What really gets under my skin is when dudes cover a nice clean panel with big tags or hollows and I get to the spot and have to waste extra paint backgrounding over your dumb ass.
  9. I actually kind of liked it, saw it a few years ago mind you but it had some real good quotes in it.
  10. But how will people know how cool I am on the internet?? I also enjoy negging people who deserve it.
  11. I ain't even mad, half off is half off.
  12. 50% off coupon for Dominos with my last order. Thy heavens hath blessed me with such an amazing deal. Bet yo bitch ass ima take advantage of this shyt.
  13. Just gonna leave this here. Toronto benching video my boy made.
  14. At least I can log in now :D
  15. That one time those undos were fronting like a college couple. Tot I got to the homie's place before he did and his cock ring was chillin on the bed. Tot living the broke life using tobacco from smoked butts for poppers. Tot we rolled some kid a spliff with pubes in it for his birthday.
  16. Pork chop sandwich /nh. With coleslaw on the bun.
  17. One night I was chilling and drinking with my girl and she passed out on my bed. I wasn't tired yet and wanted to secks so I decided I would try and wake her up by going down on her. After 15 seconds she got up startled, drunkenly walked over to the doorway near my bathroom, squatted and started pissing on this big bag of empty paint cans I had left there. Once I realized what was happening I was like wtf nahh and guided her to the toilet. Made her clean it up once she regained full consciousness. :D
  18. I get pissed when I see dudes checking out my girl... I would not be okay with dating someone who gets paid to grind on dudes/show off the goods, regardless of how much she makes.
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