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aLBERThOFFMAN

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Everything posted by aLBERThOFFMAN

  1. Wanderlust. Do you like my erection, selection? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-Cjn7JMqgE (scene is priceless)
  2. I've been to a couple bridge spots that have been completely taken over by makeshift bum villages. I'm talking like 10-12 tents made of old clothes, blankets, tarps and such. Weird vibes were felt walking through and painting down there, not knowing whether or not there's multiple homeless guys passed out right next to you. One time again under a bridge, there was a pipe sticking out of the ground that was wrapped with a sock and multiple layers of condoms. A makeshift hobo dildo was my guess, shit was grimy as fuck. My buddies told me they found an old rusted revolver in a water tunnel. Same guy also came across human remains/bones at a spot that the cops eventually found, that shit was all over the news a few weeks later.
  3. I've done pieces on girls before and I always use acrylic markers or anything water-based. Elmers and water-based sharpies work well. Yes they don't pop as hard as decos but those are also xylene based, and don't wash off as easy. Most bitches are dumb enough that they won't know the difference, but I'm not an asshole whose about to mark up a girl with something potentially harmful.
  4. Killing time at work. Excuse the sloppiness, I suck at sketching.
  5. I went to an atm to withdraw some cash and the guy before me walked away leaving at least $140 chillin in the machine. I grabbed it, ran after him and handed it over. He didn't offer me anything, just thanked me a bunch of times. I'm trying to build my karma back up, my scumbag teenage self would have kept it.
  6. Just took a shit, currently lurking the oontz, listening to music and drawing at work making $14.50/hr. Gonna grab lunch soon. I think I'm winning at life at the moment, the 6:30 a.m. wake up sucks thoe. Gonna drink liquor for my weekend antics this time around. I don't know how much more of these beer shits I can endure. Congrats injury, welcome to the zombie life.
  7. Your teeth scribe deep into just about any surface, TRUST ME. As far as etch, a virgin's tears in a mop works better than any acid or bath I've fucked with. Also way cheaper and easier to come across. Keep these two tips in mind and you'll be the next king Cope2 of your hood in no time.
  8. Your teeth scribe deep into just about any surface, TRUST ME. As far as etch, a virgin's tears in a mop works better than any acid or bath I've fucked with. Also way cheaper and easier to come across. Keep these two tips in mind and you'll be the next king Cope2 of your hood in no time.
  9. That's cringe-worthy. Tag-banging since '08, started painting/sketching/piecing in '11. Been told enough times that I progress faster than most. Never be satisfied with your shit, always strive for improvement. Stay humble, your ego is not your amigo.
  10. THIS. Or sometimes spice it up with some dark blue or purple in the fill or highlights and some mid-light orange for background. Mmmmm.
  11. When I used to work at a grocery store I would put dropped fruit back on the shelves after them rolling all over the grimy floor in the back room. Anything from apples and heads of lettuce, to entire cases of berries and whatnot. There's a reason why you should wash your produce. I would also only shit in the 1-person customer washroom and take my sweet ass time in there. Nothing like the feeling of making some asshole customer wait while you pinch the most lethal loaf or beer shit, leave it without flushing and then walk out and make eye contact in your unwashed uniform. Seriously, working in a grocery store will really test your sanity. I've never been treated so horribly unwarranted by random people while helping them with their shit. After I graduated, me and my boys would crash high school parties when we were bored and offer kids ruthlessly giant poppers (bong toke with weed and a piece of cigarette). We'd just laugh our asses off as some preppy faggot coughs his balls off and almost pukes/passes out in front of all his friends and girls he was trying to mack on. There was this annoying motherfucker who used to always tag along/ find a way to get into parties me and the homies went to, but no one really liked the guy. Anyway for his birthday we rolled him a spliff with a 4:1 pube to weed ratio. Buddy knew something was up cause none of us would hit it, but the poor fuck smoked that pube doob down to the filter. We just kept saying naw man its your birthday joint whenever he would offer. He found out the next day and needless to say we didn't see much of him after that.
  12. More people need to bump this thread, I know all you mofos have flicks for days. I will contribute when I get a chance..
  13. Don't tell me you've never fapped to last longer when it comes down to the line. Not saying I do it every time but it beats that shameful 2 minute first nut.
  14. Hate it when you order a sandwich or burger from somewhere and the bun to meat ratio is like 3:1. Seriously this fucking pisses me off, I didn't pay 6 bucks to get 4 whole bites of some shitty bun I could have gotten at the grocery store for 30 cents. Hate it when you're trying to mack on a bitch and she can't hold a conversation to save her fucking life, or when she doesn't answer texts till like the next day when you're tryna holler. Hate it when you're going to meet your buddy to rock and the shameless prick is like a half hour late. He just strolls along finally and you're like "the fuck bro, I know you know I've been waiting here for time you cocksucker". Hate it when you're wanking it on your bed and you overshoot the tissue and get that shit all over your sheets. Even worse if you just changed them or you got a bitch coming over later. :crap:
  15. High Focus records. Nuff said. I live in Canada and I've been bumping UK hip hop for a couple years now. The contrast in skill between American and UK hip hop is depressing. Contact Play: Jam Baxter: Dirty Dike: Leaf Dog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8S4G8ttdSQ Ed Scissortongue: Fliptrix: Also Jehst and Task Force hold it down proper: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5WQmerE0lo (another cliche graff track that you all probably know already, but still sick) Is it just me or do like 95% of UK rappers do rapspray letters? Also Devilman always gives me a few laughs, fucking character:
  16. I also honor the pics or it didn't happen rule so here you go. Edit: excuse the hugeness, I tried and failed to make it smaller
  17. I have been doing potentially the same routine as John Smith Doe or a similar one for about 4 months now. Keep in mind I'm a tiny motherfucker, 5'3" about 140-145lb. Here's my routine and my PR's: Day 1: Squat 3 sets of 5 after 3 or 4 warmups increasing the weight by 20lb until my actual weight (going up by 5lb each day) PR:175lb Bench 3 sets of 5 after 3 or 4 warmups increasing the weight by 20lb until my actual weight (going up by 5 each day) PR: 120lb Deadlift 1 set of 5 after 3 warmups increasing the weight by 20-30lb until my actual weight (going up by 10 each day) PR: 205lb Day 2: Squat 3 sets of 5 after 3 or 4 warmups increasing the weight by 20lb until my actual weight (going up by 5lb each day) Overhead Press 3 sets of 5 after 3 or 4 warmups increasing the weight by 20lb until my actual weight (going up by 2.5lb each day) PR: 75lb Standing barbell rows with back parallel to the ground 3 sets of 5 after 3 or 4 warmups increasing the weight by 20lb until my actual weight (going up by 5lb each day) PR: 155lb I alternate between the 2 days every time and i lift 3 times a week. I recommend this routine for anyone starting off, just make sure you do your research and do the lifts with really good form to prevent injury. So far my quads, glutes, traps and forearms have blown up from this, as well as I've noticed a huge improvement in my back strength and posture which was horrible from a life of slouching. One thing I recommend which I made the mistake of not doing is to stretch, it will greatly benefit everything and reduce chances of strains.
  18. I'm gonna start off by saying this thread is fucking awesome and has helped me kill time at work for 2 days now. Secondly DSD is a shameless scumbag and my new idol, props to you sir. I don't have many shameful/awesome stories but I'll share what I've got since this thread is sadly dying: This one's not that great but I thought it was pretty awesome at the time. The first time my last ex gave me head was in her best friend's brother's room when they had a party and he wasn't around. I cleaned up with his towel and put it back where i found it, he was a douche. After me and my ex broke up I hollered at this chick that I used to work with and chop chron to who I knew wanted the D. Petite blonde with blue eyes, I figured why not. Invited her over to blaze and smash and I ended up rocking a marker piece on her hip/thigh. It started alright but it turned out her twat stank like a bum's cornhole after sleeping in a dumpster for a week and it was significantly loose. Not to mention I'm pretty sure she wasn't on her rag but she bled on my dick. Majorly turned off I just trekked through and finished. The sad part was that I linked her again because it was so damn easy, the head was good and I just wanted to get it wet. The next time I hit it there was no improvements to the quality but I didn't want to be a dick and tell her straight up (call me a pussy whatever). So anyway I'm smashing it half-limp with my eyes closed just desperately trying to get my nut, while she's just loving it. It got to the point where I was sweating my balls off and I was too tired to go on, so I proceeded to fake an orgasm (I was wearing a dome so this was possible), grunted and gave my member a few throbs to make it a bit more convincing. I got the fuck outta there after that and haven't made any effort to talk to her since, she messages me here and there though I think she caught feelings.
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