The Masturbating Ape

10 10 10 is also 42 in binary, 42 being the answer to life, the universe & everything. Not a bad day to have your birthday.

Fuckin dull tedious bastard. Not to mention cliched, "persue my dreams"? Jesus. Fuckin wet dreams probably.

Also, being done in the butt hurts (I would imagine).

This - Any man who isn't secure enough in his red-blooded heterosexuality to suck another man's penis for financial gain is clearly a closet nancy.

Ostentatious displays of wealth, whether they take the form of big tellies, big cars, ludicrous robes which approximate clothing, differing only in that they are far more expensive are all, by definition, the epitome of vulgarity.

I remember milk money lol, when we moved out of Manchester to this shite-arsed town called Rochdale, I was fuckin incredulous, like "What? People leave money on the fuckin doorstep? ". I felt it my duty to educacate the gullible fools in the ways of the world by pocketing it. Until the milkman and two of his minions gave me a few slaps. Happy days.

ALMOST Feel sorry for the cunts after reading the last para of this http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2010/oct/09/insane-clown-posse-christians-god

A slight digression - There were a few people in this thread boasting of having massive, fuck-off-big 50" tellies. Having an oversized television set is inherently a sign of poor taste. I can only afford a small one.

Re: THE "HOLY SHIT I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN" THREAD............ Agree with the bloated mass of blubber & tallow on this one. My god-daughter's 4 and she's a top laugh, I love takin her to the park n library n shit, better company tham most adults. Again, nopedo.

A paperboy at seventeen!!!???? Seriously, what the FUCK??:lol: :lol: :lol: I had a paper round when I was fucking ten. Cunt probably still goes trick or treating - With his fuckin mam.

In that case, sorry fella.

You're employing the word "sick" as an adjective meaning cool here, are you not, sir?

Have they got visible bits of sweetcorn in?

This weapon dickhead, I doubt his story, looks to me like he's using this daft hacking query as a vehicle to push his anti muslim propaganda. As to whether any of it's true, I neither know nor care, but I'm fairly sure that the root causes of his Islamophobia can be traced back to the self loathing he feels over the fact that the idea of wringing the sweat of of a Tuareg bedouin's y-fronts into a half pint glass and taking a hearty gulp makes him tumnescent with desire. Probably.

Anyone mentioned The Pumpkin Karver? It's shit but has comedy value.

Forgot to mention Def By Tempation - Kinda blaxploitation vampire / social commentry on the reaganomics era effort type shizz. And there's a close up of a "Pray" tag in a subway station if I remember right.

Was it your dysfunctional "uncle" Howie who took you into his dark & mildewed basement, ostensibly to "See some puppies", then proceeded to force you to perform acts which still cause you to wake up at night screaming (whether through pleasure or terror we'll never know, perhaps a combination of the two)?

The forces of law and order would, quite possibly, use DNA evidence to track you down and then you'd be the one in the doo-doo rather than them. Sending faecal matter through the post is an offence & fucking with the mail can be a fairly serious charge. I don't, however, have any problem believing that when you do shit it is invariably diarrhoetic in nature, whether that's due to slackness of sphincter, lack of moral fibre or dietary roughage, charcter deficiency, infection of the digestive tract or a combination of causes, one can only speculate.

Can't believe I forgot to mention Shivers as well - A true classic featuring turd like creatures that enter people through their (ahem) orifices and proceed to turn them into sex crazed monsters of the id. It's better tha it sounds (if that's possible), some cunt's probably already mentioned it.

OP sounds like a mong anyway.

Props for the OP including Re-Animator and Street Trash in his list, but Susperia's a bit borin ,I reckon. Still, each to their own. Anyway, I'd go with - I'm A Cyborg And I'm Ok Thirst Oldboy Bad Taste

Pretty fucked, that. Mind you, he's a chubby li'l bitch for a 21 year old so, essentially, fuck 'im. Up the backside.

Oooh, this kid sounds UMAD, what's wrong, dontcha know that getting all defensive about your drinking is a sure sign of incipient alcoholism? And anyway, there are 5 classifications of drinker, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta & Epsilon, of which the final three are termed as "addicted alcoholics", however, of these, only Delta alcoholics require alcohol constantly in order to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Gamma alcoholics tend to lose control completely, often under the influence of a relatively small amount (nb, this is not the same as an inexperienced drinker biting off more than he/she can chew), however they are capable of periods abstinance, and epsilons have no problem staying sober, but if they have just one drink, then they feel physically compelled to carry on drinking until they pass out and will often repeat this behaviour upon waking up for a number of days or longer. I'm one of these epsilon cunts btw. So actually baby, you don't really know what your talking about. I'd book into some AA meetings pretty fuckin sharpish, otherwise there's a park bench, a pair of heavily soiled, half-mast slacks and a grubby raincoat of indeterminate colour with your name on 'em.

Many alcoholics embark on regular, self enforced periods of abstinance for the sole purpose of deluding themselves and those around them into the belief that they are not, in fact, alcoholics. Sounds like it's only a matter of time 'til you're sat on a park bench, covered completely in a patina of assorted filth, swatting at imaginary demons and shouting incoherent abuse at passers by. Oh yes.

You lost yours when you stuck it through a hole in a toilet cubicle wall in the hope that some perverted cunt in the next stall would furnish you with some measure of sexual relief by placing his chapped and scabby lips around it's weeping, smegma encrusted helmet and sucking like electrolux. Instead, he emasculated you with a cut-throat razor and passed you your (now suddenly flaccid) member through the gap at the base of the partition wall whilst mouthing the words "Scuse me mate, you seem to have dropped this". After being informed at the hospital that it wouldn't be possible to re-attach your dis-embodied manhood, you took it to a taxidermist, had it stuffed and now employ it in the only sexual persuit realistically open to you - Auto-sodomy with your own cock.