OhMyGosh!

Glad to see this thread still active. Awesome to see some of the same people posting. Since the last time I posted in here, more than a year ago, my life has gotten really busy. I got 2 awesome jobs, and then I got fired from 2 awesome jobs. Haha. I got engaged. Some friends of mine died. Some family members died. The wife to be graduated nursing school and is now a registered nurse. I just registered for 1 of 3 classes Ive needed to take for the last decade to finally graduate college. I expanded my firearms collection. I showed some of my art in a couple local galleries. And I celebrated 14 years sober back in june. Despite being the poorest Ive been in a long while, things are good. Living honestly is by far the hardest thing Ive ever tried to do...but Ive been told its a step in the right direction. Living like a scumbag is overrated.

^^^ As I have said numerous times in here...going to meetings and practicing the principals ive been able to learn there...has been the only thing that has kept me from returning to the life I used to live...and as a result of that, I have been able to stay sober. The catch is that things had to get bad enough to where I was willing to give anything a shot. 'if you are willing to go to any lengths, then you are ready to take certain steps.' For me, everything got so old..and I was so tired of it..and I had exhausted all of my options and I didnt know how not to feel the way I felt. If you do decide to give meetings another shot, I would highly suggest taking some of the suggestions that people say at them. Simply sitting there and listening wasnt enough for me to feel better. Swallow your pride, get some phone numbers and call people. Even if its just to say that you think meetings are stupid and god is dumb. At least it shows you can be honest with another person...which took me a long time to be able to do..even about the most trivial of stuff. Best of luck to you man. And I promise you, based on my own experience, that things will get way better than you can believe as long as you stay sober and do the work.

A bit late...but happy anniversary. :) Mine is coming up in june. Lucky 13. Its strange to look back on everything...to think that things really were that bad before. Ive lost touch with pretty much everybody I used to roll with. But through the rumor mill, ive heard of a few deaths. I think there have been a few attempts at sobriety..with not much to show for it. A few dudes are still locked up. Its a dose of reality to see that im not really missing much. When I got sober...things never got any better out there from where I was at...but that stuff was to be expected kind of. Whats even more real to me, is that out of all the people who were getting sober when I was, I dont think any of them have stayed clean. There are maybe a handful that have put some years together after bouncing in and out for a while..but thats it. Ive been to more funerals in sobriety of people who couldnt get it then before. I guess my point in saying all this is to point out the fact that wanting or needing to stay sober was never enough for me to make it happen. A substantial amount had to be done to get to the place where Im at. Things just had to get bad enough to where I was willing to begin doing it. Any of you that are struggling, keep your head up. Its possible to feel better.

POZ. For me, as Im sure ive said before in this thread, 99 percent of the poor choices Ive made in my life were because I was being selfish in some way. I placed what I wanted in front of how it could possibly effect somebody else. This has unfortunately been true years and years into sobriety. Although I have gotten better in a whole bunch of ways, it is still a struggle for me in many ways. The solution (as vague as it sounds) has been to earnestly work on being less selfish...whatever that means. If I am focused on helping somebody else, or on how they feel, that is often enough to not act the way I so often do. An old sponsor of mine used to give me an 'assignment' to help 3 people during the day. It could be anything from giving an extra dollar tip, or holding the door for somebody, letting a car merge or go before me...something simple. BUT, the catch was, that I wasnt allowed to tell anybody about it except for him, the next time we talked. I found that even if I wasnt able to do 3 things, I still had much better days...because I was walking around looking for ways to be helpful/better somebodies life. Take it for what its worth.. That being said: Getting to this point, takes a great deal of practice and failure. And sadly, most addicts trying to govern themselves usually make the wrong decisions. For me, its helped to run it past somebody. If I can do that, instead of just acting or reacting. Things end up better for me. A similar question I used to ask myself is, "HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?" Most of the time, for me, things arent all that important when it comes down to it. They are just things that I really want..which usually means that I am acting selfishly...and I just talked about what can be done to render that. ^^^Wise words.

POZ...awesome to hear youre doing well. I was thinking how fucking cool it is to actually see people get better and turn their lives around. Ive done a lot of shit, and nothing has been able to compare to the feeling I get when I witness that. I think that is a large reason of why I still attend meetings. Despite the many persons who bounce in and out...and those who just simply bounce out and never return..its possible that I may be able to say something or do something that will help somebody get to the point where they are ready to stop..as POZ said, that switch finally gets flicked up. I never know exactly how my actions will impact somebody else..thats a powerful position to be in...and makes me want to be more positive in hopes I have the opportunity to help somebody else. ...and its important to note that i dont do this well alot of the time, but the longer i stay sober, the easier it gets...or at least the more used to it I get. If nothing more, it gives me something to strive for. An ideal.

^^^Thats where the whole principle of 'one day at a time' ...or one moment at a time. The inevitable is often very far off...which doesnt matter now. If shit worked out the way I wanted it to, ha! Id have been dead a long time ago. Looking back on it, I am extremely glad it didnt go that way...but what I learned from it, is that, most things play out exactly the way they are supposed to..regardless of how I may try to interfere with them. Thus far, in my life, that has been the case. If I try and do the next right thing stuff usually goes ok. If im unsure of what that may be..then ive found it to be really helpful to ask somebody. Hahaha...because still..almost 13 years sober...i can fool myself into thinking some of my plans are good ideas. For example...hahaha...it is still extremely difficult for me to not rob people. When I see some rich fuck of a college kid pull out a stack of 20s to pay for a slice of pizza, I want to follow him outside and make him give it to me or take it. That still sounds like a good idea to me. BUT, now that I have a healthy set of people around me, when I tell them about my good idea, they let me know that I probably shouldnt do that. Haha. I guess I still have a ways to go...but, for what its worth, its been a while since i robbed somebody. SO..things have gotten better i suppose.

LUGR...think it through man. Making a poor decision has never improved my circumstances..however shitty they may seem at the moment. I would suggest, from personal experience, to not be alone if possible. Ive found that its alot easier to talk myself into doing something, then out of doing something. If that makes any sense. Having somebody else there makes it harder. Keep your head up man. Things will get better.

Ralphy...there have been many times that I was faaaar closer to picking up than I knew. Scary shit. Im a selfish dude..i think that all persons who are afflicted with addiction are. For me, one of the main reasons I still attend meetings, is because I have been sober for so long. I feel that its of the utmost importance to show that sorry miserable fuck of a newcomer to that it is possible to stay sober and feel better...because there were people like that to show me when I started coming. Thats how it continues to work...i think. Furthermore, if I am in the state of mind of trying to help somebody else, I am not being selfish..which probably has a greater value in maintaining my sobriety and soundness of mind. Every experience Ive ever had, has an important lesson attached to it that I can use to help somebody else, even if....especially if, it went extremely poorly. If nothing more, I know 1 more thing not to do. Keep your head up man.

I havent posted here in a long time. Some cool posts as of late. I havent been out as much as I would have liked..but here are some recenter ones. Enjoy. More here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/t-rexxx/

Somebody once told me that it had very little to do with what or how much I drank or used..but far more about what happened when I did. It stuck with me and I have come to understand that it makes a great deal of sense looking back on things. Every time I got drunk or high there I didnt get into some fucked up situation and feel miserable...but the times I did, drinking and doing other drugs were definitely involved.

Correct!!!

When am I supposed to say the answer? haha.

LOL! I guess that works....not what I was thinking of though. Hahaha.

This.:lol: :lol: :lol:

Catchin' bad guyz.