Good afternoon. (Bare with me here)
I'm not one to discuss shit like this especially on 12oz, but after lurking in this thread for a while now and after reading the posts (here comes the corny shit) you all have inspired me to let it out. Thanks. Sraight up...Again bare with me....
Almost two weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and BAM! Here comes the shakes and the anxiety. That was an everyday occurrence to me... So i get up take like 4 or 5 huge slams of straight vodka to the face to cure the shakes, then i take my Xanax. Mind you I was going through the giant handles of vodka every day and almost half the next day throughout the course of the day at times barely catching a buzz. I was laying there and something came over me. In the back of my head for the past how ever long i was drinking like that I knew I was slowly killing myself and I knew at the rate of drinking i was doing i would be dead soon. but i didnt pay that thought much attention till that morning when something just clicked and told myself i need to stop drinking like this. so i got up and walked to my baby mom's crib and told her that i need to go into rehab or whatever and that i might be gone for a week at most or however long this shit takes. I gave her 400 bucks to watch my kid and get my kid groceries. I then went back home and got stupid brown out drunk and called myself a cab to the hospital to be admitted for alcohol withdraws. They rushed me back and gave me saline to hydrate me and fed me some Ativan and knocked me the fuck out. Next thing I know, I wake up being pulled out of an ambulance on a stretcher at some detox center about a half hour from my spot..
I was like where am I? This fuckbag tells me...DETOX NAGUUR! I was yo I dont want to come to detox and he's like too late, bitch youre here.
Can't i smoke a quick cigarette and gather my thoughts make some calls to let the people who need to know that im here? nope. Shit was like jail. For real they searched me, took all my shit. me being me thought i would try to smuggle in my phone in and i did but it was on its last bar of battery so it died not even within 5 minutes the shit was dead. so i had no numbers or any way of calling anyone. and you could only call local numbers.. i was fucked. after they took my vitals and all that i went to my assigned bed and slept till 3-4pm the next day. they kept waking me up every two hours to check my vitals and blow into a breathalyzer till i blew 0 and my blood pressure was hella high and the shakes just kept coming. i was in hell. alcohol withdrawls are the worst. shaking, sharting, shitting, throwing up, hallucinating, felt like my skin was crawling and bugs were on me. i straight up felt like i was a crackhead or something? it sucked a basket of dicks. These words don't even do the feeling justice. the food was like jail food and you had to line up like you were in jail. shit was awful and so were the other people in there with me..after i was at 0 i was still shaking and stuff, and i was over it. they gave me some kind of benzo to help the shaking after being in there with all those weird fucked up people for a day i was like yo can i just get my shit and be out? the fucker told me know he wasnt comfortable releasing me because of my blood pressure. i got hella hacked about that shit.... i was just laying there in bed thinking these dicklords are keeping me here against my will. i waited for the next round of staff and told the head lady in charge that i am refusing medical treatment and i need to leave. long story short i got outta there and not in a timely manner. the people i was in there with were disgusting. i hated it. my intention was to recover in a hospital then go into rehab for a week. but clearly that didnt happen. but when i was waiting for my 45 dollar cab ride home from detox i wanted a drink so bad but i fought it and not to mention they dont let you smoke in there so i was extra aggro to the 3rd degree. but when i got home i emptied all my alcohol out and smoke some herb and felt so much better.
i woke up the next morning in my bed and wasnt shaking. i was cured and i havent had a drop of alcohol since that one day.
So yeah, that's that. one day at a time right?
I dont necessarily crave a drink, but it helps deal with reality.. i do miss the feeling of being buzzed or drunk. so i guess that is a craving, yeah?
Thanks for reading.