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PITOFZOMBIES

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Everything posted by PITOFZOMBIES

  1. Reading A Million Little Pieces. Was put off by all the Oprah-NY-Times-Best-Seller bullshit, but found a copy for a buck, so i picked it up. Definitely not a bad read thus far. A little repetitive, but a lot of the thoughts while sobering up were. I will say that i could tell it was not an entirely true story from the very first page. I'm not sure if that whole deal was a big publicity stunt or what, but even in the 90's no one gets put on an airplane in a blacked out stupor with open wounds all over their face. I don't recall having quite the sense of doubt about being able to get my shit right that homeboy does. I'm only about 1/3 through the book, but there is definitely a lot to relate to. I'd say it's worth a read (again, thus far) for anyone going through this shit. Reading was a huge part of getting better, for me. Both this forum, as well as other literature/novels/etc. were key in helping me feel like someone had been there before. A major comfort, no doubt. When you keep all that shit in your head and to yourself, and don't have any outside sources to reflect upon, you're much more likely to let your mind start twisting facts around and convince you that you got it under control this time... It is pretty funny to think about some housewives and clean-cut professionals reading about this shit and thinking they can wrap their head around it. Not necessarily a bad thing that they have a glimpse, i guess... but it's just that, a "glimpse"... Blah blah blah
  2. Homeboys found a phone in a taxi once. They went through the photos and found a bunch of presumably self-taken nudes of dude. Proceeded to find Mom and Dad in the contacts (and a bunch of others) and sent the photos. All bad, but truly hilarious, and a lesson about not being a douchebag.
  3. caliG... homeboy has your phone.
  4. ^^^ That's pretty rad. I knew you were working on something to that effect, but didn't know that you were almost there. I would love to pursue something like that, potentially down the road. I've been contemplating hitting up a meeting, just for old time's sake. No real reason beyond kind of longing for someone talk about shit with. I have a few homies who are sober, but i'm not sure they totally 'get it,' if that makes sense. They don't typically have much profound insight into the subject, and their little bit of understanding usually falls short of anything i feel like going out of my way to hear. I'm fairly sure one just goes to meetings to socialize, as he is near many young adult groups, and he has alluded to such reasoning, although he probably would deny it. I'd almost like to swing by the group i used to attend, just to let 'em know i'm still handling shit despite my disappearance. Maybe also let them know why i stopped coming, so they're aware that arrogance can scare people off. I don't know. Maybe i'll leave it alone.
  5. 1 year 6 months today. I haven't been keeping track since i hit the year mark, but i happened to notice the date. Anyway, hope you guys are hanging in there. The sleep issues go away. One of the worst parts of the initial detox is the feeling that it is never going to end. Each day that you wake up expecting to feel decent and you don't is pretty soul-crushing and demotivating. I know that feeling, and it sucks. Don't let it dictate how far you take it. It took me a bit over a week to get to where i felt pretty normal. I have a fast metabolism too, so i imagine that may have sped up the time it took me to get through the rut. I fucking swear that shit goes away, and it will happen sooner than you think. Another huge part of recovery for me was hearing people (who has some time under their belts) nail down the shit i was going through. Knowing that it was a normal part of getting better was enough to keep me going. It was comforting and reassuring knowing that people before me had done it. I haven't really been doing my part of sharing the shit i went through, lately, so i'll try to do more of it.
  6. Don't mix work and play beyond a reasonable point. Don't stress too much about money.
  7. Pretty much the uniform at this point.
  8. That mentality is a huge part of your problem. I know you're a smart dude, and i don't even have to tell you. You've already defeated yourself. The goal is not something so unreachable that you need to feel incapable of achieving it... it's right there. I had an instance of feeling defeated today while skateboarding. I was filming some line and it was giving me grief. Took a few slams and all that... guilt for dragging the filmer back and forth. It was that black hole you get in when you're TOO focused. Anyway, i started feeling in my head like i was wasting my time, like i'd done last time i tried to film something. But i caught myself and was like "Nah, fuck that, i got this..." and handled it a few tries later. Don't really know where i was going with that, but i guess i just know how it feels to lose motivation in a given situation. Try to think of other goals that you've reached and how you got yourself to them. Use those techniques to get sober. If you feel like you don't know what's at the end, at sobriety, i'll say that it's fuckin' worth it. A lot of my failed attempts were impacted by my not being sure it was what i wanted. Finally i realized that i not only wanted it, but i needed it. The rest was fairly simple.
  9. impressive tranny footy. Should have left out the street shit though, it was painful to watch.
  10. Drinking some of the best coffee i've ever tasted in my lady's bed, listening to Fugazi's "The Repeater"... 'bout to go skate the Nike park.
  11. "That's when you get some of the most frequent and realistic nightmares you've ever experienced. Intense feelings of dread and anxiety thump through your sleeping mind... Remember that your brain is not only more active but also in panic mode. It has become so used to having alcohol that it started thinking it was one of your normal bodily fluids. Imagine if you suddenly gave up food, taking all of your nutrients via an IV instead. Even if you were getting everything you needed, for a while your empty stomach would still send out the pain alarm that says, "INSERT FOOD OR YOU WILL DIE, DUMBASS!" The inside of a detoxing alcoholic's head is freaking out in the same manner. I'm one year sober as of last week, and I've never felt better or more proud of myself in my life. And in that year, I have not woken up even one time with a cock drawn on my face." These parts rang true. Thanks for posting that, SayWORD... while it was a bit crude and childish at times, he hit some nails on their heads for sure.
  12. Silas is a beast. See a bit of him 'round here. He doesn't seem to let up with his shredding.
  13. I sometimes wonder how i managed to finally end up on the long-term sober tip. It's easy to say that someone will get sober when they're finally ready to. I definitely hit that point where shit was not looking good for me and i knew i had a problem to deal with. I think the advice and discussions i was subject to during those weeks are what helped set it a bit deeper in stone. I think you need both a strong conviction to fix yourself, as well as a heap of insight from multiple sources as to what it is you're dealing with. There were definitely some key things said to me that stuck and possibly were clutch in my sobriety continuing. Some of the shit people told me was meaningless, and i don't like the idea of abandoning your identity and free will because it's "the only way the program works". The key word there is PROGRAM... it can still be done even if all that shit seems lame. I'm proud of the manner in which i got to where i am. I don't dare take all the credit, but it took a lot of time and introspection to sort through my problems... I'm still at it. I definitely learned a lot from the program, but the particular group i attended was a bit on the over-bearing side, and i felt like magic kool-aid would be handed to me in a paper cup if i didn't move on down my path. I really wish there were more meetings that completely left out AA's concept of sobriety. I might actually go to those because i am NOT trying to fucking pray. I was ready to deal with it and i gratefully used the tools i had at my disposal as i saw fit. I guess sobriety, to me, is kind of what i'd imagine having a kid is like. I guess the birth would be the first realization that you have a problem that ain't going away. Shit is scary as hell at first, and there are some sleepless nights, but it gets better. Nurture that sometimes-unwanted little monster until it can walk, and feed itself and it stops shitting in its clothes. It will just sort of exist there after a while, free of your constant attention... naturally. You'll think about it every day, but it will be mostly self-supporting and will feel effortless, and hopefully the motherfucker will support you when you're old. /ramble /metaphor LUGR, where you at homie? i know you were in a rough patch and i haven't seen you on here for a bit.
  14. shit is out of hand. can't keep up.
  15. Find a hobby. the self loathing subsides with time. boredom is part of life. it doesn't have to consume all of your time though. learn to appreciate things as they are, not a distorted version of them.
  16. Thanks for the feedback, folks. Life is good.
  17. Dear Zachary was fucked. Fuck the system. Compliance was only watchable/believable due to its truth. Not the best acting/writing... not sure how much it was embellished. Visioneers was definitely worth the watch. Strange. Glad to see Galafianakis being himself, but not overly so. The Words was good too. Bradley Cooper seems to pick solid movies and typically is enjoyable to watch. That said, Silver Linings was very entertaining. Thanks to all of you who recommended those movies. I was in a serious quality movie drought.
  18. exactly. still here, ol' buddy? this thread deserves more play
  19. trying not to take a shit at my girl's house.
  20. So i've been trying to approach making other changes in my life in the same manner that i managed to quit drinking. I.E. personality flaws. I find my asshole-ish ways are causing problems. Not severe, life-ruining shit, but enough that i want to address it. It's a much less tangible 'addiction', so it's harder to catch myself at times. And perhaps the lack of repercussions is another factor in how (un)aware of it i am. Does anyone have any experience with this? Before i go Google shit and sift through all that i figured i'd ask you guys. Any insight is appreciated.
  21. + it seems that cream cheese is one of the most common denominators in these combinations... kudos to whoever made the best weird condiment.
  22. skateboarding is pretty much the best thing on this planet. here's a clip of my boy George. One of the most kind, genuine cats i've come across. His skateboarding is the epitome of "a pleasure to watch". No brain-hurting, over-the-top tricks. Everything is done cleanly and with a solid and unique style. I think skateboarding should head toward more footy like this.
  23. keep at it, player. the sleep shit gets better. that was actually one of the things that improved most once i got through the initial grit of the first part of recovery. once your body is used to not being all fucked up all of the time, it adjusts and begins functioning like it was built to. appetite, sleep pattern, mental processes... they all come back in full effect and it feels pretty damn good. all i can say regarding staying on course is, don't let yourself become satisfied. don't ever fool yourself into thinking you've 'proven' anything and don't forget the shame that drinking/whatever brought you. Don't put too much thought into future events either... IE "well, i'll probably make an exception for Halloween in a month, cuz, i mean, it's Halloween..."... that shit will lead to you caving earlier and ending up back to square one. plus, fuck all those drinking holidays. that shit is anticlimactic at best, and it's no reason to lapse into a shitfest. And don't be afraid to aim high, too. Think about how good it will feel to hit a year. I was anxious to get to certain markers of time, and it wasn't a bad thing to keep those goals in mind, while also keeping the "Day at a time" mantra on repeat. Being sober has caught me little to no flack and almost purely respect from my peers, some of who are pretty hard partiers and definitely not on the wagon in any sense. Not hanging around childish scum who put pressure on you to do dumb shit is nearly as important as having a will to stay away from the shit. Even if you're not trying to be sober, those kind of people aren't worth keeping around, so nix them from your life either way... waste of time This was not directed to you, fictionator, just an inspired rant. get to that month mark and see how you feel... and then keep going, cuz it gets better and better.
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