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Tails0nE

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Everything posted by Tails0nE

  1. Jibarito sandwich with arroz con gandules along with a mango smoothie.. I called off work today because since yesterday I've been feeling hella off.. yesterday I felt super lightheaded, dizzy, nauseated and just kind of disassociated in a sense.. felt flush a couple times in the face and chest and a subtle tingling feeling in my hands once or twice.. I took the cut yesterday, got home, smoked, felt OK but still a weird feeling in my head.. same this morning but not as full blown as yesterday so hopefully this will help me feel a bit better.. smoothie is a fuckin hit tho that's for sure..
  2. First couple of songs that came on shuffle this morning..
  3. I've had the app for a couple days now and I gotta say it's pretty dope.. I think because my brain is kind of subconsciously wired already to just open up apps and browse randomly having the app makes it easier to just pop on in and engage rather than opening up chrome finding the 12oz tab and scrolling from there.. there is a subtle lag when going back to the home page or between threads but nothing too crazy i dont mind it.. plus given how complicated the process can be with getting the app to the right specifications and also onto the play store I'm sure in due time everything will look and run better than ever.. Got this bad boy right on the homescreen.. also I have an android btw and it works flawlessly.. can't wait to see what improvements are in store..
  4. The lil golden cherry tomatoes on the side make it even better imo.. just the right addition of sweet and savory and compliments the brioche well.. Low key been popping them bitches like m&ms throughout the day too as a lil snacky snack..
  5. Haven't made this in quite a while.. Serious gourmet shit..
  6. Just crushed two of these bad boys.. breakfast/lunch since it's the first thing I've ate all day..
  7. oh man embedded player..? siiiiiccckkk.. lately my music taste is all over the place.. not much interesting in hiphop/rap lately in my opinion besides some random joints here and there.. mainly more in the phonk area finding dope remixes and shit along with the occasional metal and oldies mixed in between.. been listening to alot of gojira as well lately.. ill post a couple random bangers that ive been bumping recently.. *computer is being stupid, or more likely its me.. ill post some later..
  8. yeah its definitely been a while.. posted an update in the positivity thread or whatever just because i felt it was needed after everyones input.. definitely gonna try and pop in alot more tho
  9. hey all you kool katz and kittenz... definitely has been a while since ive been on here, apologies for going ghost on here after my massive wall of text. After writing that i kind of fell into my own hole of despair and depression and while i do GREATLY appreciate the responses and dms from everyone, i felt kind of like a simp just wining about my problems. Granted, i know that's not the case but in my head re-reading it just seemed like a bunch of "waaaahhh poor me" but i know thats my head just fucking with me.. i guess its only right that i update ya'll with some things since you've taken the time to read my wall-o-text and actually take the time to give some insightful wisdom/advice as well as open up yourselves. so me and the "room mate" now have been ok.. still called it off like right around last april-ish or so.. met someone at my job and slowly it became a big thing.. we definitely fell for eachother but recently she broke it off with me because she started going to therapy herself and with the passing of her dad whom she was extremely close to along with other things shes kind of burried deep inside she said she needs some time alone to process everything and figure herself out but left me with the promise of once she gets her mind right we can pick up right where we left off.. at first it sucked and i kind of slipped up by not giving her said space she asked for but recently we've began speaking again as friends and ive been not trying to bombard her in any way.. so i guess good progress..? at this point im just taking it day by day and put the trust and faith in her that everything will work out the way it should and not trying to put so much pressure on it.. i guess let it happen organically.. if not, it is what it is.. as far as the "room mate" situation, we had to renew the lease out of nowhere since management changed and we only had a month to decide on what to do.. she tried saying we can slowly work on us or just stay as "room mates who occasionally fuck" to which i replied we'll see.. tried going with her to her companies holiday party just to be nice, which turned into her getting extremely drunk and trying to fight me in the hotel room along with spitting in my face and bringing up bullshit from 4 years ago. to which brought out the old me and i ended up calling her out on the dude she slept with behind my back that i never mentioned to her that i knew of.. called it from there that we are never working it out anymore.. and since i was seeing the other girl i never slept with her while me and the other one was involved.. shes still lazy and doesnt clean or anything which is hella annoying but at this point its whatever.. im doing what i gotta do to get out and focus on bettering myself she can do whatever she pleases.. but now for the more positive aspect of everything.. i did recently buy a used car finally.. had to pull some strings which im beating myself up over but at the end of the day, i bought it on a tuesday, got everything situated by wednesday, insurance on thursday, cashed out no car payments or anything.. as everyone has told me, "pretty baller move", as well as not going for broke as far as savings.. work is stoopid and everyone there is whack.. with them trying to only give me 3 days these past two weeks ive been looking for part time gigs here and there on the side to make that patio season money along with actually following through with this voice over demo reel ive worked on but procrastinated on finishing.. already looked into some agencies to send this reel to so they can start finding work specifically for my type of voice so that way i can slowly make that a more primary source of income yet still have a couple bartending/serving gigs on the side and not have to worry about what restauraunt i will be at next.. cause honestly, the service industry is still fucked but thats an entirely different conversation.. all in all i have been journaling alot almost every other day when i do remember or have the time to.. recently got into fountain pens like the nerd i am which makes me want to write even more.. im trying my best to stay positive and take things day by day and not overthink every single negative case scenario that i make up or imagine in my head.. now that i have a car i feel alot more relieved and better about myself.. im pushing myself to stay creative and use that as its own form of therapy although i am looking on going to actual therapy since my recent partner started her journey it kind of gave me the ambition to follow through myself.. im actively picking up extra shifts at work for now to save up more money to hopefully move out on my own within the next couple of months along with trying to have a side gig to help facilitate everything.. not to create another massive wall-o-text, all in all i guess im doing somewhat better and trying to improve my thought process and actually being proud of my recent accomplishment.. getting back to music has helped me block out the world around me and stops my brain from overthinking like it likes to do.. the living situation is whatever but im doing what i can to get out of it and better myself in any way that i can.. Just wanna give a shout out and thank you to everyone who reached out and actually read and responded to my last post however long ago it was.. I genuinely, truly, whole heartedly appreciate it with everything in me for your responses as well as all of the advice and knowledge you all have given me.. dont think i can thank you guys enough for listening to me ramble on.. love you oontz 🖤
  10. ello gov'na didnt mean to dissapear.. life be lifin' but im alive and well for the most part.. whats the word nerds..?
  11. Always seen ads for this online and seen it at the store yesterday and figured I'd give it a try.. definitely different texture wise.. think of, a milkshake with protein powder and oats in it so like a thick oaty consistency that you can drink.. not bad tbh but definitely gave me the shits like 45 minutes afterwards.. not bad tho 🤷đŸŊ‍♂ī¸
  12. So.. I've seen this thread before when someone commented some obviously not positive things a little while ago and with the way my life be lifin' right now I figured I'd take a second to be a little vulnerable with you guys on here in search for some potential positive affirmations/advice or even some would say guidance if you will.. I don't wanna give up too much personal info cause, ya know the whole anonymity thing, but ya boy is not feeling well mentally.. like at all.. and haven't been for quite a fucking while now... Long story short, I feel like I'm stuck in my current situation/relationship and for quite a while now it's been a huge negative impact onto me and my mental health.. she means well but has this victim mentality to where everything is out to get her also can't let go of things from the past even from her previous relationships and constantly throws it in my face.. more importantly, and this is the main thing here, I can't keep being someone's personal therapist when they take everything I say advice/guidance wise and manipulate it to be the most negative thing I can even think of or say.. literally to the point to where it's like those are two completely different sentences.. and especially when I'm still trying to work out my own bullshit and problems let alone yours on top of it.. she claimed she has border personality disorder and only sees black and white, right or left, no in between.. I'm nervous to break it off because that's when she gets petty and starts threatening me with the car we share and that I helped pay for as well as maintenance issues to get my son every other weekend.. she's already done it before when we've argued and even gotten to the point where shell throw my clothes on the couch and tell me to leave, then when I do she blows my shit up hours later and begs me to come back.. everything is such a chore to even talk to her with or about and it's draining to even keep a conversation with her because she eventually throws some negative ass shit in the mix for legit no reason.. This has been an issue to where it's halted my creativity but I don't wanna use her bullshit as a scapegoat for my own procrastination and laziness although it definitely plays a big role in it.. also it irks the fuck out of me of how self aware I am about my own self destruction to where I end up in a never ending loop of self deprecating depression.. like, I haven't created anything in a while, so I'm down about it.. I know I wanna create something, so I try to, but because of whatever bullshit or other life stress, it's hard for me to focus and I don't end up getting as much done as I want to, which gets me down even more.. I realize what's happening, and it gets me down even MORE on top of that because whatever the fuck is interfering with me trying to create and I'm not getting as much as I want done.. yet I realize THAT as well and get pissed with myself to where I'm like "why are you letting this affect you stop being a bitch dude" but because my focus and energy isn't on what I'm trying to create I fuck off and end up playing a game to decompress or some shit.. which results in me getting EVEN MORE upset and pissed with myself because I realize ALL of that shit, yet I'm not doing better to fix the situation.. like, I got energy to play the game but not to do what's important to me which pisses me off EVEN MORE... Then I make a full loop and I'm back to the beginning.. it's honestly the most fucking annoying thing about myself that even I wanna kick my own ass over it.. But with all that being said, I'm really lighting a fire under my ass to get my own car and apartment like ASAP but I'm putting an obnoxious amount of extra stress and pressure on myself to do everything like right this very second because I want out.. like badly.. which I know isn't healthy for me on top of how I already feel on a daily basis with the shenanigans I gotta deal with at home.. let alone my son's mother being extremely difficult for no reason at the most random times.. like I'm trying to do a lot by myself all at once and as quick as possible but I feel it's not that easy nor works that way which I think is more so the reality of things.. I said I was gonna be vulnerable on here because ironically enough I don't have anyone I can express these things to.. my family have their own shit going on and when I talk to my mother it's usually that completely uninterested/barely paying attention conversations where the only responses are "yeah.... Nah I feel you... I understand... Yeah...... But yeah I'm gonna head to the store idk what to make for dinner tonight blahblahblah" so I've kind of refrained from even bothering to speak with them about things like this.. friends, meh... I have trust issues with people even though I have a decent friend group, I've been fucked over too many times in the past to feel comfortable opening up like this with others yet ironically enough I'm here on the internet exposing myself to a bunch of strangers.. yet I feel more trust with you all than others I know IRL if that somehow makes sense.. All in all, even after this massive wall of text, what it comes down to is this... I don't wanna keep living like this.. I don't wanna keep being surrounded by negativity... there's so much more I want to accomplish with my life and staying in this situationship isn't gonna help me get there, yet I have no idea how to maneuver about all of this or what the first step to take is so I'm compiling everything on top of each other and trying to do everything all at once which I realize isn't healthy for my well being especially with how I already feel on a daily basis.. the unnecessary added stress and pressure I'm putting on myself is getting to me on top of everything else and is clouding my head even more than before and I have no idea where to begin... Apologies for the massive wall of text.. I just don't know what else to do or where to turn to.. I guess any and all kinds of advice or positive reinforcements of that sort of whatever would be appreciated.. once again idk why I'm exposing myself like this on the interwebs.. but with practically growing up on here as a kid and a lot of different perspectives on life from different parts of the country/world this platform can share I feel more comfortable talking with you all than others I see on an almost daily basis ironically enough.. sorry for sounding like a TPWF I swear I'm widening my stance so big right now as I'm typing this I'm damn near doing the splits right now... Is this what a mid-life crisis is...? This adulting shit is fuckin wack...
  13. Wow.. mugs really out here all willy nilly with their Piggly wigglies out in the open.. That's wild..
  14. Just got out from a 13 hour bar shift today.. got a lil too stoned waiting for my train so I'm just vibing to this Larry June album right now.. Also completely random, I met Brian Takata today and took care of him throughout the night.. more formerly known as "Drift King" from Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift.. really nice dude..
  15. Sitting in the bar downstairs bored out of my fucking mind.. don't have a reso until 9 apparently so I've been ripping shots with random coworkers who come down here and making shit.. This is the Final Countdown I spoke of in that jukebox thread.. Vodka, wild rose syrup, lemon juice, cappeletti vino aperitivo, grapefruit juice.. just no grapefruit juice in this one cause fuck that... Lowkey might just get drunk before clocking out at this rate 🤷đŸŊ‍♂ī¸
  16. Just a quick late breakfast nothing too special..
  17. I'm starting to notice a lot more grey hairs pop up on my head.. first it was a couple, now there's a tiny colony on the side that seems to be turning into a strip of grey hair... Wut teh FAWK doods... đŸĒĻ
  18. We have new cocktails on our menu at work and one of them is literally named "Final Countdown" so every time someone orders one this song pops in my head... I hate that cocktail...
  19. I second this.. years ago when I lived in Colorado for a lil bit I kept getting random roaming charges and my data kept getting run up even when I'd close all my apps and all that jazz.. bill came to like $1400 and I just told them yeah you're not getting that from me you can just cancel everything I'm good.. As for me tho I have T-Mobile right now, $70 a month unlimited everything.. been solid for me so I can't complain 🤷đŸŊ‍♂ī¸
  20. I've heard of the 75 hard but fuck all that noise.. was thinking about doing a 60 day thing tho.. I don't have any gym membership but I got a list of some home routines I could bust out every day for the full 60 at least to get the ball rolling.. just gotta actually pick a day to start but with how much I run around at work it's like fuck it there's my cardio for the day then when I get home it's just weed and chill.. 🤷đŸŊ‍♂ī¸
  21. Much appreciated my dude.. yeah I was looking for Hondas but I've seen a lot of VW jettas and Passats show up for a decent amount some with surprisingly low mileage too.. idk after talking with fam they were kinda saying find something not super expensive you could throw down like half on and pay the other half off with the monthly payments instead of going for broke on a lil beater plus I guess it should help out with my credit so I've just been browsing for now till I can figure out the best route to go.. definitely wanna try and make it happen sooner than later just so I can be able to move around easier and hopefully get out of this living situation I'm in but at the same time I'm not in a huge rush to do so..
  22. Looking to get a car soon and was thinking about leasing one that'll last me a while.. something sort of daily driver but to get me to Indiana and back every other weekend for my son.. any car guys got any advice to leasing a car and which ones are solid choices or which cars to avoid?
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