I've skirted around this thread for a long time, but never chimed in (that I recall). Mostly as I don't want to admit to having any issues. I don't want to appear weak.
I've drunk fairly consistently since I was 16 and am now 39. Like many in here, I can take time off (weeks or months) when needed, but often get drawn back in. Stress is a trigger, as is exhaustion. I was meant to take the rest of the year off booze just to give myself some headspace and I've caved more weeks than I haven't. I've been in heavy lockdown the past 8 months and that has not helped things at all. I've gotten fat and lazy.
It all has come to a head the last week or so as I find myself simply exhausted and depressed. I'm numb and not sure what to do or where to start....about anything. I'm struggling at work and feel like I'm being a shitty husband and dad. The days after drinking are horrible and lead me to want more booze to quieten the shittiness I am feeling. Having two young kids means I'm sleeping in 2-3 hour bursts, which is not helping when the sleep would be shitty anyhow. My wife is a saint.
Yet I still go back and do it again and again.
Until now! I recognise I need a better alternative to this but simply don't know where to start. It's been over half my life and I've got no experience or tools to help me make the change. So here I am being vulnerable....
I'm venting and writing this on mobile, so forgive any grammar/nonsensical issues. I'm around every few days or so and welcome any thoughts or inputs.