non drinking pee story:
when i was 7, i got up in the middle of the night and took a piss...
...into my sister's gerbil cage.
non peeing drunk story (compiled by fragments of memory, evidence, and testimonials):
About a year ago, I went to see RJD2 at some college.
The college had a dry campus, so I got drunk before hand, and I figured I'd get a little drunker than normal, so I stayed drunk there.
Well, I ended up drinking a bottle of rum by myself in about 1-2 hours. and I ended up wandering around the campus looking for someplace to piss.
Eventually, I found myself in the back area of an auditorium where all the props and shit are. I pissed on some fake boat or something and found a can of black rusto. I tagged the shit out of everything around me...wack tags too.. like going too big, so i couldn't fit in the last letter.
I found my way back to the show. I ended up sneaking in, or somebody bought me a ticket, I can't remember (I was there alone), but I had the same amount of money in my pocket the next day.
I don't exactly remember any of the show, but apparently I met some freshman there that was hollering hardcore; I think she was japanese. She must have been small, because I found her sweater in my car the next day.
Anywho, we were heading back to her dorm room to party w/ her friends. I think I told them that we weren't going to fuck, and her friends were making fun of me for passing up a sure thing. I must have randomly grabbed some sweatshirt at the concert, because I had some sweatshirt on the next day that wasn't mine, and was kind of small.
Somewhere on the way back to the dorm, I split up w/ the folks. Or maybe they ditched me, who knows.
I go to take a piss in the cut. Next thing I know, I'm freezing my ass off, and some cop is shining a flashlight in my eyes and TALKING REALLY LOUD AND SLOW. Apparently, while taking my piss, I passed out on the sidewalk or something. There was some sort of metal thing next to me that they thought i was using to smoke something, but I honestly have no idea what it was or where it came from.
I also had put the can of rusto in my waistband, that i forgot about, so they thought I was huffing as well. Needless to say, they cuffed me and took me to the campus security office.
While there, I was straight HOLLERING at some chick officer. I was 'interrogated,' i forget what story i gave them about the paint, but it worked. All I remember is some guy saying "If you don't give us a number of somebody to come pick you up, you're going to jail." All I could remember is my parent's number, so they called up my mom at 11 at night.
My sister showed up to pick me up. They let me go. However, I refused to leave until the hot chick kissed me, haha... I ended up settling for a hug and we left.
As soon as we turned the corner, there was a group of girls. I nudged my sis and said, "yo sis, follow my lead," and yelled out to the girlsm "HEY, WE NEED A RIDE. WE'RE WASTED AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE US A RIDE, WE'RE GOING TO DRIVE AND DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!"
They didn't give us a ride and I went to my parent's place and passed out on the floor. I woke up at noon the next day w/ 14 messages from my work asking where the fuck I am.