Hall of Fame

not to make some type of -fuck bitches,get money- post.. -and it seems you guys have this sobriety thing fine tuned to what works for you i have had a few occasions where i have learned its not worth it to be an asshole. I used to wear "being an asshole" like like a crown. i could give a fuck what others thought and how it affected me. UNTIL- High school days- -learning that that kid that we all picked on, commited suicide because of it. (i guess that wasnt enough to teach me) -after having brain surgery (which was the seed of a 10 year pill addiction) that put me on the other side for a few minutes, disfigured my face, caused deafness, learning how to walk, talk and eat again....and realized how others actions can really determine your healing process. not that people were asses to me, but i learned that genuine kindness makes the difference between living and taking your life. which leads me to this-I have a child (which in some cases this makes a world of difference on your actions) who is finishing her freshman year in College. as self sufficient as I have taught her to be, because i know i had to let her go eventually, THE ONLY THING I CAN DO TO HELP HER IS FROM MY WALLET. my kid busted her ass to be where she is and i cant take that away from her. i would rather miss her dearly than to have her here and living a mediocre life. I run my own business..im simply a salon worker, but one day i was being typical asshole driver and when going into the shop, i realized the person i was an asshole to was a client in the shop whom i respected. She took care of us ($$) and i soon lost that, not to mention, i realized he was having a real bad day, and my actions (which benefit me NONE) had a huge impact on her. (she just lost her husband) when it affected my wallet, was the biggest eye opener. I couldnt risk losing a clientelle because of actions had no benefit to me or my kid. she was given tons of grants and scholarships, and we had a plan to cover the remaining tuition, when that plan fell through, and i know how much she wants to graduate from this school, i vowed to exhaust ALL efforts to make sure it happens. even if it meant dropping the pills, which i realized i was putting out waaaaay too much money for, and to clean up my attitude and focus on my business at all costs. even if it meant dropping my attitude at the door and service my clients. they are paying for it. they could also go somewhere else for it. So, POZ, i dont know if there is a child involved or financial strain, and up until this year i guess it wasnt enough for me to get right. it was when it really affected my money. it even changed the way i drive, and made me re think some of my hobbies. i hate paying speeding tickets, aggressive driving tickets...i dont paint, but i bench-20k pictures and i finally caught a trespassing case. this took 4 (separate) court days (time from work) and a 1500 fine. oooggghh, that pissed me off so bad. haha i dont know if you asked or wanted to hear all of that, or if i even touched on what you had in mind, but like anything else, addictions and all..it comes down to finding your conscious mind while trying to make a split second decision and deciding -IS IT WORTH IT?? find that ONE thing you know you CANNOT afford to lose and make it your sole reason for ANYTHING YOU DO. the sole reason should be YOURSELF, but when we're addicts, we dont understand self worth...so sometimes we need to find that ONE thing. I have NEVER been so focused and so clear minded as i have the last few months. Its been about 6-7 weeks without "meds" for me. with the exception of one day i was given 'meds' and i was sick to my stomach, missed a day of work ($$$!!!) and took me a few days to feel normal after that. i would normally take around 10-12 a day, and had myself convinced i couldnt function without them its not worth it anymore. endramble. good luck everyone, your strength is contagious.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :scream: :nope: :nope: :nope: this friday sounds greeeeaaaaat lol im sorry.

ie.

Sketched on the wood before carving, it counts!

Everyone thinks I'm this super nice and compassionate person, but what they're really seeing is common courtesy. I do not suffer fools gladly, and given the opening I'm more than happy to let them know what's up and not be nice at all about it. I try to always speak my mind wherever appropriate, because not doing so has caused me no end of headaches...eventually it turns into one of those "Okay, do you REALLY want to know what I think?" situations and I unload on them. I've made people cry without even trying...I can be a sarcastic, bitter person and when someone mistakes my kindness for weakness they usually regret it. And I LIKE it! I used to be accommodating and forgiving to a fault, and where did that get me? People would practically line up and wait for a chance to give me the business, and I let them...I thought that was how you made friends. It took me WAY too long to figure that shit out, and when I realized I was a human doormat that kind of fucked me up for a while. I'm still willing to give anyone a chance, and sometimes I'll give them a second chance but that's about it. It's why I'm single...I just do not do relationships well at this point in my life and I don't want to subject anyone to that, most of all myself. As long as you aren't going out of your way to be a jerk or taking your shit out on other people because you can't deal with it in a healthy manner, I'm all for being a strong black woman. Wait...what were we talking about again?

Mabel turned 2 today. And a better look at Ellie's cracked irises.

GASP PIGS by Dirty Taco Steve, on Flickr GERV YME by Dirty Taco Steve, on Flickr GIER PTS by Dirty Taco Steve, on Flickr GLOBE GH by Dirty Taco Steve, on Flickr GOGO DLR by Dirty Taco Steve, on Flickr

dear peoples this is life as a manic depressive. feeling better today thanks guys. xo !@#$% geez i almost signed that with my govt name i lots my brain

Bacon fat marinated sirloin, braised mustard greens with bacon and onion in endive, quinoa with butternut squash, shellfish butter, parsley and cilantro oil, skrumpz. Lamb burger with picked onion and goat cheese, harissa aioli, side salad with sherry vin.

Its glue. all spray cans have them, they make your tagz stick super goood.

I think that at or near the heart of active addiction there lies imbalance which can be influenced by both internal and external factors. Disregarding the feelings of others, or the well being and feelings of oneself is another symptom of this imbalance and is often experienced by addicts. While I have never done step work I believe that the entire trip is a attempt to address this sense of imbalance and is what people who go ga ga for step work or many forms of therapy are getting at. One of the concepts from recovery literature that I do try to keep in the forefront of my mind is to practice honesty in all of my affairs. Sometimes this means doing the right thing for its own sake, and doing so despite the presence of other influencing factors. One small example of this that I had to confront recently came in the form of my month long pass to the pool. I swim 6 days a week and have a monthly pass to the local pool which is municipally owned. After the first of the year I noticed that my pass was not expiring, I went to pay it and the kid behind the counter told me it was still good. I went to pay it again a bit later, knowing it was expired and the kid told me it was good to the end of the year. So there I was, there was a glitch in the system and I had a free pass but knew it was in error. I wrestled with this for a bit and decided to pay, not because they need the money and not because I was concerned about any repercussions but because I knew I was ripping them off and it did not feel right. That example seems kind of petty but I figured I would throw it out there, I heard a guy tell the following story in a NA meeting one time and it struck me as having a lot of truth in it and being a good example of confronting larger truths. He made clear that he was a good salesman, but had fallen into addiction and done a stint for selling heroin. He described how in the end he found that he could not sell anything because at the root of sales is dishonesty and that engaging in such was bad for his recovery and well being. "Not only can I not sell crack, I can not even sell Insurance" I strive to live a honest life because I believe it is the best for me, not because of potential consequences. For what it is worth it all seems to come out in the wash anyway, for every free pool pass or sketchy tax move I pass on something else fills in the register. One of the benefits of living this way is knowing that I will not need make many apologies in my life and can stand on good footing in my affairs with others knowing that I have been straight with them. Not to wade out any further into the murky water of metaphor and borderline spiritual ideas but the way I see it is that the balance I need to be the best person I can be is there, I just need to get out of the way most of the time and occasionally need to adjust the way I ride through in order for it to be found. On the subject of spiritual ideas and recovery, this sense of personal responsibility is in large part what puts my personal trip at odds with the 12 step program because at the heart of a higher power lies a transfer of responsibility to the external, which I do not believe in.

Just give Cyrem the credit for his flicks. They're dope.

S,S,S,S,T,S,S,S,T