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your horoscope

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Jun 11, 2001.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

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    your horoscope

    Discussion started by mental invalid - Jun 11, 2001

    ..ok so i dont know if anyone else digs astrology, but i think it pretty interesting, and if nothing else makes you question things, which is always good...anyhow maybe ill post this doods shit once a week for all the astrology heads...his name is rob brensky...and his views are the shit.......rOe....

    ps-gemini to a 'T'

    ...week june 7-13...

    ARIES (March 21-April 19)

    You're often at your most attractive when you're expressing your warrior-like qualities. Unfortunately, you've still got a lot to learn about the art of selecting worthy opponents. So while you may be beautiful when you're mad, your fights don't always lead to the kind of intriguing success you can build on. Luckily, Aries, you're now at a point in your astrological cycle when you can make great headway towards becoming more discriminating. Please promise me that you'll wean yourself from wrestling matches with straw men, Cheshire cats, ghosts named Bozo, and their ilk. Choose only the most thought-provoking enemies.

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    TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

    A few weeks ago I told you it was prime time, astrologically speaking, to visit the Garden of Eden. You may have interpreted that in a metaphorical sense, which was fine, or you may have acted on my hint that paradise has an objectively real existence that's accessible through meditation. In either case, I hope you're still hanging out in that environs, Taurus, because I now have even better news to report. You know the fruit that God once forbade Adam and Eve to try? Amazingly, He has changed his mind. Here's the new covenant, directly from the Supreme Being's lips to your eyes: It's OK to eat the apple.

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    GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

    Your regularly scheduled horoscope will not appear this week so that I may indulge the curious favoritism I've felt towards you Geminis lately. I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE GORGEOUS AND SMART. NO ONE SMELLS AS GOOD AS YOU. There does seem to be ample astrological justification for my seemingly irrational adoration, by the way: The omens suggest you're at the height of your ability to realize precisely what you need most and how to get it. To aid Mother Nature in her work, repeat the following affirmation a hundred times a day for the next week: "I KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I KNOW WHEN TO DO IT!"

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    CANCER (June 21-July 22)

    Marketing experts tell me that if my subject is so complex I can't explain it in 15 seconds, it's not worth knowing. But since the intricate, impossible-to-describe subject at hand is you, maybe you'll afford me a little longer. I have it on good authority that you're feeling like a web woven by a drunk spider; like a labyrinth made out of funhouse mirrors; like an unseasoned grocery-shopper trying to choose among 19 brands of spaghetti sauce. But take comfort in the words of author John Berger: "Authenticity depends entirely on being faithful to the essential ambiguity of experience." I'd also like to suggest that being confused by messy abundance is more likely to bring you close to God than being dead certain about a few artificially simplistic beliefs.

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    LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

    We all crave drama in our lives -- especially you Leos. Unfortunately, our culture's fetishistic fascination with entropy and suffering makes this need problematic. Unable to summon the resources to pursue more uplifting forms of adventure, many people end up filling their lives with exhausting turbulence. That's the bad news, Leo. The good news is that you can now summon the vibrant imagination and loving support necessary to resist the norm. I exhort you to envision brave exploits that will be fun and redemptive and tremendously exciting.

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    VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22)

    One of my biggest heroes is a Virgo: Molly Ivins, rabble-rousing political columnist and author of the book Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? A while back she wrote a piece in which she marveled at a cosmetic salesperson's claim that a certain skin cream had a "mnemonic component," meaning it would allow her skin cells to remember how they functioned when they were still young. I bring this up, my dears, because the experiences you'll encounter in the coming week will have an analogous effect. They will stimulate you to recall every important thing you have forgotten.

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    LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22)

    Poetry alert! If lyrical flights of fancy make you nervous, please don't read any further. In fact, maybe you shouldn't even go out of the house the rest of the week, given the likelihood that you will be consistently roused to a state of throbbing exaltation by the world's secret beauty. But if you've read this far, here are your instructions: On a leaf from your favorite tree, write a wish that's difficult for you to ask for. Bury it in the soil as you visualize your wish having already come true. Then leap into the air three times, kick your heels together, and kiss the sky.

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    SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)

    Today I went to the county dump to unload all the stuff I once valued but haven't used in years. As I backed my truck up to the edge of the chasm and heaved in my obsolete treasures, I spied a sign that read, "Do not jump into the pit." Immediately, I thought of you, Scorpio. I mused on how wise it would be for you to do what I was doing, but also how tempting it might be for you to throw yourself away along with the junk you need to get rid of. But please don't leap into abyss, my dear. As perversely entertaining it might be for you to wallow in the morass, no real good would come of it.

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    SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)

    Most of us have had curses cast on us. But unlike how they're portrayed in novels and films, the real thing is rarely an act of black magic conjured by a bad wizard. Rather, it's a negative declaration about our potential delivered by a person we love or trust. For instance, when I was 21 years old, my astrology teacher smacked me with this paralyzing prophecy: "You will never be known for who you really are." I've fought that whammy ever since. Your own curse may have been hurled by a parent who said you would never succeed, or an ex-lover who asserted that you'll never have a decent relationship. But whatever malediction you've had to bear all this time, Sagittarius, I want you to know that the cosmic forces are now aligned to help you banish it for good.

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    CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)

    My acquaintance Boyd specializes in "sacred sarcasm." It's a benevolent approach to shaking people up. "You sure impressed God during the month you spent courting that alcoholic womanizer," he once said to a female friend, hoping it would prod her to swear off such self-punishing behavior forever. "No doubt you earned a truckload of karmic credit for all the free work you gave away to that megalomaniac who ripped you off over and over," he told another pal, wishing that it might stimulate her to ask for more in return for her gifts. In the spirit of Boyd's sacred sarcasm, I offer this message for you, Capricorn: Surely your soul will be nourished and your ambitions buoyed by the pinched and stingy feelings you're now tempted to indulge.

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    AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)

    Did you used to share your blanket at nap time in kindergarten? If so, there's a good chance you have what it takes to capitalize on the half-disguised opportunities that'll soon arise. Spontaneous acts of generosity will have amazing clout, you see. They'll unleash events that'll precipitate liberating surprises. I should also note another benefit that's likely if you resurrect your old blanket-sharing tendencies: People who are worth knowing better will gravitate to you, eager to find out more about your approach to getting comfortable.

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    PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)

    Due to pollution, full-blown rainbows are becoming an endangered species. "Sun dogs," or tiny fragmented pieces of rainbows, are more and more commonplace. In sad protest, I am suspending my use of the rainbow metaphor until further notice. Happily, your current astrological needs do not require me to invoke this increasingly scarce natural wonder. The good fortune brewing in your vicinity will most likely occur in mysterious circumstances or under cover of darkness, and therefore have no resemblance to anything that occurs in broad daylight. The more apt symbol for your future, Pisces, is the moonbow: a bridge of colored light that forms over a waterfall from the blend of moon glow and water spray.
     
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  2. jungle cat

    jungle cat 12oz Elite Member

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    jungle cat - Replied Jun 11, 2001

    yeah.. that shit always intrigued me. never really got around to reading mine everday/week/month.. whatever.. but uh.. yeah.. every time i do read one its right on point with most of the stuff.. wierd shit.
     
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  3. SIELOETTE

    SIELOETTE 12oz Senior Member

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    SIELOETTE - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    That Rob isnt it/ he writes for the stranger..im on peotry alert huh...Libra with Scorpio moon and Pisces rising..equals insane
     
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  4. SIELOETTE

    SIELOETTE 12oz Senior Member

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    SIELOETTE - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    That Rob isnt it/ he writes for the stranger..im on peotry alert huh...Libra with Scorpio moon and Pisces rising..equals insane

    even better you can ask people what their signs are..or ask them what their dates are and tell them what that means through chart ways..Ive drawn up a few..Interesting..Interesting..
     
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  5. AeRoS0ul

    AeRoS0ul 12oz Member

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    AeRoS0ul - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    Let Cleo Show you the way !
     
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  6. EatMorGlue

    EatMorGlue 12oz Senior Member

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    EatMorGlue - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    hahahhaa cleo.. "da cards dey neva lie!!"
     
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  7. Secret

    Secret 12oz Elite Member

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    Secret - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    Mental Invalid, we have so much in common. I'm not a strong believer in horoscopes, but I do believe in astrology... everything they say about Aquarius people is very true with me...
     
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  8. BoB Hope ONER

    BoB Hope ONER 12oz Elite Member

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    BoB Hope ONER - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    oh its the age of aquarius.. its the coming of the age of aquaaaaari ussssssssssss...


    hmm this is a good thread im surprised no one thought of it sooner.

    im a sucker for horror scopes.. as much as the next nightcrawler.
     
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  9. menos

    menos 12oz Junior Member

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    menos - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    yeah post this stuff once a week, astrology is gravy
     
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  10. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

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    Devilush - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    hey roe...gemini eh? i don't think that we would get a long. me=scorpio to the T. up for jamba on the roof anyways?
     
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  11. theFUME

    theFUME 12oz Senior Member

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    theFUME - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    not that i dont belive in this shit but mine never seems to be true

    anyone got any reasons why'?


    ------------------
    "So analyze me surprise me but cant magmatize me"
    -nas
     
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  12. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

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    mental invalid - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    ...try tilting your head to the sideways look at life....
     
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  13. Gnes 37

    Gnes 37 12oz Veteran Member

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    Gnes 37 - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    Sagataurians unite fuck with us we bust an arrow in your ass!
     
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  14. AeRoS0ul

    AeRoS0ul 12oz Member

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    AeRoS0ul - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    i dont think anyone should base any action upon horoscopes but its creepy how at times they seem rather accurate tho that might be just me twisting what it says to fit what happend in my day.

    but what about all those horoscopes that say "you will start an exciting new romantic relation" does it just not apply to the married virgos ?
     
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  15. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

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    seven.13 - Replied Jun 12, 2001

    that you're feeling like a web woven by a drunk spider; like a labyrinth made out of funhouse mirrors; like an unseasoned grocery-shopper trying to choose among 19 brands of spaghetti sauce. But take comfort in the words of author John Berger: "Authenticity depends entirely on being faithful to the essential ambiguity of experience."

    Hmmmmm this guy seems to have it it right on the mark..

    hehe nothing like listening to Cleo's incessant babbling at 3 am....

    and having wierd nightmares
     
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