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you know you're a dunk when...


vinyl junkie

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You freak out when you wake up in your own bed.

You have threatened to murder and marry the same person in the span of a single happy hour.

You watch Behind the Music and think “That’s really not that much alcohol.”

You won’t rent an apartment that doesn’t have a bar and liquor store within two blocks.

You shake the same person’s hand five times between last call and getting booted out.

You have never taken a drink of a non-alcoholic beverage without thinking, “Man, a splash of booze would fix this right up.”

You’ve apologized to people you don’t remember meeting for things you don’t remember doing in places you don’t remember going.

Bartenders call you when you’ve been absent for more than two days.

You wake up in a strange city not knowing how you got there, and the three other guys don’t know either.

When buying floor tile, you press your face against it to see how comfortable it would be to sleep on.

The word “rent” loses all meaning after your fifth drink.

Whenever someone in a suit spills your well bourbon it magically transforms into top shelf scotch on the way to the floor.

Your bartender never has to ask, “Do you want another?”

You spend ninety percent of your paycheck on drinking and waste the rest.

You fell down two flights of stairs and didn’t spill a drop.

Your roommates say good morning to you and you haven’t been to bed yet.

You refer to your mouth as your “booze hole.”

You give directions with liquor stores and bars as the major landmarks, i.e., "You'll pass Argonaut's Liquors on the left and Scooter's on the right, then turn right on the street between the Satire Lounge and the Lion's Lair, then continue until you see the tree that looks like a huge martini glass."

 

i've been guilty of all of hese, except the one about the tile (however i have decided which bathroom to vomit in based on which one would be better for passing out in) and the falling down two flights of stairs one (it was only one flight)

 

cheers...

 

http://www.drunkard.com/md_youre_a_drunk.htm

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Originally posted by vinyl junkie@Oct 15 2004, 10:31 PM

You’ve apologized to people you don’t remember meeting for things you don’t remember doing in places you don’t remember going.

 

I, too, am guilty for much of these, but for this particular one, I am the King of. I black out when I even take a sip of the whisky. It's got a strange power over me.

 

There is a whiskey convention going on in my city soon. But it's a hundred dollar admission. Unfortunately, I have to spend my money on other, less important things.

 

 

 

:crap: <---what a cool smiley!

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Guest KING BLING
Originally posted by vinyl junkie@Oct 15 2004, 07:31 PM

Your bartender never has to ask, “Do you want another?”

You spend ninety percent of your paycheck on drinking and waste the rest.

 

 

 

I like to come up with snappy sayings while drunk such as :

 

One mans piss is another mans perfume

 

and

 

I'm cooler than a cucumber in a polar bears paw <interchange with pussy depending on audience, I wasn't so kind>

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The fucked up thing is if you did any of these on any other non-socially accepted drug it'd be considered disgusting and a tell-tale sign of being a shitty person.. but because alcohol's legal we've all rationalized ourselves in the deepest, darkest corner of Plato's cave where it's kosher to piss yourself and start fights with people you care about as long as it's under the guise of good times and big tittied blondes during the Superbowl.

 

Ahhh.. America.

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Originally posted by 26SidedCube@Oct 16 2004, 09:15 AM

The fucked up thing is if you did any of these on any other non-socially accepted drug it'd be considered disgusting and a tell-tale sign of being a shitty person.. but because alcohol's legal we've all rationalized ourselves in the deepest, darkest corner of Plato's cave where it's kosher to piss yourself and start fights with people you care about as long as it's under the guise of good times and big tittied blondes during the Superbowl.

 

Ahhh.. America.

 

 

Someone's thinking well.

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last night i was talking about getting a handjob from a one handed girl jsut for the irony.. and, well, the bartender was one handed... i then concocted a scheme to get out of leaving a good tip. i decided that it'd be good to say "the uglier they are, the better i tip", while she was in hearing distance , so i could compliment her and be cheap all at the same time.

 

oh, and the time before that, i was bombing houses :krunk:

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Originally posted by 26SidedCube@Oct 16 2004, 06:15 AM

The fucked up thing is if you did any of these on any other non-socially accepted drug it'd be considered disgusting and a tell-tale sign of being a shitty person.. but because alcohol's legal we've all rationalized ourselves in the deepest, darkest corner of Plato's cave where it's kosher to piss yourself and start fights with people you care about as long as it's under the guise of good times and big tittied blondes during the Superbowl.

 

Ahhh.. America.

no, i think it's a pretty good sign that i'm a shitty person regardless...

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Originally posted by nomadawhat+Oct 16 2004, 08:39 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (nomadawhat - Oct 16 2004, 08:39 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-nomadawhat@Oct 16 2004, 07:52 AM

...when you wake up surrounded by del taco wrappers and there's a half eaten taco wedged under you.

 

 

...and you eat it.

[/b]

 

haha yes!

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I'm guilty of the "suit spills your cheap shit and suddenly it becomes top shelf booze"

 

I scowled and the guy apologized and promptly bought me some actual top shelf booze. Turned out to be one cool guy who had a mad half-sleeve underneath the corporate facade. nice.

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when the manager of a restaurant tells you "under West Covina law we cannot serve you anymore alcohol"

 

 

when you fall off you seat at a restaurant and somebody yells "i'll have what he's having"!

 

when youre being carried out of the restaurant by your girl and your friends and youre yelling "Go Dogers" and everyone in the restaurant

is cheering you on.

 

 

GOODTIMES.

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