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You Know You're A Drunk When.......

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by SPORTO, May 7, 2006.


    SPORTO Senior Member

    Joined: Jan 6, 2005 Messages: 1,086 Likes Received: 10
    You call an ex-friend at 3am to ask what he meant by that remark last July.

    You once woke up with a new job.

    You’d never steal a fellow drunk’s drink, but you do occasionally “adopt orphans.”

    You have to go to court to find out what happened.

    You only drink socially, except when you’re alone.

    The arresting officer tells you that you have the right to remain silent and you waive that right so you can finish singing Enter Sandman.

    You have a lot of respect for that 80-year-old guy at the end of the bar, but you know from experience that he’s a dirty fighter.

    You got pissed off when you forgot whatever you were drinking to forget.

    Your friends often substitute “Good night” with “Hey, you can’t sleep here.”

    You’ve filed assault charges against a coffee table.

    You think of drinking beer as “sobering up,”

    Your bed looks a helluva lot like a park bench, and your bedroom looks a helluva lot like a park.

    You miss the old days when you were younger than the cop that finds you sleeping in a dumpster.

    To you "Last call!" sounds just like "Please don’t leave! We love you and you're charming wit!"

    You freak out when you wake up in your own bed.

    You play the same song 20 times in a row at top volume at three in the morning and are certain the neighbors don’t mind because, you know, it’s such a kick-ass song.

    You watch Behind the Music and think “That’s really not that much alcohol.”

    You shake the same person’s hand five times between last call and getting booted out.

    You never blackout. You just take a lot of “loud vertical naps.”

    You’ve apologized to people you don’t remember meeting for things you don’t remember doing in places you don’t remember going.

    Instead of “Good morning,” the first words out of your mouth are “Have you seen my trousers?”

    Lawn sprinklers are sometimes your alarm clock.

    You get into a loud, enraged argument, then realize you’re alone.

    You think that drunks are a lot like chess players, only drunk.

    You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a “shameless alcoholic.”

    You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.

    You think a wrong number is an adequate excuse to go on a bender.

    You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.

    You know that liquor is especially tasty when it comes from the secret hiding place in your roommates's closet.
  2. After School Special

    After School Special Banned

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 8,181 Likes Received: 225
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

    I get in the most heated beefs with ex's when I'm drunk :shakehead:

    Suddenly everything I've ever wanted to say to them but had the common sense not to gets said.

  3. azert

    azert Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 29, 2003 Messages: 1,798 Likes Received: 35
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......


    But some of those were funny.
    Last edited: May 7, 2006
  4. swedish erotica

    swedish erotica Banned

    Joined: Jan 17, 2006 Messages: 1,758 Likes Received: 2
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

  5. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Banned

    Joined: Nov 17, 2001 Messages: 13,352 Likes Received: 0
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

    found your dick in your mouth
  6. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Banned

    Joined: Nov 17, 2001 Messages: 13,352 Likes Received: 0
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

    :) :D :) :D
  7. skullnbones

    skullnbones Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 20, 2004 Messages: 3,759 Likes Received: 53
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

    trying to explain to your mother why your so psyched on your new type writer that you copped even though you already have a real good lap top computer and your eating sausages just on there own not even in bread or anything. oh and your stumbling and stuttering. and your typing about it all on the zero and probably not making a whole lot of sense and having to re type every word abotu 4 times to get it right.
  8. shaolinmasta

    shaolinmasta Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 26, 2003 Messages: 7,884 Likes Received: 157
    Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

    I like this one.
  9. AyeBee

    AyeBee Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,798 Likes Received: 29
  10. po-thead

    po-thead Member

    Joined: Mar 2, 2003 Messages: 301 Likes Received: 4
    yes to all of these....
    ahhh, i laughed so hard...
    i'm definetly a drunk
  11. The Man with the Answers

    The Man with the Answers Member

    Joined: Apr 8, 2006 Messages: 781 Likes Received: 2
    wow, 12oz has shown me the moment of clarity: I really am a shameless degenerate alchoholic, word!!!!

    thank you 12oz!!!
  12. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 177
    ...when I wake up every day.
  13. spectr

    spectr Guest

    shit i actually had to go to court to find out what happened once that sucked since it was the cops bringing me to court and i guess i had been extremely violent with them the night before which also explained my horrible bruises and extreme amount of pain and broken bone.
  14. $2 dollar well drinks

    $2 dollar well drinks Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 22, 2005 Messages: 152 Likes Received: 0
    you get drunk with your dead fathers first wife
  15. Hayabusa

    Hayabusa Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 6,501 Likes Received: 212
    you know you're a drunk when you wake up next to some random dude with a condom in your ass and a sore penis

    yeah i went there