S@T@N Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 R.I.P Worst Sexual Experience thread, we hardly knew ye. I've got one to share but I'm not going first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welcome mat Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 ok, this isnt as bad, but it's bad. I'm laying there on my girlfriends bed in her house (lives with parents) and it's like 1:30 AM she likes the kinky stuff, so for the ONE TIME I say yes she puts me in handcuffs to her dresser and gives me a blowjob then her mom knocks on the door and my girlfriend jumps up and is panicking and I'm like "UNCUFF ME YOU BITCH" and she waits for like 3 seconds and finally realizes "maybe I should uncuff him so he can pull his own fucking pants up" so she does, and it ends with her mom walking in just after we make it look like we're not doing anything. shit, I cant step foot in her house anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest willy.wonka Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 hahaaha..there is this girl in hawaii thats apart of this singing group called "fourtay"(semi famous), but from what i hear..there is a video of her shitting on some guys dick..during sex..haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S@T@N Posted February 5, 2003 Author Share Posted February 5, 2003 ^^^ harsh. No pity from me, though; see #2. Alright some of these had me shittin my pants laughing. My condolences to When on the death of his pride and congratulations to his thriving humility. 1) Alright, it was me and my first girlfriend, first time getting head. We're downstairs in my living room, watching TV and she decides its time to give me what I've been so patiently waiting for. She starts doin it, and I'm enjoyin it more than anything in the world, completely happy cause this is what the world spins by. So I'm gettin close to bustin, and my dick starts feelin a little bit sore, but I kinda just shook it off 'cause I had never done this before and had nothing to compare it to. Well I busted, and as soon as I started calmin down again, I felt it completely. The pain was worse than any other pain EVER, like a burning/tearing/painful to exist kind of feeling. Turns out, my girl had a sharp part on her braces on the inside of her teeth. Upon further inspection of my dick, you could see like a dimple in one spot. It didn't bleed and no it wasn't big, but it fucking hurt. I don't think I ever forgave her for that. I couldn't touch myself for about a month, fuckin ending up cleaning piss off the floor cause I was too afraid to hold myself and aim. Ugh. No braces. 2) This is my previous girlfriend. Her mom works nights, and so I'd lie to my mom and say her mom would be home. I'd get a ride to her place, we'd fuck and spend the night together, and I'd walk down to work in the morning, or call for a ride home if I was off. Well as this went on and on my exit time starting getting closer and closer to her moms arrival time. One of the mornings, I woke up and my girl was already awake, and she wanted sex before I left. So we start doin our biz and I was getting really into it. When I started feelin like I was gonna go, I hear a car coming up the road. I'm like ......shiiiiiiit. But I figured what the hell just keep going, it can't be her mom. Wrong. I hear her pull in the driveway and I about shit myself. I get up, grab the clothes I could find, and my girl stuffs me in her dead grandfathers closet. This isn't a reg. closet though, it's got shelves that come all the way out to the door. I end up doing some contortionists nightmare in there for a good hour and a half before my girl decides the coast is clear to sneak me out. I end up doing a James Bond style sneak and somersault down the stairs and out the front door that my girl held open, at which point I stood up and walked inside, pretending I just showed up. It was by far the closest I've ever been to being caught. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VAITOMANOCU Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 i just remember one time this one girl i would hook up with now and then was goin down on me and it just hurt, but i just acted it didnt because of the above mentioned reason.....its not like she wore braces either tho, either she was just doin it wrong or her mouth was too small for my shlong, which isnt huge but i guess if you have a small mouth it might seem that way.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.e Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 two words: whiskey dick. man i had just got this new girl and i was all about it, but when it came time for fuckin, i guess i had had a few too many and just couldnt get it up for the life of me. shit was very very weak. but its ok now cause shes my girlfriend and i get that shit on the reg now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 Hahaha ... great stories, Satan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRAMP Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 This dude I went to school with was telling me how he was fucking his wife in the ass one night ...and when he was finished his dick hole started burning like fuck, it kept him up all night long so he went to the doctor in the morning to get it checked out...hahaha turns out he got a chili seed stuck in his hole. hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 ^^^ hahaha fuck that wood suck ass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
podrido Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 me girl parents house, sex dads drunk asleep wakes up kicks me out at 2 am and i'm about 20 miles from home buses stop running and i'm shit out of luck. oh and i was 16. this other time a girl tried to put a wrench around my shit and i wasnt to keen about it, turns out later they told me this girl was in counseling for being violent.:o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Melburnian Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 I think the real question here would be is What was a chilli seed doing up his wife's arse in the first place? Bloody hell even rubbing your eyes after playing with chilli burns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRAMP Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 ^ dude, are you serious? she ate it. keep in mind that this in a part of the world where chili is/should be eaten with every meal...icecream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8burner Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 i remember one time a few years ago i was at my girls house, ex girl now but we were fuckin around in the back room. this is a trailer house might i add so theres only one way out and the door is in the front and we were in the very back room... well her mom comes home and shes really strict about this sorta thing so i jump in the closet...she comes in and starts talking to her about random stuff..she goes out in the living room and watches tv...now i would have to walk past there to get out...so im thinkin great im stuck in this closet all night...we come up with this plan to get her to go outside...my ex girl goes out there and says "mom someones pounding on the back window and trying to break in"..while she goes out there to look i quik run trying to make it to the door..i get about half way and hear her coming back in, so i jump into the closest door i can find, which is the fernace door. now anyone who lives in a trailer knows what door im talking about. so im stuck in this like small as space with the fernace right next to me, i had to pull the door real hard against me so that it would look shut, so it was squishing me against the fernace and shit. now im thinking fuck this is 10 times worse than the damn closet. i wait in there for what seems like forever and finally she gets up to use the bathroom and i bolt out the door.. i guess the sexual experience wasnt so bad but all that shit i had to go through just to get out sucked ass.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
23578 Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 OK, let me say I've never had really bad sex from my point of view, but I remember one time this chick who I used to think was really hot (she worked with me in high school, but was a few years younger), came back from college like her sophomore year about 25 pounds fatter, but if you know me, you know I'm kinda dirty like that sometimes. Anyhow she takes me back to her place, and I know she's kinda slutty, but I'm young and stupid, and drunk as hell, so I'm eating her out through her pants (PUH-LEASE, I don't get that drunk), and have to take a shit, so I go to do it (never do this), and come out ten minutes later not having shit, and with the biggest case of whiskey dick ever, and proceed to get her nekkid and feed her mister softee, when she starts giving me the third degree about do I really like her for her and shit. So I'm like, in a playful really kinda bored stupid way, "nah, you're just another wet vagina for me to. . ." Needless to say she threw me out then and there before I even finished my sentence. Fucking good times. I love that story. Alas, those care free days of yore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killtheradio Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 man shits funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8oholic Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 ANTE UP WHEN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killtheradio Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 ok so i have some lame ass girl u all know what im talkin about but shes down to get jiggy and keep it on the low so im at my house and im fuckin her shits goin all good i hear a car pull up im like damn grab ur shit its my sister so the girl grabs all her shit runs out back hides under the window for a while, i walk all the way around and im yellin at her to come over her keep in mind shes in a thong and boobies flopin around and my sister hears me and shes like hey who u talkin to rite as the dumb girl stands up and walks over to me my sister sees a half naked girl and shit i run to my car she jumps in i take her home and my sister never said a word to me about it.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TOM HAGEN Posted February 5, 2003 Share Posted February 5, 2003 WORST ONE EVER I WAS SUPER DRUNK AND MY DICK WOULDN'T GET HARD... EVER SINCE THEN I'VE DEVELOPED A COMPLEX BUT IT BASICALLY WORKS IT'S WEIRD THOUGH, HOW YOUR ANXIETY CAN INTERFERE WITH SOMETHING YOU PREVIOUSLY TOOK FOR GRANTED SECOND WORST I WAS EATING A GIRL OUT AND REALIZED I WAS EATING BLOOD... I KNOW IT SOUNDS CLICHE, BUT IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.... GROSS!!! THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT IT WAS SHE FELT GUILTY AND EMBARASSED AND SUCKED ME OFF REALLY WELL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WebsterUno Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 *believe* my homie was begging his lady to let him fuck her in the ass. After a long time of asking and asking, she finally let him. (She is sick from the flu mind you.) So he starts punding away, going about his bizniz, when she says, "I think I got to take a shit, stop for now". He says, "Hold on, Im about to cum!" She yells back, "IM ABOUT TO SHIT!!!!! Fucker!!" He's pumping like a madman trying to finish up, when SPLAT! she shit all on his stomach! A lil grossed out, he stopped, then kept going, trying to get his nut on. Still hammering away, the smell finally gets to him, and he ends up puking on her back! fin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8oholic Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 OOFAHOLLER! ^^^^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLIK$ Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 oh man im still rollin, i cant believe you told the she braced my dick story, I LOVE THAT ONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frate_Raper Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 My bestfriends at his slutty ex's christmas party and her boss gets sloppy.Nigga starts telling Emilo about bonking this onenight stand in the shitter and waking up the next day with a burning sensation.So they test him and all that jazz and nothing.........so one younger doc gets this idea of an exray.................PEICE OF CORN. Tells this guy HE JUST MET this...................emilo told us this story on one of those warm spring nights that involve alot of fortys and our skateboards.I could stop laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giving Tree Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 lost my virginity to a girl with my best friend right next to me, who i thought was passed out drunk... in the middle of rockin i see his eyes open, the girl doesnt notice. and he smiles.. haha... THAT shit was funny. girl wanted to go down on me at a friend's house... all is good, her friend is dating the guy and im hitting on the other girl.. so anyway the girl who is suckin my cock was down there like 10 minutes, and then my boy came out of his room... my dick still in her face.. he goes.. "yo man, you seen my phone?" haha.. the girl kept going to work as he sat there and watched me fumble the phone and throw it to him so he could call for a pizza... fucker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rest53 Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 http://home.online.no/~gremmem/engrish_ttt_captions/80-100/two-towers-06.jpg'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aichs47 Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 *THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME* would any of you guys out there let a chick finger you while giving you head?? i seen this shit watchn a porn with that cat ROCCO!! i was bustn up while at the same time like ahhhhh mannnn that some nasty shit!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterzoot Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 no id never let a chick do that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest uncle-boy Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 these are some hilarious stories Originally posted by TRAMP This dude I went to school with was telling me how he was fucking his wife in the ass one night ...and when he was finished his dick hole started burning like fuck, it kept him up all night long so he went to the doctor in the morning to get it checked out...hahaha turns out he got a chili seed stuck in his hole. hahaha this one had me rolling. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aichs47 Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 Re: *believe* Originally posted by WebsterUno my homie was begging his lady to let him fuck her in the ass. After a long time of asking and asking, she finally let him. (She is sick from the flu mind you.) So he starts punding away, going about his bizniz, when she says, "I think I got to take a shit, stop for now". He says, "Hold on, Im about to cum!" She yells back, "IM ABOUT TO SHIT!!!!! Fucker!!" He's pumping like a madman trying to finish up, when SPLAT! she shit all on his stomach! A lil grossed out, he stopped, then kept going, trying to get his nut on. Still hammering away, the smell finally gets to him, and he ends up puking on her back! fin this takes the cake!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob barker Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 Originally posted by welcome mat ok, this isnt as bad, but it's bad. I'm laying there on my girlfriends bed in her house (lives with parents) and it's like 1:30 AM she likes the kinky stuff, so for the ONE TIME I say yes she puts me in handcuffs to her dresser and gives me a blowjob then her mom knocks on the door and my girlfriend jumps up and is panicking and I'm like "UNCUFF ME YOU BITCH" and she waits for like 3 seconds and finally realizes "maybe I should uncuff him so he can pull his own fucking pants up" so she does, and it ends with her mom walking in just after we make it look like we're not doing anything. shit, I cant step foot in her house anymore. hahahaha..so thats why youre never in there for more then 6 minuts:crazy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Posted February 6, 2003 Share Posted February 6, 2003 Originally posted by fr8oholic ANTE UP WHEN! here you bastards go... for the third time! so i go to this party just looking to have a good time and as always looking to bag a chick or two while there i drove a rental car there due to my ride being broken (thank god) it was a midsize sedan (not too important but good room in it for sex) so im drinking a bit when this girl comes up and starts talking to me im talking to her and drinking some more when she asks me if i want to fuck, of course i say yes because she doesnt look half bad as far as my eyes are concerned. i mention that we can go to my car and get our action on because it has a decent sized back seat, so we get up and head out to the car for a little bump and grind, we start kissing and fucking around a bit and shes getting all drippy and excited so i see it as my time to get my dick up in her guts, so were going at it for a bit and the windows are all foggy and its getting pretty hot in the car... just a musty sex mist in the air that almost makes you sick. she whispers in my ear to let her know when im about to cum i figure its just so she knows that im going to pull out or something (since i wasnt wearing a condom) so i tell her that ill let her know. a few minutes later im on the verge and i tell her that im going to bust and as im just about to pull out, this bitch sticks her finger as far up my ass as she possibly ever could (atleast it felt that way) now as soon as she did this it triggered something in me to let my bowels release (i dont know if its a human biology thing or what?) and the gates of hell opened as my ass started bursting with shit all over the back seat of the car, i get freaked out, and get out of the car pants in hand to run back in the house to clean myself up. im in the house for a good 5 minutes in the bathroom cleaning shit off of my skin and clothes i come back outside to see what the fuck she is up to figuring she would want to go clean up or something... but what do i see once i open the door? this bitch is rubbing her goddamned face in my shit! i proceed to flip out yelling at her, im just going fucking irate she then bolts out of the car door and takes off running down the street thats the last i ever saw of her, and the funny thing is no one even knows who the fuck she was, she just showed up at the party. well there is When's worst sexual experience/shit story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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