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Worst Sexual Experience: Revived

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by [email protected]@N, Feb 4, 2003.

  1. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0
    R.I.P Worst Sexual Experience thread, we hardly knew ye.

    I've got one to share but I'm not going first.
  2. welcome mat

    welcome mat Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 28, 2002 Messages: 233 Likes Received: 0
    ok, this isnt as bad, but it's bad.

    I'm laying there on my girlfriends bed in her house (lives with parents) and it's like 1:30 AM

    she likes the kinky stuff, so for the ONE TIME I say yes she puts me in handcuffs to her dresser and gives me a blowjob

    then her mom knocks on the door and my girlfriend jumps up and is panicking and I'm like "UNCUFF ME YOU BITCH"

    and she waits for like 3 seconds and finally realizes "maybe I should uncuff him so he can pull his own fucking pants up"

    so she does, and it ends with her mom walking in just after we make it look like we're not doing anything.

    shit, I cant step foot in her house anymore.
  3. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    hahaaha..there is this girl in hawaii thats apart of this singing group called "fourtay"(semi famous), but from what i hear..there is a video of her shitting on some guys dick..during sex..haha
  4. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0
    ^^^ harsh. No pity from me, though; see #2.

    Alright some of these had me shittin my pants laughing.
    My condolences to When on the death of his pride and congratulations
    to his thriving humility.

    1) Alright, it was me and my first girlfriend, first time getting head. We're
    downstairs in my living room, watching TV and she decides its time to
    give me what I've been so patiently waiting for. She starts doin it, and
    I'm enjoyin it more than anything in the world, completely happy cause
    this is what the world spins by. So I'm gettin close to bustin, and my
    dick starts feelin a little bit sore, but I kinda just shook it off 'cause I had
    never done this before and had nothing to compare it to. Well I busted,
    and as soon as I started calmin down again, I felt it completely. The pain
    was worse than any other pain EVER, like a burning/tearing/painful to
    exist kind of feeling. Turns out, my girl had a sharp part on her braces
    on the inside of her teeth. Upon further inspection of my dick, you could
    see like a dimple in one spot. It didn't bleed and no it wasn't big, but it
    fucking hurt. I don't think I ever forgave her for that. I couldn't touch
    myself for about a month, fuckin ending up cleaning piss off the floor
    cause I was too afraid to hold myself and aim. Ugh. No braces.

    2) This is my previous girlfriend. Her mom works nights, and so I'd lie
    to my mom and say her mom would be home. I'd get a ride to her place,
    we'd fuck and spend the night together, and I'd walk down to work in the
    morning, or call for a ride home if I was off. Well as this went on and on
    my exit time starting getting closer and closer to her moms arrival time.
    One of the mornings, I woke up and my girl was already awake, and she
    wanted sex before I left. So we start doin our biz and I was getting
    really into it. When I started feelin like I was gonna go, I hear a car
    coming up the road. I'm like ......shiiiiiiit. But I figured what the hell
    just keep going, it can't be her mom. Wrong. I hear her pull in the
    driveway and I about shit myself. I get up, grab the clothes I could find,
    and my girl stuffs me in her dead grandfathers closet. This isn't a reg.
    closet though, it's got shelves that come all the way out to the door.
    I end up doing some contortionists nightmare in there for a good hour
    and a half before my girl decides the coast is clear to sneak me out.
    I end up doing a James Bond style sneak and somersault down the stairs
    and out the front door that my girl held open, at which point I stood up
    and walked inside, pretending I just showed up. It was by far the closest
    I've ever been to being caught.


    Joined: Apr 30, 2002 Messages: 711 Likes Received: 0
    i just remember one time this one girl i would hook up with now and then was goin down on me and it just hurt, but i just acted it didnt because of the above mentioned reason.....its not like she wore braces either tho, either she was just doin it wrong or her mouth was too small for my shlong, which isnt huge but i guess if you have a small mouth it might seem that way..
  6. mr.e

    mr.e Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 8, 2000 Messages: 2,343 Likes Received: 0
    two words:

    whiskey dick.

    man i had just got this new girl and i was all about it, but when it came time for fuckin, i guess i had had a few too many and just couldnt get it up for the life of me. shit was very very weak.

    but its ok now cause shes my girlfriend and i get that shit on the reg now.
  7. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    Hahaha ... great stories, Satan.
  8. TRAMP

    TRAMP Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2001 Messages: 594 Likes Received: 0
    This dude I went to school with was telling me how he was fucking his wife in the ass one night ...and when he was finished his dick hole started burning like fuck, it kept him up all night long so he went to the doctor in the morning to get it checked out...hahaha turns out he got a chili seed stuck in his hole. hahaha
  9. krie

    krie Guest

    ^^^ hahaha fuck that wood suck ass
  10. podrido

    podrido Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 14, 2001 Messages: 9,182 Likes Received: 28
    parents house,
    dads drunk asleep wakes up kicks me out at 2 am and i'm about 20 miles from home buses stop running and i'm shit out of luck. oh and i was 16.

    this other time a girl tried to put a wrench around my shit and i wasnt to keen about it, turns out later they told me this girl was in counseling for being violent.:eek:
  11. Melburnian

    Melburnian Guest

    I think the real question here would be is What was a chilli seed doing up his wife's arse in the first place?

    Bloody hell even rubbing your eyes after playing with chilli burns.
  12. TRAMP

    TRAMP Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2001 Messages: 594 Likes Received: 0
    ^ dude, are you serious? she ate it. keep in mind that this in a part of the world where chili is/should be eaten with every meal...icecream.
  13. fr8burner

    fr8burner Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 4, 2001 Messages: 2,576 Likes Received: 2
    i remember one time a few years ago i was at my girls house, ex girl now but we were fuckin around in the back room. this is a trailer house might i add so theres only one way out and the door is in the front and we were in the very back room... well her mom comes home and shes really strict about this sorta thing so i jump in the closet...she comes in and starts talking to her about random stuff..she goes out in the living room and watches tv...now i would have to walk past there to get out...so im thinkin great im stuck in this closet all night...we come up with this plan to get her to go outside...my ex girl goes out there and says "mom someones pounding on the back window and trying to break in"..while she goes out there to look i quik run trying to make it to the door..i get about half way and hear her coming back in, so i jump into the closest door i can find, which is the fernace door. now anyone who lives in a trailer knows what door im talking about. so im stuck in this like small as space with the fernace right next to me, i had to pull the door real hard against me so that it would look shut, so it was squishing me against the fernace and shit. now im thinking fuck this is 10 times worse than the damn closet. i wait in there for what seems like forever and finally she gets up to use the bathroom and i bolt out the door..

    i guess the sexual experience wasnt so bad but all that shit i had to go through just to get out sucked ass..
  14. 23578

    23578 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 2, 2000 Messages: 2,521 Likes Received: 0
    OK, let me say I've never had really bad sex from my point of view, but I remember one time this chick who I used to think was really hot (she worked with me in high school, but was a few years younger), came back from college like her sophomore year about 25 pounds fatter, but if you know me, you know I'm kinda dirty like that sometimes. Anyhow she takes me back to her place, and I know she's kinda slutty, but I'm young and stupid, and drunk as hell, so I'm eating her out through her pants (PUH-LEASE, I don't get that drunk), and have to take a shit, so I go to do it (never do this), and come out ten minutes later not having shit, and with the biggest case of whiskey dick ever, and proceed to get her nekkid and feed her mister softee, when she starts giving me the third degree about do I really like her for her and shit. So I'm like, in a playful really kinda bored stupid way, "nah, you're just another wet vagina for me to. . ." Needless to say she threw me out then and there before I even finished my sentence. Fucking good times. I love that story. Alas, those care free days of yore.
  15. killtheradio

    killtheradio Member

    Joined: Dec 20, 2002 Messages: 375 Likes Received: 1