Poop Man Bob Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 There's not that many, but they were funny enough to share: He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. -- Joseph Romm, Washington She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. -- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. -- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. -- Roy Ashley, Washington Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. -- Russell Beland, Springfield Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake -- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. -- Unknown He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. -- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man." -- Russell Beland, Springfield Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. -- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. -- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. -- Russell Beland, Springfield The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. -- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarcasm Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. -- Unknown Quoted post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLIK$ Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 -- Russell Beland, Springfield Has shit on lock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyHorton Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. -- Russell Beland, Springfield Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man." -- Russell Beland, Springfield russel you are the man this guy is destined for stand up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClueTwo Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 My roommates are probably wondering why I'm laughing like an idiot.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fondles Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 hahaha this shit is funny "Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph." -- Jennifer Hart, Arlington Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GEEB Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree." -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase :haha: :haha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumy Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 PMB..you just made me smile.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricitySucks Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 this is the kind of english i like to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 i wouldnt describe these as bad at all.... they were obviously intentional and far more interesting to read than "their love was like a rose" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodice_ripper Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield . Quoted post "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. " -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy I'm on to him..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterrent Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 I released the bird claw like grip of his arm and I pulled the gun back from his head much like throwing trought back in a lake, but latter we'd share trought I caught a week prior that matched the date on our milkcarton. "I have heard once share a story of dragon like flies" said the man I press the gun back to his head much the way like his voice pressed my anger switch just like he pressed my anger button moments before. -me notes jan'96 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellbeefer Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 i've been told i'm pretty bad at analogies......i hope not this bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krakatau Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Originally posted by bodice_ripper+Aug 6 2005, 05:57 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (bodice_ripper - Aug 6 2005, 05:57 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 05:49 PM The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield . Quoted post "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. " -The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy I'm on to him..... Quoted post [/b] Beat me to it. At least he steals in good taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riddimz Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 a lot of them are shockingly good i think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GEEB Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 I lazily opened my window that moring, the morning sun reminding me of my hangover much like dance n graff reminds me to shoot myself with water guns full of water except the water was crystal gyser and not tap water because that shit tastes gross, even though i wouldent be drinking it, but still. --me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 if laughter lasts more than four hours, see your doctor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOx Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 I fail to see the humour in intentionally bad analogies. ?? It would be funny if they were handwritten scans of real students essays.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 i had no clue lubrication was a mod...hmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 hahaha funny shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricitySucks Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Originally posted by ARCEL@Aug 7 2005, 07:30 AM if laughter lasts more than four hours, see your doctor Quoted post ba-doom-ppsssshhhh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Blaze Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 best thred i have read all day. yet it is only 12:10pm. hmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinup Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Fuck, i found this test i had done in high school the other day where i had received the grade of 3 out of 20. I remember I aswered a 10 point worth question with something like "The map reveals that Africa has the worst infrastructure for water distribution, which makes sense because this is what the map shows" I always wonder how real those kind of quote compilations are anyway. And as it's been said I'm sure they're deliberately funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shameless self promotion Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob@Aug 6 2005, 12:49 PM His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. -- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge Representing Hoodbridge, baby. :shook: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 hahaa - I think a few of these are pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackfatsoe Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theGOON Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 tree... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
master bait Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 he said "anal" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igor Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 fuck, these are so funny. I'm at work and try real hard not to laugh. I had to stop reading. Great thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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