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working retail. ahh, memories.

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by iloveboxcars, Jun 14, 2006.

  1. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jul 29, 2002 Messages: 20,506 Likes Received: 448
    i was reading a thread on somethingawful and since i dont want to pay 10 dollars to contribute there, i thought i'd share acouple of my stories here and invite you to share yours as well. here it goes. i also did a search for "retail" which came up with one thread about piracy and another thread about something i dont remember.

    about 5 years ago i worked at hollywood video. actually one of the better jobs i had due to how easy all of the work was and how understanding most of the customers were. me and acouple of my peons got bored fairly often because we were all pretty hard workers so the work would be done way before it was time for our shifts to let off. we did a lot of different shit to pass the time. for awhile we played football with some of the merchandise, the only thing that ended this is the district manager walking in on one of our games. the district manager was one hell of a cool guy though, i'd go over to his place often and have a few beers while talking about how great my store was. anyway..

    every once in awhile customers dropped porn off instead of the actual rented video. some of the videos were never claimed.. these videos would usually just sit somewhere until this nasty dude named jason that worked there (one of those fat lying types.. he once claimed to own a ducati but didnt want to drive it to work because he didnt want to be hassled by the cops.. he walked or took the bus to work every day) too long of a parenthesis break.. the jason guy would take them home. we knew this because they always disappeared on his shift.. he always denied it though because he had a "great girlfriend" that would "give him head whenever he asked" .. she never seemed to want to come to the store though.

    we also had splicing tools just incase a move came back and we could cut just alittle bit out of it to fix the video. cut to the chase - we started splicing porn into movies. random movies.. we never put these movies back on the shelf, we would all try to make the porn happen at the most hilarious times.. for instance, when someone looks into a window and instead of cutting to what they're looking at we cut to a facial, then back to the regular movie after a few seconds.

    as all good stories go, a mishap. a terrible mishap. a scooby-doo spliced video was nowhere to be found. the store had so many scooby doo videos that finding that specific one would have taken acouple weeks. we all just kinda forgot about the video.. and we stopped splicing porn into videos as well, kinda scared that if more than one video was found with porn in it the store would be under investigation.

    a few months later a guy walks in looking like he needs some kind of help. at this point i had completely forgotten about the porn spliced into the lost scooby doo tape, but as soon as i said "can i help you with something" and he raised the scooby doo tape it all came rushing back to me like a giant glob of semen racing towards kettie cat's asshole. i had to struggle to keep the smile from forming on my face. i knew this was going to be bad. real bad. a smile wouldnt have helped im sure. the guy was surprisingly calm though, he said he had rented this video and left it playing for his daughter while he was reading the newspaper. he said after awhile he heard the oh-so familiar sounds looked up and had to rush over to the tv and cover it, but it was too late. his 4 year old daughter saw a guy fucking a girl in the ass. and this wasnt a regular shot either. the girl was doggy style, the guy was hovering over her and the camera was right behind them, the girl had her head turned toward the camera and said "yes, fuck my asssss" before he could turn it off.
    i apologized profusely but he said it was not my fault (although yes, yes it was). he said the only problem he had with it is he had to explain to his daughter alittle earlier than he wanted what sex was. i gave him several free rentals.. but i had never seen him return to the store. that was a pretty good splice though, it was right after shaggy opened up a door there was the familiar creak of the door opening then some static (that cant really be avoided) and then ass fucking. i cant really tell too many people about that, but there you go.

    add your stories.

    edit - misspellings.
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2006
  2. the.crooked

    the.crooked Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,864 Likes Received: 181
    i worked one day retail at an american eagle. after that day of work, i walked to my car and had a message on my phone offering me an office job at a law firm. no thank you retail...
  3. the.crooked

    the.crooked Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,864 Likes Received: 181
    however, i did love flirtin with the mad fine mothers bringin their mad fine daughters there. workin the dressin rooms was sorta fun.
  4. lord_casek

    lord_casek 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jan 24, 2006 Messages: 27,122 Likes Received: 1,047

    that was fucking awesome. except, i don't think 4 year olds should see ass fuckng.
    but hilarious all the same. you get props.
  5. toggle

    toggle Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2005 Messages: 352 Likes Received: 2
    FUCK having to check up on customers in the dressing rooms.
    My old place of employment required us to check up after only 30 seconds, and then every 45 seconds.
    Now that shit must be annoying as funk
  6. AyeBee

    AyeBee Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,798 Likes Received: 29
    That was a fucking awesome story...we need more of that around here
  7. the.crooked

    the.crooked Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,864 Likes Received: 181
    i just read the story. awesome.

    "it all came rushing back to me like a giant glob of semen racing towards kettie cat's asshole"

  8. Klip

    Klip Junior Member

    Joined: Jun 13, 2006 Messages: 216 Likes Received: 0
    At my workplace some lady was trying to steal something and then the loss prevention guy caught her and she was begging him to let her go and he's like nope gotta come with me, and I was walking the same way they where and I swear on everything everytime she took a step she farted and she was red as hell saying sorry, excuse me and all this shit but man that was funny as hell.
  9. ^ . ^

    ^ . ^ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Aug 13, 2003 Messages: 8,231 Likes Received: 73
    i lolerd.

    that was evil, but really fucking funny.

    No retail stories from me. The worst was me taking merchandise.
  10. random name

    random name Junior Member

    Joined: Jul 27, 2004 Messages: 180 Likes Received: 0
    yeah, working with the general public is fun.

    let's see... i had one guy throw a bag and hit me in the face because his credit card came up stolen. he then tried to jump over the counter to get me because i wouldn't give his card back(i got $50 for recovering it from the credit card company). security ended up letting him go.

    one guy called me racist because i was faxing this form for him and instead of handing it to him, i set it down in front of him.
    "I'm a 6 foot tall black man, i don't understand why you didn't hand it back to me"
    "well you were busy reaching into your wallet"
    "i see how it is, the white man wants to take money from the black man but he doesn't want to give him anything back"
    that was followed by about 15 minutes of him claiming he was going to get me fired and ruin my life forever. didn't happen.

    one guy threatened to kick my ass because i wanted to charge him $1.50 for an envelope that he used. it wasn't worth the argument.

    one woman told me i was going to burn in hell when the apocolypse comes and that's why she didn't believe in the greenhouse effect. ok.

    i worked at this bookstore, similar to borders, where homeless people would set up shop everyday. they would come in first thing in the morning, get a stack of books and magazines and sit all day and read until we closed. while that alone wasn't a huge problem, it was disconcerting to see them only get up to go to the bathroom and smoke crack and do heroin. then there was the guy with explosive diarreah who didn't bother getting up out of his seat.

    just last week an 80 year old woman handed me a package covered in piss. i wish i would of realized this before she handed it to me.

    those are just a few i can think of right now, i know theres tons more im trying to repress from my memory. i've worked retail for waaaay too long.
  11. Hayabusa

    Hayabusa Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 6,501 Likes Received: 211
    i currently work in retail
    it has to be one of the easier things ive done so far.
    nothing beats trying to sell people extra shit they dont really need, just to make ur store money

    i havent been on the job long, so i dont have too many crazy stories.
    the guy who comes in to deliver our merchendise is always complaining about how we're slow, and how his time is precious and hell get fired if hes slow...oh well

    we always make fun of ppl who drop off resumes and whos resumes are crappy. We talk shit about how dumb most people are (truth) and how wed get with all the fine female customers. pretty basic guy stuff i guess

    sometimes, if the cooler manager is in, we blast rock music, iron madien, kiss, metallica and the likes in our store.

    people always complain about our music being too loud.

    more stories to come as they arise i guess
  12. 10 Dollar Blowjobs

    10 Dollar Blowjobs Senior Member

    Joined: May 23, 2006 Messages: 1,337 Likes Received: 2
    i worked at the disney store, and one time i masturbated into this finding nemo doll and i put it back on the shelf after i was done
  13. Issac Brock

    Issac Brock Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 2, 2004 Messages: 3,664 Likes Received: 1
    nigga kill yoself
  14. defyoner

    defyoner Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 20, 2000 Messages: 4,873 Likes Received: 3
    me and a co worker had urine battles. one the stall one at the urinal.. and piss on the wall. i dunno it was fun/funny at the time. circuit city.
  15. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jul 29, 2002 Messages: 20,506 Likes Received: 448
    when i was younger i worked at a cinnabon. some weird shit happened where a friend of mine was in the managerial position at the age of 17 (i was 15 at the time) and so he hired a bunch of his friends, me being one of them. my friend Daniel (names not changed because if someone finds this Daniel because of this one story i'd be fucking amazed) anyway - my friend Daniel got really sick of working there after awhile. he started doing rediculously fucked up shit. i dont know if they still do it like this, but when we worked there there was a tub of that cream sauce on the floor, its what we used to put on top of the cinnabon. my friend would walk by and spit in it, blow snot rockets in it. etc etc. (because of this, to this day, i cannot eat a cinnabon) no one ever really figured that out, i mean it blended right in. then after he noticed no one else would notice he started (and no, im not joking here) he started shitting in cups and leaving them next to the register. just slightly out of sight to the customer so they couldn't see he had shit in a cup, but close enough to where they could smell some shit.

    eh i just realized there's no cool way to end this story. so there you have it.

    he also worked at arby's and peed on the chicken tenders while they were in the freezer. i guess that didnt matter as much because that shit got deepfried.

    nasty dude.