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women, men and alchohol…hehe

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by WebsterUno, Aug 16, 2001.

  1. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest

    Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a
    woman's personality based on what she drinks.  Though interviewed
    separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

    Drink: Beer
    Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
    Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

    Drink: Blender Drinks
    Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
    Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

    Drink: Mixed Drinks
    Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
    Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

    Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
    Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
    Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more
    years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

    Drink: White Zin
    Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no
    Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

    Drink: Shots
    Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and
    Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

    Then there is the male addendum .... The deal with guys is, as
    always, very simple and clear cut.

    Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

    Good Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

    Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image
    help him get laid.

    Whiskey: He doesn't give two shit's about anything but getting laid.

    Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something.

    White Zin. or Blender drinks: He's gay.
  2. Remy Martin

    Remy Martin Guest

  3. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest

    oh yeah…try this on for size!

    A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
    listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God
    bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa."
    The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
    The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
    The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.
    A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
    prayers, which went like this:
    God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma.
    Next day the grandmother died.
    My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
    Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
    say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock.
    Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his
    office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the
    clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK.
    He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at
    the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch
    and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
    When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
    He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
    She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to
    me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

    [This message has been edited by WebsterUno (edited 08-16-2001).]
  4. Remy Martin

    Remy Martin Guest


  5. st.nick

    st.nick Member

    Joined: Dec 26, 2000 Messages: 672 Likes Received: 1
    oh thats good.. real good
  6. eyeBddub

    eyeBddub Member

    Joined: Jan 14, 2001 Messages: 659 Likes Received: 0
    hahaha webster you never dissapoint
  7. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest

    I try. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'>
    bump-anyone got any good jokes?
  8. Are2

    Are2 Guest

    2 peanuts were walkin down the street and one of em was assaulted
  9. MASk!

    MASk! Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 7, 2000 Messages: 1,356 Likes Received: 1
  10. beardo

    beardo Guest

    what does snoop doggy dogg wash his clothes with?

  11. tow up from tha flow up !

    tow up from tha flow up ! Member

    Joined: May 31, 2001 Messages: 878 Likes Received: 1
    ha ha beardo.

    Recently a magical mirror was discovered in NYC at an antique shop. The mirror is all knowing and all truth telling. How it works is you say a fact into it, if it is true it will tell you straight up that what you said is true. However, if the statement is false the mirror will suck you in and keep you in it's eternal hell.

    Three best friends, a blonde, burnette, and a redhead decide to travel to NYC to test their theory's on life.

    The burnette steps up to the mirror, takes a big breath and declares "I think I am the most beautiful girl in the world" POOOF! The mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

    The redhead steps up to the mirror, takes a big breath and declares "I think I am the smartest woman in the world" POOOF! The mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

    The blonde, extremely nervous, steps up to the mirror. She takes a big breath and declares "I think.." POOOOF! the mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

    PRUDE - If I had nuts, you'd be on 'em.
  12. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    My letter styles are more complex and my bombs are bigger than ...POOOOOF!
  13. eyeBddub

    eyeBddub Member

    Joined: Jan 14, 2001 Messages: 659 Likes Received: 0
    haha Prude... not bad...

    I'll be back later with some chilling dead baby jokes... maybe even some real humor

  14. eyeBddub

    eyeBddub Member

    Joined: Jan 14, 2001 Messages: 659 Likes Received: 0
    Q: Whats the Difference between a Dead Baby and a Trampoline?
    A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

    Q: Why do dogs lick their penis?
    A: They can't make a fist.

    Q: Why do pedaphiles love halloween?
    A: Free delivery

    Q: Whats the title of Christopher Reeves next movie?
    A: SuperMan Gets A Good Parking Spot.

    Q: Whats sicker than driving over a baby?
    A: Skidding

    Q: How can you tell a female midget is menstruating?
    A: She keeps tripping over the string.

    Q: What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs?
    A: Nice tits

    Q: What do fat people do in the summertime?
    A: Stink

    Q: What do you do with a one legged dog?
    A: Take it for a drag

    Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving?
    A: It scares the shit out of the dog

  15. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    along the same lines...

    Q:How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
    A:Blow him.

    a girl told me that one.