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where did the summer go.......rob

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Aug 29, 2003.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of August 28, 2003

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    Mars is now closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It's shining 85 times brighter than it did a year ago, and it will be the single most brilliant light in the night sky this week. Is the red planet therefore beaming an intensified dose of its charismatic, melodramatic Martian vibrations at us? Will our libidos feel as if they've been supercharged? I suspect so. Psychotherapists everywhere may be besieged by clients who don't know how to handle the gift of wildly enhanced vitality. I doubt there'll be many complaints from you Aries folks, though: Mars is your ruling planet. While other signs may be held hostage by lust, anger, competition, and blind ambition, you'll know exactly what to do with all that extra mojo.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    This week Mars is closer to Earth than it has been since cavemen roamed the earth. It also happens to be midway through a five-month sojourn in your astrological House of Networking, which is its longest stay since 1956. Because the red planet invigorates everything it influences, you could very well be a whiz at winning friends and influencing people from now until December. But keep in mind that unless you respond with all your passionate ingenuity to the arousing Martian energy, it may also have a disruptive effect. Here's your rule of thumb: Go all the way, give everything you have, and don't hold back.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    Do you think you'd enjoy being able to focus all your ambitions in one overarching dream? Can you imagine what it might be like not to feel your desires split in five different directions? While your predilection for versatility and vacillation isn't necessarily a bad thing, Gemini, it might be interesting at some point in your life to explore the ferocious pleasures of single-mindedness. It so happens that now is a perfect moment to launch such an exploration. Mars, the planet that rules willpower and determination, is currently expressing tremendous force in your astrological House of Total Commitment. There has rarely been a better time for you to stabilize your purpose and steel your resolve.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    The largest mountain on Mars, Olympus Mons, is almost three times the size of Mount Everest. It should serve as your sacred symbol of power in the coming months. Why? Because the red planet is now pouring extra mojo into your astrological House of Exploration, and will continue to do so through mid-December. You will have the ability to pull off frontier adventures that are equivalent to climbing to the top of Olympus Mons.

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    It's a perfect moment to purge romantic karma left over from the old days. You shouldn't go another week without doing a ritual to dissolve the bad memories, lingering resentments, and ancient wounds that have continued to tweak your intimate relationships. It's also prime time to kill off your outdated dogmas about gender roles and to blow up any obstacles that interfere with your ability to experience total sexual pleasure. How can I be so sure you're ready for these fate-mutating transitions? Mars, the planet of creative destruction, is currently bringing its tough love to your astrological House of Sexy Emotions. I predict that it will liberate you from influences that prevent you from finding more beautiful and flagrant ways to enjoy your libido.

    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    Astronomers are uncertain about how brightly Mars will glow in the sky this week. It'll be as close as it ever gets to both the Earth and sun, and should theoretically be a dazzling beacon. But there's a possibility that huge dust storms will sweep the planet, increasing its reflectivity and boosting its illumination even further. Due to astrological factors that would take too long to explain here, I predict that you Virgos will be as shiny and brilliant as Mars, and that any storms passing your way will only make you shinier and more brilliant.

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    Mars is not only a heavenly body, but also an aspect of your psyche. Your inner Mars consists of your ambition, animal energy, willpower, and sex drive. By reading the movements of the red planet in the sky, we astrologers can make educated guesses about the state of the Mars force within you. Here's my analysis: Your ambition will get back on track now if you give it a chiropractic-like adjustment; your animal energy will return to full vitality if you stop doing the careless thing that's weakening it; your willpower has been muted by the consequences of a past mistake, but you now have the insight to correct the mistake; your sex drive is not as pure and strong as it could be, but will become so if you will just get clearer about what really turns you on.

    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    Michel Gauquelin (1928-1991) was a French statistician and psychologist who set out to prove astrology is bunk. To his surprise, he found some scientific evidence demonstrating its validity. One striking discovery was the Mars Effect: There is a significant probability of world-class athletes and military leaders being born when the red planet is rising in the sky. I believe you Scorpios are now benefiting from a variation on this phenomenon. Mars, which is one of your astrological rulers, is closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It is also in the midst of a rare five-month visit to your House of Creative Self-Expression. I believe that not only means you are extra fertile; you're also at the peak of your physical vigor and your ability to emerge victorious in competitive struggles.

    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    You and your tribe are the restless explorers of the zodiac, Sagittarius. Your wanderlust sometimes becomes so consuming that you forget how important it is to have a home base. And when you suffer from that delusion, you aren't likely to devote much creativity to keeping your foundations strong. Luckily, you're now in a phase when you can't possibly get away with this ignorance. The energizing planet Mars is stirring up a flood of feelings and ideas about what you need to sustain you -- and how to take good care of it.

    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    Alert! Mars is extremely up-close and personal right now. Not since the time of the Neanderthals has the red planet veered so near to the Earth. In cosmic terms, it's practically on top of us, ladies and gentlemen. It's in our faces. It's forcing us to deal with its favorite agendas. What that means for you Capricorns is that you'd better communicate with concise candor in all matters related to your ambitions and sexuality. Find a way to express your burning desires with uncompromising integrity.

    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    Mars is closer to Earth right now than it has been since the Old Stone Age. At the same time, amazingly enough, it's also making its nearest approach to the sun. As a result, we're able to get our best look ever at the melting of the red planet's south polar cap. This rare confluence provides a good metaphor for the effect that the intensified Martian vibes are likely to have on you as they impact your astrological House of Finances and Possessions. I believe your frozen assets are about to thaw.

    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    Mars usually cruises through a sign in five to eight weeks, but it has been in Pisces since June 16 and will remain there until December 16 -- its longest stay since 1956. But that's not all: Mars is now closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. During this unprecedented convergence of unusual events, I predict that your relationship with the red planet will be more intense and intimate than it ever has been. Here are some of the tasks you can expect cosmic assistance with: discovering secrets about how to ask forcefully for what you really want; making your strategies for success more foolproof and irresistible; and getting very clear about the life goals that are most important for you to pursue in the next ten years.
  2. T E A S E R

    T E A S E R Guest

    yes, where the fuck did the summer go. shit went by ridiculously fast. fuck.
  3. beardo

    beardo Guest

  4. caL

    caL Senior Member

    Joined: Feb 7, 2003 Messages: 2,056 Likes Received: 0
    hell yea.

    it needs to get cold allready.... im tired of the upper 80's temp
    (even if it only gets cold for a week like last year)
  5. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    I don't have any frozen assets to thaw.


    roe - Bad Plus plays here tomorrow night. The girlie and I may go.
  6. afraidoflife

    afraidoflife Member

    Joined: Apr 13, 2003 Messages: 322 Likes Received: 0
    yeah, that's right.

  7. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    amen, brother. gotta get shit on track.
  8. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    werd.........GO SEE THEM bobbo.......

    my boy saw em, and said that they changed his view of music....
  9. Rodney Trotter

    Rodney Trotter Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 23, 2001 Messages: 1,683 Likes Received: 1
    Every friday you post up this horoscope crap. Stop with that.
  10. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    i do it just to piss you off rod.....
  11. TEARZ

    TEARZ Guest

    yes yes
    word to marsz

    my summer was chugging along until july 29 and then POOF! beautiful.
  12. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    this horroscope crap is a long standing friday tradition.
    If it pisses you off rodney, you should know how to avoid it by now.

    -------------------------- earth to mars!

    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You'll raise self-involvement to new heights by taking the discovery of a new species of insect as a personal affront.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    The way you relate to others will only be subtly altered by your new habit of carrying a constantly firing Gatling gun under each arm.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    This week will bring you a healthy, fulfilling romance in the workplace. That will motivate you to get a goddamn job.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    The siren song of forbidden love will ring in your ears this week when you become sexually attracted to your town's warning klaxon.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    The world's scientists will be excited when you tell them you're growing a vestigial tail, until they realize the scatological nature of your sense of humor.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    Enough about you. This week, Virgo will be unable to shake the feeling that you never listen to her.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    You'll discover a great new diet that lets you eat whatever you want while ballooning up to 450 sexy, sexy pounds.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    It's getting harder for your loved ones to believe that you never have any spare change.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    The movement of planets in your sign foretells amazing romantic events this week. The stars, however, just pour out endless amounts of electromagnetic radiation.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    People often fall in love with the person who is worst for them, which is good news for you.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    You will find yourself lost in a strange new world in which the hairless, vaguely simian natives seem to be trying to communicate with you.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    Don't worry if you don't understand the complex, yet seemingly effortless, unfolding of the universe. After all, you're stupid.
  13. 23578

    23578 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 2, 2000 Messages: 2,521 Likes Received: 0
    why is it hard to believe, i'm broke. word to the red planet.
  14. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    I say.... do the opposite.

    what's the sign?
  15. Grandola

    Grandola Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 16, 2002 Messages: 1,773 Likes Received: 0