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What Would Uncle Jesse Do? ++WWUJD++

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Aug 7, 2003.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    What Would Uncle Jesse Do? ++WWUJD++

    Discussion started by Poop Man Bob - Aug 7, 2003

    http://www.wwujd.com/


    http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-2.gif'> [b][color=gold][SIZE=2]What Would[/b][/color][/SIZE] [img]http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-2.gif'>
    [color=888888]peepants #1 peepants #1[/color][b][color=gold][SIZE=2]Uncle Jesse Do?[/b][/color][/SIZE]


    [color=888888]he touches my bathing suit area[/color] [img]http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-4.jpg'>


    [b][color=gold][SIZE=2]What Uncle Jesse Would Do[/b][/color][/SIZE]
    Have you ever found yourself in a situation wishing that you were sweet like Uncle Jesse? Considering the fact that you are yourself, and not Uncle Jesse, chances are that you have. This section was designed with such circumstances in mind. In an effort to embassatate the sweet-i-tude that is Uncle Jesse to the entire world, we here at "WWUJD?" have, in fact, tested Uncle Jesse in a variety of situations to see how he would react.

    • [b]Situation #1:[/b] Your child comes home from school complaining that a bully has been harassing him and taking his lunch money at recess...

    [b][color=gold]What Uncle Jesse Would Do:[/b][/color] Uncle Jesse's child is the one beating up on your child. This is because Uncle Jesse has raised his child not to be a big wuss. If you were a better parent, maybe you wouldn't have these problems. Try getting a motorcycle, and getting better hair...that might help, but your kid will still probably get the crap kicked out of him by Uncle Jesse's kid.

    •[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•

    • [b]Situation #2:[/b] You come out from getting your haircut (by your barber named Alejandro) to find that someone has tipped over your motorcycle and torn your leather jacket in the process...

    [b][color=gold]What Uncle Jesse Would Do:[/b][/color] [url=http://www.wwujd.com/situation4_files/Black-Eye-2.jpg]This,[/url] [url=http://www.wwujd.com/situation4_files/Black-Eye-2.jpg]this,[/url] and [url=http://www.wwujd.com/situation4_files/Black-Eye-2.jpg]this.[/url]

    •[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•

    • [b]Situation #3:[/b] Your fiancee wants you to get married someplace lame (like Nebraska), rather than someplace sweet (like a chapel shaped like a giant sideburn in Graceland)...

    [b][color=gold]What Uncle Jesse Would Do:[/b][/color] Uncle Jesse would go to Graceland and marry himself. You, however, will probably get whipped into going to Nebraska...cause you're a big wuss.

    •[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•[color=888888]idrinkurine[/color]•

    • [b]Situation #4:[/b] Your partner in advertising goes behind your back when making a presentation to important clients by incorporating little, dancing puppet cats into said presentation...

    [b][color=gold]What Uncle Jesse Would Do:[/b][/color] We had trouble finding someone dumb enough to double cross Uncle Jesse...so we called [url=http://www.wwujd.com/situation10_files/Steven-Segal.jpg]Steven Segal.[/url] He was busy eating a sandwich, but said he'd help us out when he was done. We finally picked him up from his tent in the woods and sent him into the meeting with Uncle Jesse. When Steven Segal pulled out the little, dancing puppet cats, Uncle Jesse went ape-shit. He picked up Steven Segal and smashed his head in a briefcase. Then, he threw the briefcase down the elevator shaft. Then, he drove his 1969 Mustang (named Sally) down to the bottom of the elevator shaft and rolled back and forth over Steven Segal like a hundred times. Then he went back upstairs and fought in the Civil War, and he won.
     
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  2. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    Uncle Jesse Doing Stuff
    http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/Mt-Rushmore.jpg'>
    Here is Uncle Jesse embracing our forefathers

    [img]http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/Uncle-Jesse-and-David-Hasselhoff.jpg'>
    Uncle Jesse and David Hasselhoff (partying like sweet dudes do)

    [img]http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/civil-war-1.jpg'>
    Uncle Jesse fought in the Civil War (he won, by the way)

    [img]http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/declaration-of-independence.jpg'>
    Uncle Jesse signed the Declaration of Independence

    [img]http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/uncle-jesse-and-yao-ming.gif'>
    Uncle Jesse is taller than Yao Ming
     
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  3. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    Interview With Uncle Jesse
    We here at "WWUJD" were fortunate enough to spend a few hours with Uncle Jesse in between his busy schedule of combing his hair and rocking out with the Rippers. We asked some pretty tough questions, here's what Uncle Jesse had to say...

    [color=888888]i bet uncle jesse gels his pubes[/color]http://www.wwujd.com/interveiwwithunclejesse_files/Uncle-Jesse-22.jpg'>

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]Uncle Jesse, how are you?

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] Uh, let's see...I have sweet hair, tight black jeans and a motorcycle...I'm fucking sweet!

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]What would you say has been your greatest accomplishment to date?

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] Many people would expect me to say something about "Full House," but let's face it, my greatest accomplishment to date is obviously having better hair than both Olsen Twins, combined.

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]Who would you say have been your role models in your life?

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Obviously, Elvis. He should be everybody's role model. Aside from his work with the homeless and the Ethiopian refugees in Taiwan, he was an incredible person. He could play the guitar, even on the toilet! And one time, I heard that his wife wouldn't make him a peanut butter and banana sandwich, so he went into the bathroom and combed his hair in front of the mirror for like 3 hours. That showed her. Aside from Elvis, I'd have to say Sammy Davis Jr. and Judge Dredd. Plus, I'm your role model.

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]What was your favorite part about working on the "Full House" set?

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Beating up on Bob Saget. Usually, I'd just do it for kicks every now and then, but then Bob went and told the producers. So, after I whooped them for sassing me, I found Bob and tied him up to the back of my Harley. Then I drove his ass around the set, while he cried. I video taped the whole thing, and sent it in to "America's Funniest Home Videos," but it didn't win...so I went to their set and kicked all their asses. Then, I combed my hair.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Seems like you're really into your hair, would you care to explain why?

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Uh, maybe you didn't see my hair. It's f*&%ing sweet. I mean, I can go from an incredible mullet, to a semi "Butt Cutt" and still look sweeter than you, or your entire family, ever will.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Is it true that you talk to your hair?

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Every now and then, I give the boys a little bit of a pep-talk. They need to hear that they are doing a good job up there, that keeps them in check.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] What advice would you give to people who maybe aren't as fortunate enough to have such breathtaking hair.

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]I'd say buy a bullet, rent a gun and just put yourself out of your misery.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Ok, Uncle Jesse, we just want to finish up with some word associations. I'll say a word, and you just say the first thing that comes to your mind, ok?

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Shoot...

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Rippers.

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] I have sweet hair.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Joey Gladstone.

    [b]Uncle Jesse: [/b]Big homo whose hair isn't as sweet as mine is.

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Rock and Roll.

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] My hair is sweeter than it was 10 seconds ago.

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]Olsen Twins.

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have hair.

    [b]WWUJD: [/b]Ok...one last one, Jay Leno.

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] Look how tight, a.k.a. SWEET, my jeans are!!

    [b]WWUJD:[/b] Alright, thank you for your time, Uncle Jesse.

    [b]Uncle Jesse:[/b] Have Mercy

    [color=888888]uncle jesse fathered my children[/color][img]http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessesfavorites_files/Uncle-Jesse-14.jpg'>
     
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  4. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    Uncle Jesse's Favorites

    Food: Gyros
    Movie: Judge Dredd
    Song: "Hit Me Baby One More Time"-Britney Spears
    Video Game: Tie between Contra and Rampage
    Olsen Twin: Ashley
    Hairstyle: Whatever he is wearing
    Professional Wrestler: Honky Tonk Man
    Trance DJ: N/A because Trance is lame
    Place to rock out: South Korea
    Celebrity to party with: David Hasselhoff
    Animal: Hippopotamus
    Popsicle Flavor: Banana
    New Kid on the Block: Donnie Wahlberg
    Ninja Turtle: Raphael
    Car: 1969 Ford Mustang
    Beer: Pabst Blue Ribbon
    State: Graceland
    School Subject: Recess
    Kid: Nicky
    Laundry Detergent: Cheer w/ colorguard




    Uncle Jesse's Least Favorites

    Food: Danny Tanner's Chicken Parmesan
    Movie: Groundhog Day
    Song: "In Da Club"-50 Cent
    Video Game: Everquest
    Olsen Twin: Mary-Kate
    Hairstyle: Whatever you are wearing
    Professional Wrestler: Aldo Montoya
    Trance DJ: N/A because Trance is lame
    Place to rock out: North Korea
    Celebrity to party with: Hugh Jackman
    Animal: Comet the dog
    Popsicle Flavor: Apple
    New Kid on the Block: Joey McIntyre
    Ninja Turtle: Leonardo
    Car: 1987 Chevy Astro Van
    Beer: Natty Ice
    State: Nebraska
    School Subject: French
    Kid: Alex
    Laundry Detergent: All



    Click the good-looking Greek to go to the website.
    [​IMG]
     
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  5. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    [color=888888]peepooweedoopeepoo![/color] PMB™ approved

    http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> [color=888888]ilikecheeseslutithink imgoingtoeatmyballskleekloo!!![/color] [img]http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'>
    [img]http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'> [img]http://fattydave.homestead.com/files/DavePureSex_1_.jpg'> [img]http://home.graffiti.net/concretecriminals/pmb2.gif'>
     
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  6. krie

    krie Guest

    krie - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    i like highlighting your thread's and seeing what hidden msgs u have
     
  7. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

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    Devilush - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    :lol: too funny!
     
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  8. iced_tea

    iced_tea 12oz Member

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    iced_tea - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    so how often do u drink urine?:confused:
     
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  9. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Poop Man Bob - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    Day-lee.
     
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  10. sweetcherry

    sweetcherry 12oz Senior Member

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    sweetcherry - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    uncle jess rocks my socks!
     
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  11. Ski Mask

    Ski Mask 12oz Loyalist

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    Ski Mask - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    http://www.thedukesofhazzard.net/img/jesse01.jpg'>

    sheppard to lost sheep
    lost sheep here, over.
    you boys keep yer eyes peeled for some long haired fella riding a motercycle. crazy cooter sez he came round the garage looking for daisy. sez he was callin himself uncle jesse.
    *-CUE BANJOS-*
    in a cloud of dust the general lee speeds down a dirt road after the imposter jesee, forcing him to launch off the ramp and into the "hazard carwash"
    * cut to tight shot of fake jesse spitting out water with his greasy hair soaking wet and flattened*
     
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  12. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle 12oz Veteran Member

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    Dr. Dazzle - Replied Aug 7, 2003

    Hahahahaha......
     
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  13. ares

    ares 12oz Member

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    ares - Replied Aug 8, 2003

    :lol:
    The civil war one, and the declaration of independence got me laughing. Great post.
     
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  14. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

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    MrChupacabra - Replied Aug 8, 2003

    hahaha, fucking bump. I'd Chupapprove it, but i'm far too lazy right now to go find that picture.
     
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  15. JUDONO?

    JUDONO? 12oz Senior Member

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    JUDONO? - Replied Aug 8, 2003

    I would hit Rebecca Romin Stamos too shit!!!!
     
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