Ways Not to Die

Over dinner with a few heads recently the topic of how you do NOT want to die came up. One person answered, then I jumped in with such relish that everyone changed their mind and didn't want to hear my input. I was like "This is one of those diabolical Chinese things" and suddenly they were all saying "I don't want to hear it."

Anyway, they take you to this river right near the ocean, which rises and falls with the tides. They tie you to poles in the river so that you're maybe up to your waist at high tide. They cut a small slit in your belly, fish out a loop of intestine, and staple it to a large cork. As the tide goes out, the cork drifts out to sea, slowly unpacking your intestines. If you're lucky (and you're obviously not at this point) something large and carnivorous will be attracted to the smell of blood and feces.

Anyway, that's not how I want to go.

damn cracked! that's pretty ill. death is a wierd thing for me to discuss, but i think an airplane is somehow gonna kill me one day.

i don't think i'd like to slide naked, on my ass, down a huge razorblade.

thats fucking horrible.

Another form of Chinese torture.. They would tie you down to the ground really tight and plant bamboo shoots underneith you, bamboo grows pointy, and can grow through almost anything (including human flesh) so they would make you eat and drink and keep you alive and healthy and the bamboo would eventually just grow right through you and puncture your insides until you bled to death or your liver leaked poisen through your body. I wouldn't like to die like that.

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PRUDE - If I had nuts, you'd be on 'em.

Thsi is actually something I think about a lot....I have many, many more ways not to die, but I don't have the patience to record them for you guys.

When I was younger (this probably led to my being the way I am) I went to this medival festival, and they had a "House of Torture". In this place they had dozens of Dark Age torture devices....one of them wass called something to the effect of "riding the bull"...it was a seat that had foot rests (which held your legs apart) sitiing on top of a steeply sloped set of rails. At the bottom of the little "hill", there was a very large, rather dull blade. So, when you slid down, it would split you from your groin all the way up to your xiphoid (the bottom point of your ribcage)...That is definitely not a way I'd like to go out.....

There was another that involved your being placed in a large steel coffin. The lid weighed over a ton, and was held over you by a large vice. The weight of the lid would SLOWLY pull it farther and farther down on you, until you have been crushed to death. The process took around three days.

In yet another display, the unfortunate individual is tied down to a table, and a open-bottomed cage full of rats is placed on his/her bare belly. Hot coals are then placed on top of the cage, from which the rats seek shelter by burrowing into the stomach of the captive.

I was just about to come in with a rat one but Jesus there just beat me to it. One I was always rather freaked about was the one in nineteen eighty-four, when O'brien put that steel cage on Winston's face with the rats in it . eugh! it gave me shivers for days. But I must say Cracked, that's some incredibly sick shit. Where the hell did you ever hear about something like that? Damn!

Cracked, youre one sick puppy. This topic reminds me of the Gravediggaz cut "SUICIDE". Cracked, you might like that album. Heres a sample:

Six fucking devils stepped up playing brave God

Had the fucking nerve to try and enta my grave yard

I'm the Ryzarector, be my sacrafice

Commit suicide and I'll bring you back to life

The first was convinced

Stuck a water hose in his mouth at full blast so his head can explode

Second said hmmmm that's good but I can top it

Put an ax up to his head and then he chopped it

Blood shot out in every direction

The rest didn't know what to do, I made suggestions

Put a slug in your mug, overdose on a drug

Wet your hair stick a knife in the plug

Or be like Richard Pryor set your balls on fire

Better yet go hang yourself with a barbed wire

Three and Four fell deep into spell and

Ran to the zoo, locked themselves in a lion's den

Number Five said it ain't worth being alive

Smoked a dust joint, mixed it with cynaide

The only one to escape was number Six

He went home

Sat in the tub and slit his wrists

Yeah, more graves to dig. Goodbye

There's no need to cry...

... cause we all die

…and I thought drowning was the worst way to die. sheesh. Anyone know any other good ones.

i hate the thought of being buried alive just me i guess

drowning....man i just couldnt handle that...

weird childhood experience with water i guess.

I do not want to die in a car crash. I don't want to drown or have a heart attack (or if I do die of a heart attack, I want to go out the way Big Pun did - die of a heart attack while recieving head.0

im thinking maybe falling in to a deep fryer would be pretty fucked.

burning alive in a twisted car wreck...i've seen it and it looked horrible....

drowning as well....or any death that takes longer than a second....

i saw this thing in a torture museum once where they put you, more like cram you in the barrel with spikes sticking inside it, seal it up and roll you down a steep rocky incline, if the spikes dont kill you the fall will. so yea, none of that.

Any slow death would suck.

Theres a Chinese tourture method where they jam a hollow glass tube into your dickhole and leave you with this naked chick and when you get a boner your urethra tightens and breaks the glass tube.That would suck.

umm its not that nasty,but being chopped up and put into the toilet in the mall,has to be up here i mean the mall,man that would suck

i teacher was telling us this story about this asian gang getting back at this cop. they brake into his house and somehow, i cant remember, duct taped a rat in his wifes pussy. and the only way it could get out was to eat its way out. but to get back on topic, i wouldnt want to die a very slow death. even an illness that took forever like aids or dying of 3rd degree burns would be a shitty way to go out too.

you know cracked, you have that remarkable ability to come out of the cut with some just outlandish shit that scares just about everyone that reads it. then you continue ho-humming along. it's fascinating really. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//smile.gif'>

being beaten to death by the flappers of penguins. most horrible way to die possible.

i would hate to die a chicken. i mean, like how they're put in cages that are a bit smaller than their bodies, stacked up upon rows and rows, and they're given fuct up chemicals to produce eggs faster, and their claws - er whatever- are ripped off, and their beaks are ripped off to prevent them from pecking themselves to death. so they lay shitloads of eggs due to injections, they live without their limbs and mouth, and they die after about a month, meanwhile their little baby chickies are grown up like them ,and put into the exact same situation. sick fucken cycle.

mmmmmmmm, eggs- grade 'A' goodness.

I'd rather not say...but I sure wouldn't want my oompa loompa's turning on me...

-you might die of your worst fears-

being drawn and quartered would pretty much suck...

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2 Can Sam

i think the worst way to die would be someone tying you down and taking out all your bones like your leg bones arms bones and slowly i mean.... keeping your ass alive the whole time... then just spooning out your insides like with a dull rusty spoon

You guys are very unimaginative.

Originally posted by onesandzeros:

being beaten to death by the flappers of penguins. most horrible way to die possible.

hahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahhaha that'd suck.

i think anything to do with my intestines getting pulled out while im alive would take the cake.

getting analy raped by some very 'blessed' man while the girl i love is telling me how much she despises me and someone poking me repeatedly, all over my body, with a hook type needle that rips just a little flesh everytime it comes back out and all the while getting your eyes flushed out with battery acid. yeah.. having all that shit happen at once would not be nice.

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yes.. yes i am.

and did anyone else see the cell?

anything involving a flesh eating virus is pretty much on my "don't do" list

Originally posted by cracked ass:

Over dinner with a few heads recently the topic of how you do NOT want to die came up. One person answered, then I jumped in with such relish that everyone changed their mind and didn't want to hear my input. I was like "This is one of those diabolical Chinese things" and suddenly they were all saying "I don't want to hear it."

Anyway, they take you to this river right near the ocean, which rises and falls with the tides. They tie you to poles in the river so that you're maybe up to your waist at high tide. They cut a small slit in your belly, fish out a loop of intestine, and staple it to a large cork. As the tide goes out, the cork drifts out to sea, slowly unpacking your intestines. If you're lucky (and you're obviously not at this point) something large and carnivorous will be attracted to the smell of blood and feces.

 

Anyway, that's not how I want to go.

you sure you wouldn't bleed to death before that happened?

cracked, your one weird hippydude...