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**Virus Warning**

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by --zeSto--, Nov 1, 2001.

  1. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest


    If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY.
    Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
    The following are damages recorded so far from the virus:

    a.. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive,
    but it will also delete anything on disks within
    20 feet of your computer.
    a.. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
    a.. It reprograms your ATM access code, Screws up the
    tracking on your VCR and uses subspace harmonics
    to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
    a.. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 900 numbers.
    a.. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
    a.. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??
    a.. It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table
    when you are expecting company.
    a.. It will replace your shampoo with Nair
    and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current
    boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
    their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
    a.. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way
    that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
    a.. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active
    verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
    misspellings which grossly change interpretations of
    key sentences.
    a.. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98
    environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave
    your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
    It will not only remove the forbidden tags from mattresses
    and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

    ******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN **********
  2. seeking

    seeking Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 25, 2000 Messages: 32,277 Likes Received: 235
    oh jesus christ... i wondered how long it would take someone to post this piece of humorless humor...
  3. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    you dont think it's funny?

    I'm sure there's AOL users running for the hills right about now.
    now THAT'S funny!
  4. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    you know whats really funny? those pop up windows that you cant close without going into task manager....the ones that say "whores taking goats in all three holes" really really big....it funny to think how many computer illiterate dads got busted by one of those....yeah, those are a lot funnier than email forwards....
  5. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    no doubt boogie...

    the best one though...
    are the pop-up-goat-sucker-windows
    that change your home page.
    So Mom and little sis need to get help for a school project,
    and instead of opening msn.com it opens japscat.com

    I can picture some suburban Dad ripping the power cable out of the wall
    because he doesn't know how to close the windows. har de har har
  6. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 41
    hahahahahhaha im thank ing god ive never had one of those goat sex pop ups
  7. Ammo

    Ammo Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2001 Messages: 1,146 Likes Received: 0
    dude, sorry zesto, but my dad told told me that joke about 2 years ago.