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u.s.a. new weapon in the war on terrorism.....vodoo

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by kodak, Sep 6, 2002.

  1. kodak

    kodak Member

    Joined: Feb 17, 2002 Messages: 491 Likes Received: 0
    America is using an unorthodox new weapon to pin down fugitive terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden: Voodoo!

    The CIA has reportedly recruited two dozen Haitian immigrants who are now employing voodoo dolls and spells to strike at the elusive Al Qaeda mastermind and his top henchmen.

    "Osama can run, but he can't hide," a reliable CIA source told Weekly World News. "Voodoo can get him in the deepest cave or the most remote mountain hideout anywhere in the world."

    There's nothing new about the U.S. intelligence community resorting to the paranormal to battle America’s enemies. During the Cold War, the CIA hired psychics adept at remote-viewing to spy on the Kremlin, while the KGB used the same eerie technique to peek in on the Oval Office.

    But experts believe this is the first time the United States government has dabbled in Voodoo.

    "It's an experiment,” the source revealed. "While he hasn't talked about it much publicly, President Bush is very, very frustrated at our military’s inability to take out Osama by conventional means. He personally gave this project the green light."

    The 24 unidentified voodoo practitioners are all Haitian boat people who came ashore in the Miami area illegally and spent years behind the barbed wire fence of a South Florida detention camp.

    “They were promised that if they participate in the secret project, they’ll be given. U.S. citizenship," said the source. “They jumped at the opportunity to prove their patriotism."

    Marines scouring caves in Afghanistan have recovered the personal effects of Al Qaeda leaders, including turbans, facial hairs and toenail clippings, that will be invaluable to the 14 voodoo priests and 10 priestesses.

    "The voodoo masters incorporate these personal items into dolls made in the likeness of the intended victim and perform some creepy rituals we don’t really understand," explains the source. "Then they shove pins into the dolls -- and, if everything goes according to plan, the target is history.

    Some hard-headed Pentagon bigwigs expressed skepticism about the scheme. But spy-agency officials convinced the President that whether or not voodoo really works, the project can serve as an effective form of psychological warfare -- and is a great way to “stick it” to the terrorists.

    "Osama and his Al Qaeda pals are the most superstitious pack of clowns on the planet," the CIA source explained. "Knowing that an unseen supernatural force is out to kill them has got to rattle the heck out of them.

    "It's our way to turn the tables and terrorize the terrorists.”

    Indeed, Bin Laden family insiders confirm that voodoo rumors -- promulgated by the U.S. -- have Al Qaeda leaders on pins and needles.

    "They say Osama is so jittery nowadays, when a mosquito bit his neck he shrieked like a little girl," said the CIA source. "He thought he was feeling a voodoo pin!"
     
  2. JIGSAW

    JIGSAW Guest

  3. the shitz

    the shitz New Jack

    Joined: Apr 2, 2002 Messages: 64 Likes Received: 0
    i want the doll but i dont think the stories quite right
     
  4. That says it all right there...
     
  5. KING BLING

    KING BLING Guest

  6. footsoldier

    footsoldier Senior Member

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 1,885 Likes Received: 2
    i have friends who attempted to capture osama by naming a 3ft bong after him and smoking out of it...osama bongladen. from what i understand it didnt work but they all felt better about the situation afterwards.
     
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