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Two Cow Philosophy

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Nov 20, 2001.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows.
    You keep one and give one to your neighbor

    A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government
    takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor
    has none. So what?

    A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people
    into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one
    to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted
    for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give
    it to your neighbor. You feel righteous

    A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
    both and provides you with milk.

    A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
    both and sells you the milk. You join the underground
    and start a campaign of sabotage.

    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
    government taxes you to the point you have to sell
    both to support a man in a foreign country who has
    only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You
    sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.
    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
    other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down
    the drain.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell
    one, and force the other to produce the milk of four
    cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are eleventh the size of
    an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk

    A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
    You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
    eat once a month and milk themselves.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but
    you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

    A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count
    them and learn you have five cows. You count them again
    and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
    learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
    another bottle of vodka.

    A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows,
    but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.

    A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of
    which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

    A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter
    into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon
    you have 1000 cows and the American corporation
    declares bankruptcy.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have only two cows.
    You load them up with explosives and herd them onto
    your neighbor's property where you blow them up.
    Your neighbor dies. You starve to death.
  2. alkaline

    alkaline Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2001 Messages: 3,097 Likes Received: 0
    I wish I had a cow. That's really funny.
    You have two cows, you feed'em shit in order to produce more milk etc.
    You invent 'the mad cow disease' but you dont know yet.
    You eat the cow, you're sick to.


    No, i'm not vegetarian
  4. dr. frink one

    dr. frink one Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 7, 2001 Messages: 3,638 Likes Received: 1
    hahahah so funny
    good shit.
  5. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Oct 5, 2000 Messages: 3,572 Likes Received: 19

    speak of the devil..

    I somehow found my self in the middle of a Fascist demonstration on Saturday...fucked up
    Funny thing was I had been showing a friend of my dad's around town all like

    "To your left is the Colloseum, and here's the arch of Contstantine 315 B.C. that bar is really great, there is the metro station, oh heres the man that checks if you have a ticket..we dont have one so we're going to go now... blah blah blah blah blah"

    Then we get up the hill "and this is..HOLY SHIT a fascist riot!!! wheres my camera!????"

    It was fucking scary.

    Damn fascists....

  6. Pistol

    Pistol Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 12, 2001 Messages: 19,364 Likes Received: 299
    Got halfway through. Liked the American style ones and the Taliban one. HA
  7. graffitiSUX

    graffitiSUX Senior Member

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 1,659 Likes Received: 0
    an australian organisation: you have 2 cows. you're too busy surfing to worry about the cows. strangely though there is always plenty of milk and your cows become olympic swimmers.