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Today, February 2nd...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by trackstand, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. trackstand

    trackstand Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 21, 2004 Messages: 2,262 Likes Received: 3
    LILBURN, Ga. (AP) -- The groundhog known as Gen. Beauregard Lee rolled out of his bed Wednesday morning, emerged before a crowd of about 100 people waiting in the rain and predicted an early spring.

    Not only did Beau not see his shadow, he also brought a surprise: His new girlfriend.

    The mystery lady, who will remain nameless until a contest bestows her with a moniker, has been dating Beau off and on during the past six weeks

    Game ranchers hope the couple will produce a successor for Lee, who may soon be hanging up his weather vane.

    Old age could force the critter into retirement before the next Groundhog Day rolls around, said Art Rilling, founder of Yellow River Game Ranch where Beau lives.

    "He's getting a little slower, sleeping in a little later, getting a little fatter," Rilling said. "This could be his last Groundhog Day."

    At 15, Beau has already lived the life of at least five groundhogs, which only have a life expectancy of two to three years. His predecessor and uncle, Gen. Robert E. Lee, gave the Groundhog Day predictions for 10 years before he retired.

    "When you get fed every day and have shelter, you can last a long time," Rilling said. "He's got an easy life. He's only expected to do something once a year."

    If he leaves, Beau would take his near perfect accuracy rate. His prognosticating prowess has earned him honorary doctorate degrees from the University of Georgia and Georgia State University.

    He was wrong in 1993, when Beau called for an early spring and the worst blizzard in decades blasted the South.

    Handlers at the ranch decided this year to give Beau a home worthy of his stature. On Tuesday, he was moved into a three-story mansion built on his property, appropriately called Weathering Heights.

    To lure him out of his new palace Wednesday, ranch handlers plied Beau with hash browns and fresh fruit as onlookers cheer, "Go, Beau!"

    In 2004, Beau was introduced to the low-carb diet when handlers laid out Atkins-approved chicken and cheesy eggs at sunrise to draw the groundhog from his home. He had grown so pudgy the door to his shed had been widened. But Beau ignored that breakfast, choosing instead to chew on the door of his house.

    Early spring... Thank fucking god.
     
  2. Overtime

    Overtime Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 22, 2003 Messages: 13,986 Likes Received: 311
    and some people are suspended..
     
  3. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    haha.... he said 'fuck atkins' and ate his front door.
     
  4. Overtime

    Overtime Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 22, 2003 Messages: 13,986 Likes Received: 311
    hahahah, i'd eat my front door instead of atkins shit..
     
  5. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
  6. PaperbackWriter

    PaperbackWriter Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 13, 2001 Messages: 1,618 Likes Received: 0
    wasnt the groundhog named Punxatawny Phil, or was that just in the movie w/ Bill Murray?
     
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