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to wish DEATH upon yourself

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by willy.wonka, Feb 19, 2003.

  1. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    you ever just want to die?cause i do.i felt this way before and was granted passage to the afterlife, but i chickened out and wanted to live.the docs cured me and i live only to want to die anther day.
    today and yesterday.

    even though i see some signs of life still wanting me around.its not enought to make me want to live."something is wrong with me.", i always say.my mom doenst believe it.i have no father to look to for answers, cause he's dead.

    maybe love will save the day and give me reason for wanting to live, but my heart was broken just last month and now i feel hopeless.

    i want to fix airplanes for lots of money, but i have no money to go to school for it.i dont think i would pass the class anyways.if i could do that, i would be happy again.i would be able to paint what i want cause i dont like stealing.its bad for the soul, but kinda fun.

    i have been really sad for around 2 years now.i break out crying for no reason, just thinking of sad shit.thinking of dying actually brings a little bit of happiness to me, but still makes me sad.

    i think its cause this world is too fucked up.so much negative stuff around to see much of the positive.i used to be positive, now im just a over-raged stressed out guy thats about to snap.wanting to kill or beat the shit out of people and things.i recently murdered a fish and i dont really do stuff like that.i am definately changing.

    why wont anything work out for me?
    i wish i would just...................................maybe this time God will make it swift.last time i had options.i prayed for death to come knocking on my door and my prayers were answered.i almost did die.i thought it was pretty cool that God really answered me in that way, but he showed me that i wanted to live.

    im not down with suicide, but im down for dying.
  2. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    shoulda known this wasnt gonna turn into a SUPER THREAD
  3. John Gotti

    John Gotti New Jack

    Joined: Dec 10, 2002 Messages: 25 Likes Received: 0
  4. Ken E. Bus

    Ken E. Bus Member

    Joined: May 7, 2002 Messages: 311 Likes Received: 0
    Well if everyone else is like me they are not quite sure what to say.

    I actually started trying to come up with something but it sounded stupid so I erased it. Hang in there buddy.
  5. FifTy CaL.

    FifTy CaL. Junior Member

    Joined: Feb 18, 2003 Messages: 150 Likes Received: 0
    "take a look at the beautiful shit around you....difference between the dead and the us are that the living still have another day to look for"

    "so many people striving to live fighting literally for there lives and so many people want to take there own lives"
  6. John Gotti

    John Gotti New Jack

    Joined: Dec 10, 2002 Messages: 25 Likes Received: 0
    you have to come to the realization that life is most likely not going to get any better.........then, and then only will you understand that everything that happens good in your life is really a gift............me personally.........im trying to come to that realization, but it is harder than it sounds........and if life doesn't get any better and nothing good happens to you, remeber.....you still have graffiti

    KING BLING Guest

    "I am the only being whose doom..."
    by Emily Jane Brontë

    I am the only being whose doom
    No tongue would ask no eye would mourn
    I never caused a thought of gloom
    A smile of joy since I was born

    In secret pleasure - secret tears
    This changeful life has slipped away
    As friendless after eighteen years
    As lone as on my natal day

    There have been times I cannot hide
    There have been times when this was drear
    When my sad soul forgot its pride
    And longed for one to love me here

    But those were in the early glow
    Of feelings since subdued by care
    And they have died so long ago
    I hardly now believe they were

    First melted off the hope of youth
    Then Fancy's rainbow fast withdrew
    And then experience told me truth
    In mortal bosoms never grew

    'Twas grief enough to think mankind
    All hollow servile insincere -
    But worse to trust to my own mind
    And find the same corruption there

    I felt a funeral in my brain,
    by Emily Dickinson

    I felt a funeral in my brain,
    And mourners, to and fro,
    Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
    That sense was breaking through.

    And when they all were seated,
    A service like a drum
    Kept beating, beating, till I thought
    My mind was going numb

    And then I heard them lift a box,
    And creak across my soul
    With those same boots of lead, again.
    Then space began to toll

    As all the heavens were a bell,
    And being, but an ear,
    And I and Silence some strange Race
    Wrecked, solitary, here.

    by Rudyard Kipling

    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too:
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
    Or being hated don't give way to hating,
    And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

    If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same:.
    If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
    And never breathe a word about your loss:
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much:
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
    Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
    And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son
  8. ArtvandaL

    ArtvandaL Guest

    The future is all you have to live for.

    damn wonka, that sounds shitty, and i dont usually do this kind of stuff, especially not for someone i dont even know, but here it goes.

    Life, is a gift.

    read that again and again, passivley. think about it, honestly. Your right, theres allot of bullshit in this world, but hey, doesnt every gift have a shitty side to it? dont expect everything to be lovely, in fact, expect the worse, then youll be a little pleased that the worst isnt happening. I bet you keep thinking of something that keeps pissing you off everytime you thik about it, if thats the case, then be like a little kid inside and give the shitty things a thumbs down, and the good things a thumbs up. There might not be many good things during this slump your going through, but try to see them, look at th sky, i know, its gay, but go ahead, look up and say to yourself, thats beutifull, Im glad Im here to see it. From there, you begin your journey of appreciating life, for its bad and for its good.Dont stare at women, dont check them out, shave, dont talk too much, listen to those that are talking to you, those that arent talking to you, but are talking so loud that you can hear them, just br a kid and give them a thumbs down in your head. Be your own guy, dont look to a friend and respond to something as he would, respond to something as you would. It helps to not make fun of anyone for any, no matter how good the reason is, cause this just leads you to think that you think too much of other people. You got money, about 250 dollars? gpo by some cloth that you would like, hey, its money gone, but its your life saved, life is longer than youd think, so look forward to the future experiences you cant even imagine right now.

    maybe your just bored. sorry about your father, but think of it like this, he didnt kill himself, in fact, he brought you into this world and probably didnt want to die yet just cause of you. THe future is all you have. The past is in your heart, keep it there for the future.

    quit doing drugs that alter your mind, like weed and alcohol, youll probably go in an even worse slump for about a day or two, but after that you wont be looking at things from day to day, its gonna be from week to week, month to month, shit, if you get real passioniate towards life, its gonna be from year to year. salamualaikum (may peace be upon you)
  9. ArtvandaL

    ArtvandaL Guest

    the dude is speaking

    about the money part, use your money, just dont act like a millionare, act more like a guy that isnt tight on cash. Its hard, but its worth a try.
  10. uncle-boy

    uncle-boy Guest

    dammit. i just typed out a huge thing then deleted it too.

    JOB. 10

    "Why then, did you bring me out of my mothers womb? Why didn't you let me die at birth? Then i would have been spared this miserable existance. i would have gone directly from the womb to the grave. i have only a little time left, so leave me alone--that i may have a little moment of comfort before i leave for the land of darkness and utter gloom, never to return. it is a land as dark as midnight, a land of utter gloom where confusion reighns and the ligt is as dark as midnight."
    (job talking to god.)

    stuff gets shitty in life, read job. if you want something spiritual to think about.
  11. KaBar

    KaBar Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 9, 2001 Messages: 1,397 Likes Received: 28
    Dude, you're DEPRESSED STILL

    It is not normal to want to die, to feel helpless or hopeless. If you are feeling shit like this, I think you're still depressed. Go back to your doctor, tell him how you feel and get on some anti-depressants. If you've been taking them, and you STILL feel depressed then a.) the dose is too low, b.) yopu aren't taking them like you're supposed to, or c.) that medication isn't the right one.

    And then, go ride freight trains for a week or two and yoiu'll feel a lot better. At least, I would feel a lot better, anyway.
  12. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    don't focus on the negative stuff.
    I read someplace that the mind is an individuals worst enemy. A friend gave me a solution for fighting this. Never think anything to your self that you wouldn't say to a friend.
  13. kido

    kido Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 16, 2002 Messages: 1,463 Likes Received: 0
    You don't want to die.

    Think of all the peope that you have met in your life.

    Ok now think about how they would feel if you died.
  14. drug

    drug New Jack

    Joined: Sep 19, 2002 Messages: 86 Likes Received: 0
    Apart what artvandal has said......i wanna add one thing.
    you believe in life after death? i certainly don't. but i do believe in it at the same time, in my own way. in the way i suppose you too believe in it.
    the only way to keep living after death is through other people. that's right, in their memories, and NO WHERE ELSE. and we writers are lucky as hell that we have a gift, the gift to be seen forever, or almost.
    we don't know when death is gonna take us and asking ourselves when this is gonna happen makes no sense at all. so just don't think about it, it will come by itself, like love, like the weather and a thousand things yuo really can't control.
    (well, of course, unless you kill yourself or something.)
    what i am getting to is: YOU ARE ALIVE, GODDAMIT! and as long as you are, from my point of view, all you have to do is live. live for the present, AND live for your life after your death. which, if you think about it, is exactly the same life.
    so don't stop doing, nourishing your mind, experiencing things, knowing people, loving life, because this is the only chance we've got brother. if you have enough to eat, it's enough, you'll know it, we are so damn lucky to be alive.
  15. toyeattoywar

    toyeattoywar Member

    Joined: Jul 3, 2002 Messages: 829 Likes Received: 1
    damn willy. everythings going to be okay man, just let it be. if god has answered you death request life. sit down with god some night and have a heart to heart ya know, release all your fears that are holding you down and then communicate all that you love in life and possibly appreciate. then make your requests buddy, if gods answered you death im sure quite a bit of some other stuff can be answered to.