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this one's for zesto

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by beardo, Feb 11, 2002.

  1. beardo

    beardo Guest

    ya hippie!


    www.satirewire.com

    CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT...
    CANADA HAS A WARSHIP?
    Oh Right, and Switzerland Has Nuclear Weapons

    Arabian Sea (SatireWire.com) — Canadian television reported Friday that a Canadian warship in the Arabian Sea had seized a tanker suspected of smuggling oil from Iraq, leading many to suspect that the report was a hoax.


    The Halifax Class frigate Vancouver.
    Honest.
    "You're kidding, right? Canada has a warship?" asked U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. "Like for war?

    "Does Canada know?" he added.

    "Nobody was more stunned than we were," said Kali Omari, first mate of the seized vessel. "We saw this frigate steaming toward us, and we were worried, but then we saw the maple leaf on the flag, and we thought, 'Oh, Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"

    When an officer of the HMCS Vancouver announced that the tanker was about to be boarded, the crew of the detained ship was confused, said Omari, but their confusion quickly turned to anger when they saw what the Canadians sailors were carrying.

    "They were armed. With guns," said Omari. "Canadians. With guns. And a warship. What is this world coming to?"

    "They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship."

    According to Canadian defense officials, the Vancouver is one of four frigates deployed in the region to assist in the U.S.-led Afghanistan conflict. The tanker was stopped, officials said, because its cargo of crude oil violated United Nations sanctions, which prohibit Iraq from selling oil unless in exchange for food and medicine.

    The U.N. said the incident is already under investigation, and promised swift action against those found responsible for giving the Canadians guns. Initial findings indicate that the Vancouver crew may have been watching too many American television shows.

    RECOMMEND
    THIS PAGE
    Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.
     
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct 1995.

    Radio conversation released by chief of naval operations 10/10/95.

    Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

    Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.

    Canadians: Negative. you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

    Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

    Canadians: No. I say again, divert your course.

    Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

    Canadians: We are a lighthouse. your call.
     
  3. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    we may not have a warship... but we sure got a well defended lighthouse!
     
  4. BROWNer

    BROWNer Guest

  5. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 40
    hahahah oh god thats great. canadians with guns? hahaha oh man you have no idea how much that made me laugh. i cant believe you didnt even think of me beardo.
     
  6. beardo

    beardo Guest

    i had to take a shot at zesto for the 'fuckin hippies' thing. trust me, i was thinking of all you canadians.. ;)
     
  7. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 40
    hahaha i figured as much
     
  8. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    thats halarious...reminds me of The Onion
     
  9. bigpoppa.k

    bigpoppa.k Elite Member

    Joined: May 2, 2001 Messages: 3,150 Likes Received: 17
    hahaha... thats some pretty good satire there..

    the funny thing is, is that we do have frigates. 10 of them to be exact, each one named for a capital city in each province.

    "They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship." ... thats funny shit.. canadians rude??? yeah right... hahaha.
     
  10. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 40
    yeah i was laughing at the whole rudeness thing. god i dont know why we come off as such nice people, i mean im just normally like this. i guess its not standard practice around the world.
     
  11. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    'Oh, Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"

    We dont get no respect!
     
  12. bigpoppa.k

    bigpoppa.k Elite Member

    Joined: May 2, 2001 Messages: 3,150 Likes Received: 17
    with our sweet smiles, politeness and our frigates, we'll take you down muthafucka!!
     
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