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this is why i thoroughly enjoy the simpsons....

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by LadyKrink, Oct 5, 2002.

  1. LadyKrink

    LadyKrink New Jack

    Joined: Mar 25, 2002 Messages: 41 Likes Received: 0
    im really bored so i got all this stuff from different Simpsons websites.
    i'll start with bart who is probably my favorite character...


    Chalkboard Gags

    Season 1
    I will not waste chalk
    I will not skateboard in the halls
    I will not burp in class
    I will not instaigate revolution
    I will not draw naked ladies in class
    I did not see Elvis
    I will not call my teacher "hot cakes"
    Garlic gum is not funny
    They are laughing at me, not with me
    I will not yell "fire!" in a crowded classroom

    Season 2
    I will not encourage others to fly
    Tar is not a plaything
    I will not Xerox my butt
    I will not trade pants with others
    I am not a 32-year-old woman
    I will not do that thing with my tongue
    I will not drive the principal's car
    I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
    I will not sell school property
    I will not cut corners I will not get very far with this attitude
    I will not make flatulent noises in class
    I will not belch the National Anthem
    I will not sell land in Florida
    I will not hide behind the 5th Amendment
    I will not do anything bad ever again
    I will not show off
    I will not sleep through my education

    Season 3
    7F24 - I am not a dentist
    8F01 - Spitwads are not free speech
    7F23 - Nobody likes sunburn slappers
    8F03 - High explosives and school don't mix
    8F04 - I will not squeak chalk
    8F05 - I will finish what I sta
    8F06 - "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
    8F08 - Underwear should be worn on the inside
    8F09 - The Christmas pageant does not stink
    8F10 - I will not torment the emotionally frail
    8F11 - I will not carve gods
    8F14 - I will not spank others
    8F13 - I will not aim for the head
    8F15 - I will not barf unless I'm sick
    8F17 - I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
    8F19 - I will not conduct my own fire drills
    8F20 - Funny noises are not funny
    8F21 - I will not spin the turtle
    8F22 - I will not snap bras
    8F23 - I will not fake seizures

    Season 4
    8F24 - This punishment is not boring and pointless
    8F18 - My name is not Dr. Death
    9F01 - I will not defame New Orleans
    9F03 - I will not bury the new kid
    9F05 - I will not teach others to fly
    9F06 - I will not bring sheep to class
    9F07 - A burp is not an answer
    9F08 - Teacher is not a leper
    9F09 - Coffee is not a drink for kids
    9F10 - I will not eat things for money
    9F11 - I will not yell "she's dead" during roll call
    9F12 - The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
    9F13 - I will not call the principal "spud head"
    9F14 - Goldfish don't bounce
    9F15 - Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
    9F17 - No one is interested in my underpants
    9F16 - I will not sell miracle cures
    9F18 - I will return the seeing eye dog
    9F19 - I will not charge admission to the bathroom

    Season 5
    9F21 - I will never win an Emmy
    9F22 - The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
    1F07 - All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
    1F08 - I will not say Springfield just to get applause
    1F09 - I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
    1F11 - My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
    1F10 - I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
    1F14 - I am not delightfully saucy
    1F15 - Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
    1F16 - The pledge of allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan!"
    1F18 - I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
    1F19 - There are plenty of businesses like show business
    1F21 - I will not retransmit without the express written permission of Major League Baseball
    1F20 - 5 days is too long to wait for a gun

    Season 6
    1F22 - Beans are neither fruit nor musical
    2F33 - I will not use abbrev.
    2F01 - I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
    2F04 - I will not send lard through the mail
    2F05 - I will not dissect things unless instructed
    2F06 - I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
    2F08 - Ralph won't morph if you squeeze him hard enough
    2F09 - Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal
    2F10 - Bagman is not a legitimate career choice
    2F11 - Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
    2F12 - Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
    2F13 - I will not hang donuts on my person
    2F14 - I will remember to take my medication
    2F15 - I will not strut around like I own the place
    2F18 - The good humor man can only be pushed so far
    2F19 - I do not have power of attorney over first graders
    2F32 - Nerve gas is not a toy
    2F21 - I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
    2F22 - The First Amendment does not cover burping
    2F16 - This is not a clue … or is it?

    Season 7
    2F20 - I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
    2F17 - "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
    3F02 - I am not a lean mean spitting machine
    3F01 - No one wants to hear from my armpits
    3F03 - The boys room is not a waterpark
    3F05 - Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
    3F08 - Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
    3F07 - I will stop talking about the twelve-inch pianist
    3F10 - I am not certified to remove asbestos

    Season 8
    3F23 - I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
    3G01 - The truth is not out there
    4F08 - I am not licensed to do anything
    3G03 - I will not hide the teacher's prozac
    4F16 - A fire drill does not demand a fire

    Season 9
    3G02 - I no longer want my MTV
    5F01 - Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
    5F03 - I did not invent Irish dancing
    5F05 - I will not tease Fatty
    5F06 - There was no Roman God named "Fartacus"
    5F07 - Rudolph's red-nose was not alcohol-related
    5F23 - Shooting paintballs is not an art form
    5F10 - Pain is not the cleanser
    5F12 - Silly string is not a nasal spray
    5F13 - I was not told to do this
    3G04 - My butt does not deserve its own web site
    5F14 - I will not demand what I'm worth
    5F17 - I am not the new Dalai Lama
    5F18 - I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"

    Season 10
    5F21 - I will not file frivolous lawsuits
    5F19 - Butt.Butt is not my E-mail address
    AABF02 - No one cares what my definition of "is" is
    AABF03 - I will not scream for ice cream
    AABF04 - I am not a licensed hairstylist
    AABF05 - "The president did it" is not an excuse
    AABF06 - My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
    AABF07 - Sherri does not "got back"
    AABF08 - I will not do the dirty bird
    AABF09 - No one wants to hear about my sciatica
    AABF11 - Hillbillies are people too
    AABF10 - Grammar is not a time of waste
    AABF12 - I do not have diplomatic immunity
    AABF13 - It does not suck to be you
    AABF14 - I cannot absolve sins
    AABF15 - A trained ape could not teach gym
    AABF16 - Loose teeth don't need my help
    AABF17 - I have neither been there nor done that
    AABF18 - No one wants to hear from my armpits
    AABF20 - I'm so very tired

    Season 11
    AABF23 - Fridays are not "pants optional"
    AABF22 - Pork is not a verb
    AABF21 - I am not the last Don
    AABF19 - I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
    BABF02 - I won't not use no double negatives
    BABF03 - Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
    BABF05 - I can't see dead people
    BABF07 - I will not sell my kidney on eBay
    BABF04 - I will not create art from dung
    BABF06 - I will stop phoning it in
    BABF08 - Class clown is not a paid position
    BABF09 - Substitute teachers are not scabs
    BABF10 - My suspension was not "mutual"
    BABF11 - A belch is not an oral report
    BABF12 - Dodgeball stops at the gum door
    BABF13 - "Non-flammable" is not a challenge
    BABF14 - I was not touched "there" by an angel
    BABF16 - I am not here on a fartball scholarshop
    BABF15 - I will not dance on anyone's grave
    BABF18 - I cannot hire a subsitute student
    BABF19 - I will not obey the voices in my head

    Season 12
    BABF20 - I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs
    BABF17 - I will not surprise the incontinent
    CABF01 - I am not the acting President
    CABF04 - I was not the sixth Beatle
    CABF02 - I will only provide a urine sample when asked
    CABF03 - The nurse is not dealing
    CABF06 - Science class should not end in tragedy
    BABF22 - Network TV is not dead
    CABF05 - I will not "let the dogs out"
    CABF08 - I will not hide the teacher's medication
    CABF07 - I will not publish the Principal's credit report
    CABF10 - The hamster did not have "a full life"
    CABF12 - I will not buy a Presidential pardon
    CABF09 - "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
    CABF11 - I will not scare the Vice President
    CABF13 - I will not flush evidence
    CABF14 - Fire is not the cleanser
    CABF15 - Genetics is not an excuse
    CABF16 - Today is not Mothra's day
    CABF17 - I should not be twenty-one by now





    Homer’s List of Things to Do Before Dying

    1. Make a list [crossed out]
    2. Eat a hearty breakfast
    3. Make videotape for Maggie
    4. Have man-to-man with Bart
    5. Listen to Lisa play her sax
    6. Make funeral arrangement
    7. Make peace with Dad
    8. Beer with the boys at the bar
    9. Tell off the boss
    10. Go hang gliding *
    11. Plant a tree *
    12. A final dinner with my beloved family *
    13. Be intamit [misspelled] with Marge

    * #10, 11, and 12 Homer is unable to squeeze into his expected last few hours



    Joined: May 21, 2002 Messages: 834 Likes Received: 0
  3. dukeofyork

    dukeofyork Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 9, 2000 Messages: 1,589 Likes Received: 1
    you MUST be bored..

    i hope you didnt type all that shit out...i mean, its funny and all...

    but not THAT funny.
  4. LadyKrink

    LadyKrink New Jack

    Joined: Mar 25, 2002 Messages: 41 Likes Received: 0
    i copied it from a website and pasted it on here:idea:
  5. dukeofyork

    dukeofyork Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 9, 2000 Messages: 1,589 Likes Received: 1
    good....id hate to think you sat there and typed it all out...

    id have to joke on you if you did.

    the simpsons are dope though.
    i still love the camping episode where the rv goes flying off the cliff..
    and homer and bart have to set traps to catch rabbits and send one flying across the forest. thud.

    "ok, ill go into the bush and flush him out, and YOU grab him....got it?"

    "right dad."

    he he he..
  6. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0
    "...I'm cold and frightened."

    -Grandpa Simpson, in that oh-so-unforgetable tone
  7. swif1

    swif1 Veteran Member

    Joined: Dec 13, 2001 Messages: 7,067 Likes Received: 29
    hey look who's back.
  8. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 11,276 Likes Received: 71

  9. podrido

    podrido Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 14, 2001 Messages: 9,182 Likes Received: 28
    simpsons will never get old to me.
  10. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,136 Likes Received: 82
    My vote goes for fuck the simpsons.
  11. zen

    zen New Jack

    Joined: Sep 20, 2001 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 0
    the simpsons are great.
  12. dai

    dai Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 30, 2001 Messages: 1,052 Likes Received: 0
    sifl and olly will always reign supreme :mad:
  13. WhAt_dA_fUcK

    WhAt_dA_fUcK Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 30, 2002 Messages: 1,149 Likes Received: 0
    the signature quote that kristy has is fucken hilarious.....

    "I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary." ---Grampa Simpson
  14. podrido

    podrido Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 14, 2001 Messages: 9,182 Likes Received: 28
    only a fucking faaaag would say that:rolleyes:
  15. socrates

    socrates Guest

    I love the simpsons in a extremly non-sexual way