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These are misprints or poorly worded phrases that have been printed in actual news pa

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by ETHREADZNY, Nov 17, 2002.

  1. ETHREADZNY

    ETHREADZNY Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 11, 2002 Messages: 3,129 Likes Received: 4
    These are misprints or poorly worded phrases that have been printed in actual news papers


    some quality stuff:

    Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

    Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

    A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

    Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

    For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers

    Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover

    Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too

    Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

    Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

    We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

    For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

    For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

    Great Dames for sale.

    Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

    Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

    Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

    Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

    "If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

    Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

    The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

    Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

    Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

    Stock up and save. Limit: one.

    We build bodies that last a lifetime.

    For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

    Man, honest. Will take anything.

    Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

    Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

    Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

    Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

    Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

    Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

    Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

    3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

    Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

    Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

    Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

    Illiterate? Write today for free help.

    Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

    Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

    Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

    Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

    And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

    We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00

    wanted, somebody to go back in time with. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not garanteed. I have only done this once before.

    Wanted: Used Paint

    Feces won't close pool for a day again.

    Canned Kitten

    EPA might restrict amounts of weed killer in tap water.

    Six men, their faces covered with red bandanas, got out of a Cherokee carrying a knife, baseball bat, billy club, and rolling pin, said Davis, 20. I knew when I saw the rolling pin that something bad was going down, Davis said.

    Free: farm kittens, ready to eat

    Jello brand toilet tissue, regular, sugar free, fat free.

    Fireproof clothing factory burns to ground

    Oatmeal rasin cookies: Ingredients- ham, water, pasturized cheese, salt, dried whey

    Lost cat, last seen at the Park County Rod & Gun Club Shooting Range

    Air board to study fast food emmisions.

    Fedral agents raid gun shop, find weapons.

    Main Street Pizza: we deliver, or pick up

    Lose All your weight: Only $49.00

    State prisons to replace easy open locks

    Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.

    Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

    A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

    The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

    Homossassa, FL. A man went into a hardware store to apply for a job. After completing his application he then went to the section of the store that sold guns. He asked to see a couple guns. The attendent left for a moment and the guy stole the guns. Not only was he video-taped, the police used the address on his application to go to his house and arrest him.

    Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

    Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

    Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

    House passes gas tax onto senate

    Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

    Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

    Prostitutes appeal to Pope

    Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes

    NJ judge to rule on nude beach

    Child's stool great for use in garden Soviet virgin lands short of goal again

    Eye drops off shelf

    Squad helps dog bite victim

    Never withhold herpes from loved one

    Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do
     
  2. ETHREADZNY

    ETHREADZNY Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 11, 2002 Messages: 3,129 Likes Received: 4
    give me some more:

    * '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES


    * FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG


    * 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15


    * BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.


    * VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS


    * STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15


    * DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED.


    * FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG


    * FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.


    * SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE - 89 cents


    * GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.


    * FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.


    * FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.


    * <http://www.whas.com/whatsnew/toyotahunch.jpg> '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000


    * FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50


    * CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE -- BONELESS

    * NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at:


    * BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"


    * SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS


    <http://www.whas.com/whatsnew/whitedog.jpg>
    * FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD.


    * HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"


    * PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5


    * HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB


    * GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.


    * CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER


    * NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINE


    * BORDER COLLIE FEMALE TO A GOOD HOE. GOOD WITH CHILDREN.


    * WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!


    * BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike).


    * FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT


    * FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS


    * AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100


    * KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.


    * TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.


    * NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.


    * THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD


    * EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175.


    * OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.


    * OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE & DONUTS


    * FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

    * AZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER


    * SO FRENCH, AFTER ONE CUP YOU'LL WANT TO GO OUI, OUI.
     
  3. •nakone•

    •nakone• Member

    Joined: Jul 2, 2002 Messages: 967 Likes Received: 0
    these threads are gettin played out
     
  4. ETHREADZNY

    ETHREADZNY Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 11, 2002 Messages: 3,129 Likes Received: 4
    ^ Great, Then do what my quote suggest and let it sink to the bottom.
     
  5. Fox Mulder

    Fox Mulder 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Nov 23, 2000 Messages: 12,434 Likes Received: 86
    "There was a tragedy in Arbuttus" you MD guys might know of that town Arbutus
     
  6. krie

    krie Guest

    * NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.



    hahaha hating that if u stole that pumpkin!
     
  7. ~KRYLON2~

    ~KRYLON2~ 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 13, 2001 Messages: 10,443 Likes Received: 191
    Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

    ^^^^that one got me
     
  8. socrates

    socrates Guest

    Damn you made alot of threads today....
     
  9. sieb

    sieb New Jack

    Joined: Jul 27, 2001 Messages: 58 Likes Received: 0
    this shits got me cracking up
     
  10. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    Dude......step off Leno's jock.......

    Did I word that right? Do I sound gangster enough??
     
  11. ETHREADZNY

    ETHREADZNY Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 11, 2002 Messages: 3,129 Likes Received: 4
    Leno, got his style from me. The reason i made so many threads yesterday, is because I felt left out, and needed some attention.
     
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