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The Turnpike Prank

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by I.C.Shadow, Dec 20, 2005.

  1. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1
    This fool had me crying :haha:

    http://www.zug.com/pranks/turnpike/

    [​IMG]

    The Massachusetts Turnpike, our main highway leading through Boston, is a toll road. Riding it end to end costs you $5.60; commuting into the city from the suburbs costs $2.00, or more, each way. All those tolls really add up -- the average commuter spends $1000.00 per year on tolls -- but it's either that or keep our massive highway construction projects under budget.

    Recently, while giving away yet another $1.00 of my hard-earned money for the privilege of driving into town, I wondered: how flexible are they about the tolls? So I decided to undertake a series of experiments.

    [​IMG]

    1) You can drive through the "Fast Lane," which is a computerized system that detects a small device that you keep on your windshield, while pelting your car with gamma rays and slowly giving you cancer of the prostate. All Fast Lanes require that you slow your car to 15 mph, and some make you stop completely, giving new meaning to the word "Fast."

    2) You can pay cash to the friendly toll booth operator, who will give you change, and, if you're lucky, a surly grunt.

    3) If you have exact change, you can use the "baskets," which are big scoop-shaped buckets into which you throw your money. The money slides down a chute, where it is then processed by either highly efficient money-sorting machinery, or financially astute elves. It's a mystery.


    [​IMG]

    Experiment #1. First, I went through one of the $1.00 toll gates, but I only threw in 97 cents. Believe it or not, I was nervous as I drove away -- would the Turnpike Police pull me over and make me fill potholes with gravel and hot tar until I paid off my debt? Would angry Dobermans chase me down the highway, chomping at my tires?


    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Nothing happened.


    Experiment #2. Emboldened, the next time I went through the toll booth, I decided to try throwing in just seven cents.

    [​IMG]

    Nothing happened.


    Experiment #3. The next time I went through, I decided to just write them an I.O.U., and tape it to the toll booth. I signed it "Mariah Carey," because I figured she can afford the extra dollar.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Nothing happened.

    This is great! I thought. All these years, I've been paying tolls, and it turns out they're optional! What other creative payment options could I use to pay my tolls on the Massachusetts Turnpike?
     
  2. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1
    In days of yore, a traveling journeyman would have to pay off a wizened troll before he could cross a precarious bridge slung over a yawning gorge. "THREE GOLD COINS!" the troll would yell, flecks of saliva and goat meat dripping from his beard. Our modern-day equivalent is the Massachusetts Turnpike, where the trolls have now been replaced by automated toll-collecting baskets -- although you can see from the picture at right that their hygiene hasn't improved.

    [​IMG]

    Experiment #4. This time, instead of throwing in $1.00, I decided to tape two pictures of rap superstar 50 Cent, because that adds up to a dollar:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    As I drove away, I kept nervously glancing in my rear view mirror for the Toll Booth Police, or 50 Cent's posse, but the sad truth is that nothing happened.


    Experiment #5. For my next experiment, I made sure to check the toll booth sign, which reads "$1.00 COINS ONLY NO BILLS PENNIES OR CANADIAN COINS." (With all that toll money, you'd think they could afford some punctuation.) Fortunately, the sign makes no mention of other foreign coins, which is the loophole I used for my next experiment. I consulted an online currency calculator to get up-to-the-minute exchange rates, then tossed in the following coins:

    1 Indian Rupee ($0.02 U.S.)
    15 Thai Baht ($0.36 U.S.)
    11 Singapore cents ($0.06 U.S.)
    1 Finnish Marka and 200 Italian Lira (no longer used, since the Euro came to town)

    That only added up to 44 cents, so I threw in a couple of Chuck E. Cheese tokens as well.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    When I went through this time, I heard the toll booth operator shout something that sounded like, "WALP!" I had been trying my little experiments at the same toll booth, so maybe he recognized my car, or maybe he was choking on a thick slice of ham. I didn't stick around to find out -- I got the WALP out of there.


    Experiment #6. In olden days, one could directly barter goods and services without the aid of money. So I bought a couple of oranges from a local convenience store, which cost me about a dollar.

    [​IMG]

    In my next run through the Mass Pike toll booths, I threw in the oranges.

    [​IMG]

    They sat in the bucket, where I assume they remained until a Fruit Collection Officer came by to pick them up. I'm sure he enjoyed their plump, juicy wedges -- after he removed the thick, encrusted peels that had been defiled by thousands of nasty-ass coins.
     
  3. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1
    What do we, the citizens of Boston, get in return for our massive toll fees? For starters, a highway that is immaculately maintained:

    [​IMG]

    And the satisfaction of sharing the road with other friendly motorists:

    [​IMG]


    Since none of my experiments had any effect on the automated change buckets, which cheerfully allowed me to pass, I concluded that the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority was the most laid-back government agency ever -- even more than the Department of Motor Vehicles, where most employees spend 92% of their workday in a deep, restful slumber.

    I felt that if I was going to leave an I.O.U. for a one-dollar toll, however, I should pay up. So I snail-mailed the following letter to the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority:

    [​IMG]

    I thought it would be interesting to see whether or not the check would get cashed. It should settle, once and for all, how relaxed they were about paying the tolls.

    And, hey, while I was sending out letters:

    [​IMG]

    My prediction was that the Turnpike check would get mired in bureaucracy and never get cashed, while Mariah's agents would greedily deposit hers immediately, since they get 15%.

    A few weeks after sending out the checks, I got my bank statement in the mail, and would you believe the Turnpike Authority actually cashed my check? I knew our highway construction projects were way overbudget, but, I mean, a dollar seventeen?!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Still no word from the Mariah Carey camp.

    So I guess we've all learned a valuable lesson here: if you need to steal, don't steal from an impoverished, badly-managed government agency. Steal from Mariah.
     
  4. MR BOJANGLES

    MR BOJANGLES Guest

    I always had a feeling you could get away with that! Knowing is half the battle...
     
  5. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 27
    Hahah, the IOU and 50-Cent stickers have me rolling.
     
  6. MR BOJANGLES

    MR BOJANGLES Guest

    Oh my god! The oranges are hilarious. Good shit bro-bro.
     
  7. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck Veteran Member

    Joined: May 12, 2000 Messages: 6,952 Likes Received: 6
    Hahaha. This is good to know. I hate toll booths.
     
  8. dumy

    dumy Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 5,056 Likes Received: 0
    quality thread so far..part 3?
     
  9. defyoner

    defyoner Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 20, 2000 Messages: 4,873 Likes Received: 3
  10. dumy

    dumy Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 5,056 Likes Received: 0
    a w e s o m e
     
  11. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1
    Part three got posted late, I had to download Firefox in the middle of it becuase Safari has such a hard time with this site for some reason... Enjoy! :king:
     
  12. dumy

    dumy Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 5,056 Likes Received: 0
    fools are LAX in boston for real foreal..back here in teh A, they got cops posted up at the toll 80% of the time..just waiting..
     
  13. SF1

    SF1 Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 25, 2003 Messages: 4,866 Likes Received: 5
    You just showed your real name to anybody that was wondering. I hope the pigs in Boston aren't building a case on you for graff. <---Or toll evasion. :haha:
     
  14. I.C.Shadow

    I.C.Shadow Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 9, 2004 Messages: 1,190 Likes Received: 1
    This is actually a repost of a website (not mine). He foolishly kept his name on the checks though haha.
     
  15. dobsilla

    dobsilla Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 15, 2004 Messages: 2,015 Likes Received: 20
    i read this and it was pretty funny, then at the bottom of each of them it recommends another prank to read, and i got all wrapped up and read like 8 of them. they are all pretty good. i like the "all natural" one. and the credit card prank 1+2 were funny
     
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