The Giving Tree Fountain Of Knowledge

As many of you know, I work 7:30 to 5 pm every day of the week. At this job, I sit on the internet and check references or do various other medial tasks barely fit for someone with the title "monkey's assistant" deserves, let alone "coordinator." I have learned that the word "coordinator" actually means office bitch who will do anything you say including sorting 10,000 various forms for alphabetical order, just to shred them hours later. The BIGGEST benefit of this whole thing is that I do about 45 minutes of actual work every day. the rest of the time is spent getting coffee, walking around the office talking to people, hunting on eBay, and checking my 3 email accounts 40 billion times.

I also frequent the forum here, and a few others.

After months of doing this, I'm sick of everything just shy of talking to people, which is why I'm here today.

ASK ME ANYTHING. this is the giving tree super-thread of I-WILL-ANSWER-ANYTHING honestly or whatever. ask me about my life, ask me about physics, ask me about how to get rid of the gout, ask me about the fat girl I met from the internet who loved icp and tried to eat my friend while camping. ask me anything. say anything to me and I'll do my best to respond. if I don't know the answer I will either look it up on the internet or ask a co-worker. if anything, I will make something up for you. this is a last-ditch effort to keep myself entertained until I go to class each day. if I am NOT here, I will do my absolute best to answer the questions the next day.

ONLY LIMITATIONS:

1) no names (including my own, where I work, etc.)

2) no phone numbers

3) no addresses

this applies to what I write, etc. I will not incriminate myself or others. but I will tell stories in which I probably will slip up and say names anyways because I'm a flake.

so let the games begin.

Why is purchasing a vehicle like pulling teeth?

Hermdog, most car salesmen are the scum of the planet. Unreasonable rates, gimmicks as far as the eye can see, and they use every trick in the book to sell you a vehicle.

to illustrate my example, I once purchased a vehicle from a dealership. it was a black pickup. I negotiated a deal down to a reasonable amount for said pickup, right around 9 thousand dollars. I am not kidding you when I say they actually sold me a DIFFERENT pickup than the one I looked at on the lot. they had a similar truck with similar miles (being an idiot I did not look at the mileage to see if it was consistent.) the truck I ACTUALLY purchased was covered in dents, and had a broken 3rd door. all items I would have noticed when I originally looked at the vehicle. not only that, but they also tacked on taxes, surcharges, and fees until they drove the buying price up to 12 thousand dollars. needless to say it hurt.

I've never had a tooth pulled, well I did once but it was at this ghetto doctor who didn't even give me anything more than Novocain, but that shit sucked too. I'm glad he didn't put me under because he was a Nancy and probably would have touched my no-no spot.

so as you can see, there is a clear correlation between getting teeth pulled and buying a car.

I'm 20k miles over what's allowed on my lease agreement and I still have 5 months left. Aside from keeping the use of my car down to a minimum, what will be the best thing to do when the lease is up?

I know the basic legal shit and the options I'll have, but if you can offer the words of someone that's been in a similar situation, it would help me decide what I'm going to do. Or to anyone else reading this, for that matter.

ae:

my co-worker ed has never leased a car, but told me a story about how he purchased a van in 1995, drove it until it died a few days ago, and has just purchased a 2000 Mitsubishi gallant with low miles for 3 thousand dollars. "I'm the kind of guy who buys a car and drives it 'till it dies." he then told me he has 2 boys who have totaled out 3 cars in the last six months.

Jodi has never leased a car and looks kind of like a 30something Goth chick so I didn't really talk to her much.

Kay said that you are screwed, but she's from Africa so she doesn't really know much and talks about nonsense most of the time.

if I were you, I'd look into buying the car outright. at 15 or 20 cents a mile, that's a lot of money wasted when you could buy it, use it as a trade in, and suffer a LESSER loss than if you were to just turn it in outright and get shafted with the mileage thing. so yeah, my recommendation is to look into buying it instead of turning it in and getting screwed on the over-mileage. I'm sure you can do that, I had a friend do it with a Honda civic si he riced out and was going to loose an assload on, and only ended up paying 3k more than sticker for it, which in the long run was way less than if he had eaten the initial loss.

on a side note, feel free to ask about my personal life, especially my past, because I guarantee you I have more insane stories than most people you will ever meet. my life has been bonkers.

what am i doing with my life?

Originally posted by Herbivore@Jan 5 2005, 02:54 PM

what am i doing with my life?

Quoted post

how old are you and what country are you in?

Originally posted by Giving Tree@Jan 5 2005, 08:48 AM

Kay said that you are screwed, but she's from Africa so she doesn't really know much and talks about nonsense most of the time.

 

Quoted post

hahahahaha

herbivore;

your aim name is poppy3000. you have a picture of Gumby as your profile pic. based on that you are either 14 years old or gay as the day is long (not that there is anything wrong with that).

if your a vegetarian, good job. if I didn't like chicken so much I'd do it, in fact I tried once when I was dating this girl... her name escapes me but it went like this..

I got kicked out of my house and had to move to my dad's house on 7 mile. *(yes, good ol' Detroit) I hated the dude and ditched out on him when he tried to hit me or something (I can't remember) and moved up to 11 mile with my aunt. I hung out in royal oak area and met this girl on a Detroit chat room (yes, internet) and she came over to pick me up. kind of ugly, acne, whatever. came with her boyfriend matt. had a good time, made friends. ended up kissing the girl a lot, that was fine, but her and her boyfriend were both mad gothic. the boyfriend never found out, I still hung out with him, AND hung out with the girl I was kissing, and started to hang out with the boyfriend's older sister. The older sister kissed me when she drove me home one night, and after some drama about that I stopped kissing the girlfriend and started kissing the sister. matt found out I kissed BOTH and hated on me. dated older sister for about 3 months, started listening to the aqua bats, and dry-humped the sister at her college dorm room when she had a super maxi pad on that sounded like a diaper. I TRIED to be vegetarian then, but snuck burgers and turkey all the time.

girl dumped me for another girl, which was fine because she was mad ugly and I only liked her due to convenience and the fact she hooked me with the L-bomb.

on another note, the diaper girl hung out with the suicide machines alot because they worked at a local record store i guess and eventually dated a guy from the band bourgeois filth, which sucked ass and sounded like rap-core in the early 90s. this all happened around junior year of highschool so it was like 97 or so.

Originally posted by trackstand+Jan 5 2005, 02:57 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (trackstand - Jan 5 2005, 02:57 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Giving Tree@Jan 5 2005, 08:48 AM

Kay said that you are screwed, but she's from Africa so she doesn't really know much and talks about nonsense most of the time.

 

Quoted post

hahahahaha

[/b]

it's true. and she's tactless. she picks up my cellphone and just calls people at random, always tries to flirt with me (she's got momma africa hips) and basically is a nuisence around the office. the sound of her voice makes me cringe and i can't stand her talking to me more than 2 or 3 minutes or she interjects some random africa knowledge thats based on dirt or zebras or clicks.

it sucks.

Sounds horrible. What movie should I rent tonight?

this thread is slow as molasses, so I'm going to re-enforce.. bombing stories, life stories, first girlfriend, drugs, ninjas, ask me about property taxes, anything. I'll answer ANY question to the best of my abilities and as honest as it comes. most embarrassing sex experience, first kiss, am I gay, etc... anything.

I'm so bored.

giving tree- should i give up my desk job and become a rent-a-cop for $17.00 starting? i would be sitting in an armored car all day.

Originally posted by trackstand@Jan 5 2005, 03:28 PM

Sounds horrible. What movie should I rent tonight?

Quoted post

trackstand:

I used to work at a video store, two actually.. and have some GREAT stories from there, like the time I make a knight's costume out of cardboard and attacked all the shelves with a huge sword, or the time the assistant manager and I threw a hatchet around breaking shelves and movies, or the time we hit a kid in the balls with a rock solid wad of cotton candy.

but that wasn't your question.

as for what to watch, I'll throw some out there.

for new stuff, Napoleon Dynamite was hands down the best comedy I've seen in a while. that's a good one.

for the Indy emo crowd, or someone looking for a semi-sob story, get Garden State, movie rocks and the soundtrack is even better. actually the end of the movie happened to me within the last month or so, minus the very end where it goes from suck to good. my ending just sucked. (will elaborate if necessary)

for classics:

last star fighter - slept on.

swingers - rented it 2 nights ago but my ps2 wont play it, but got good reviews.

sopranos - just started this show, damn it's good. I'm late in the game.

better off dead - john cusack is my favorite, and he tries to kill himself like 3 times.

seven - my favorite movie ever.

legends of the fall - brad pitt rocks my socks off.. I would have been the most bad ass dude back then... killing spree is all I'm saying.

Jodi's favorite movie, after a debate about how her life is pathetic (because guys hate her because she is a 30 year old Goth) she said she doesn't watch many movies, but loved riding in cars with boys, and father of the bride.. so if you want to suck like Jodi, watch that shit.

Tell us more about Jodi.

agreed. more about jodi.

whats the most interesting story you can tell us?

that a good one?

Originally posted by Giving Tree+Jan 5 2005, 09:55 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Giving Tree - Jan 5 2005, 09:55 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Herbivore@Jan 5 2005, 02:54 PM

what am i doing with my life?

Quoted post

how old are you and what country are you in?

[/b]

24, New York, USA

Originally posted by FIST2CUFFS@Jan 5 2005, 03:39 PM

giving tree- should i give up my desk job and become a rent-a-cop for $17.00 starting? i would be sitting in an armored car all day.

Quoted post

FIST2CUFFS;

well, there is the logic response and my gut instinct,

logic: if it pays more, take it. if you hate your desk job as much as I do, take it. but if there is room for advancement in the close future and would make more money at the desk job, or you get benefits at your desk job, keep it. benefits rock, and if you are a armored car guy benefits would become MORE important and you'd probably have crappy ones.

my gut: take the armored car job. who cares pay rate, who cares about anything other than the fact that a) they are basically GIVING you an armored car and b) they will GIVE you a gun. those two things are hands down worth any change in income/lifestyle. IT'S A FUCKING ARMORED CAR.. sick of the job? boss got you down? YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING ARMORED CAR AND A GUN.. no one will give you any shit. the outfits suck though. that's a downfall.

Jodi said she'd take the armored car job, and then proceeded to tell me a story about cops outside her hotel room in new York city with machine guns and how it's "standard procedure" to make themselves a presence in new York by showing up, holding guns, and then taking off after a bit. she also told me guns scare her and that her ex husband had a ton and hid one under the bed when it was fully loaded and he had a 5 year old kid in the house.

hope this helps.

Originally posted by Giving Tree@Jan 5 2005, 10:04 AM

herbivore;

 

your aim name is poppy3000. you have a picture of Gumby as your profile pic. based on that you are either 14 years old or gay as the day is long (not that there is anything wrong with that).

 

if your a vegetarian, good job.

Quoted post

poppy was my nickname in high school so the screen name is very old. Gumby is the shit, and i am not a vegetarian.

yeah it seems there are alot of "bonuses"..... muahahahhahaahaa

yo giving, hows it going..

so here i am sitting home bored today..no school or work today..any ideas on what i should do/

you seem to have stories, tell me a good story to start my day to.

Originally posted by trackstand@Jan 5 2005, 03:41 PM

Tell us more about Jodi.

Quoted post

Jodi is like 30. heavy. very heavy. gross ass. she has a kid. friendly. bad acne, always wears black, black curly hair. she has bigger cubicle than me. kind of snide, talks about her ex-husband all day every day, and her friend Joe who humps her and leaves a lot.

she just told me that she doesn't have time to write anything about herself, so we'll have to wait until she's either super bored later today or maybe tomorrow, but I'll try again and see if I can get her to say anything.

ok, I've got MILLIONS of stories, but we'll give you a few to choose from and go from there.

1) the time I got caught drunk driving with my mom when I was 15 to find my drunk brother who was 13.

2) Edward Bushman

3) My ex-girlfriend Trinity and her OCD.

4) my first kiss

5) the time I was the jitter bug.

number 1 first.

i wanna hear about option #1

Jesus, do you have all your co-workers in your cubicle going on 12oz with you?

yes option 1.

Originally posted by cloner@Jan 5 2005, 04:13 PM

number 1 first.

Quoted post

1) I was like 15 years old and living in this crap ass town way up north and life sucked. i was a dumb kid with few friends, and the friends i had were wanna-be thugsters. Bobby and Frank were there names. Well bobby had gotten us a bunch of vodka, he was like 19 at the time, and we went over to his cousin Carrie's house to drink it. I had been drinking since i was like 13 so it was no big thing, i was a jerkoff of a kid, and so whatever. we got trashed, it was like 3 blocks from my house, and my mom wouldn't let me stay the night. So i walked home late, like 1 am late, it's summer so it's ok. I get home and my mom is FREAKING the fuck out because my brother is gone. My mom was drinking so she had me drive, totally unaware of the fact i was drunk until i had driven like 2 miles down some highway. She had a shit-fit. It was fucking hellarious to look back on. i was like 15, no license, and totally hammered. if i had gotten pulled over i would have died. i was TOTALLY fucking ripped, swerving all over the road, barely able to stay awake. i am so fucking amazed she didn't notice earlier.

we never did find my brother that night, he came home the next morning totally fucking hung over, we both got grilled hard and grounded for like 2 months. that lasted about 3 days. my mom progressively lost trust in me from that day on. same with my brother, but he took the cake when he became a drug dealer.

Originally posted by trackstand@Jan 5 2005, 04:17 PM

Jesus, do you have all your co-workers in your cubicle going on 12oz with you?

Quoted post

no, and they don't even know about it. i just shoot them emails all day anyway, so i just asked jodi "tell me about yourself."

whatever.

deskjockey.