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The Doctor Is In...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Milton, Jun 28, 2004.

  1. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Heres your chance to get advice on life. You don't know whether you should buy a house or a speedboat? You don't know whether women are really into oral sex with pop rocks? All your answers will be found here. I have assembled a crack team of experts better known as the 12oz love doctors who may or may not be assiting in the advisement if they see fit, they should feel free. I'm going to try to avoid the obscure "How many gallons of jello would I need to have a 12 woman battle royale?" but if it comes to it I will be forced to answer...


    Shoot...
     
  2. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    i have a belly ache. i haven't been feeling too crash hot for a couple of weeks now. maybe its the large quantities of alcohol, or the clouds of spraypaint, i dunno.

    my question to you is:

    should i shoot my noisy neighbours upstairs? they're annoying
     
  3. duh-rye-won

    duh-rye-won Member

    Joined: Aug 8, 2001 Messages: 580 Likes Received: 2
    i have a belly ache too. AND the shits. Milton, why is my ass peeing instead of shitting when i have a perfectly functioning penis? i don't understand.


    please help,
    -filthy fart
     
  4. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    The best way to deal with a neighbor that bothers you is to find a way to relate to them, once you have built repport it is easy to ask them for a favor. If you don't have rapport set up you asking them to shut the fuck up will put them on the defensive and inspire them to continue their behavior. Instead befriend them and ask them, don't tell. And definitely don't shoot.
     
  5. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Dear FF,
    it could be dietary or bacterial. If it is dietary it is just your bodies way of getting rid of something that is toxic or unnecessary to it. If it is bacterial, it means that bacteria has thrown off the balance in your intestines and is causing you to excrete more liquid mixture than normal. If it is dietary the best thing you can do is take iron supplements, (I'm not a doctor so don't blame me if you kill yourself) but iron suppliments have an anti-laxative effect. If it is bacterial the only remedy is to see a doctor and get an antibiotic or another treatment...
    Hope this helps
     
  6. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    right, so mail sabotage and prank pizza deliveries is the way to go then. cheers
     
  7. duh-rye-won

    duh-rye-won Member

    Joined: Aug 8, 2001 Messages: 580 Likes Received: 2
    thanks Doc!
     
  8. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    My usual painting partner has decided that getting yelled at by his girlfriend on the cell phone and saying “sorry” to her repeatedly while we piece is appropriate. My argument is that when a motherfucker like me can’t afford to get booked, it’s not right to be all nonchalant and act like a bitch while we’re doing something illegal. Should I dump him?
     
  9. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Dear MyBoysABitch,
    Why is your friend on his cellphone while he's piecing anyway? Can he not tell her to shut the fuck up and or hang up. That is something I wouldn't want around me while I'm painting in the first place... So you have to think critically about the situation, and ask him to think with you. Is his petty argument with his girlfriend worth getting locked up over? Or would it be better if he left the cellphone in the car and paid attention to what he was doing? I think both of you would agree that the second option is better. I think if he isn't willing to take your police record seriously you should give him the boot...
     
  10. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    You’re very right. I thought the same thing, but it’s assuring to know that you have the same opinion. I prefer keeping my own six most times, anyway. A guy who likes to get chewed up by his ex-girl (yes, forgot to mention that) while doing this shit is deluded, perhaps.

    Thank you, doctor!
     
  11. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    It's his ex girl? What the fuck are people on these days. All he has to say is "BIIIIITCH!" I don't know...
     
  12. anonymity1

    anonymity1 Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 28, 2003 Messages: 1,945 Likes Received: 0
    How do you stop pesky toys from running through your ditch and capping everything? I mean, I can't wait there all the time for someone to show up so we can beat em down. What should I do? Booby traps, disgusting amounts of decaying animals..HELP
     
  13. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 30, 2001 Messages: 9,016 Likes Received: 117
    Milton, you're my heeeerooowww...
     
  14. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Dear OverrunWithToys,

    Your objective is to scare the toys out of coming back to your yard correct? And what are toys most affraid of? You got it, police. All you have to do is spread the rumor that so and so got caught in the ditch and the toys will keep away. If this doesn't work you might have to wait for the toys to show and then handle things the old-fashioned way, ya dig? I know you do...

    Quick Tip: Brown Corn Syrup looks just like blood when it dries, that could scare a toy or two, maybe run a knife through it and splatter it in the yard. If you're real grimey, butches will sell you pints of blood...
     
  15. KillWhitey

    KillWhitey Banned

    Joined: Jun 19, 2004 Messages: 228 Likes Received: 0
    dear Milton,
    I gotta fucking move in less than one year from now. My exact options are as follows:

    1- New York City- I was born there and have been there many times and am lucky enough to have 1 of my best friends living there, as well as other friends. I have a dream job waiting for me, but it doesnt pay as much as the cost of living in NYC.

    2- Miami- I lived my first 18 years of life in Puerto Rico and the winters in NY and Chicago are unbelievably affecting me in allot of bad ways. The problem is I dont want to give up just because of weather and stay stuck in warm weather palces my whole life, not that theres anything wrong with that I guess. I have an even better paying job lined up for me in Miami than in NY, and I also like to be around my kind of people as much as I can (colored I guess).

    3. Chicago- Ive lived here for 3 years and know it pretty well, better than any other american city at least. Its a pretty dull and average city, from one ethnic neighborhood to another its relatively quiet compared to NY and PR. I have three jobs to pick from over here that I know what to expect already, but other than that theres no real reason to stay here any longer. But I do have a married brother over here and a first cousin too. But we barely ever speak to eachother.

    4. San Diego- never been there but have heard its beutiful. I have a great job waiting for me there that would pay pretty good. I dont know anyone there but it wont be the first time I go live somewhere I dont know anyone at.

    5. Newark, New Jersey- Good job waiting for me there also. I know some people but not well at all. Ive been there before and it was better than I expected.


    damn thats allot of typing, so whats up Doc?

    sincerely,
    Free Like an Eagle
     
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