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THE BEST OF VICE'S DO'S AND DON'T'S II

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by fr8lover, May 27, 2003.

  1. fr8lover

    fr8lover Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 22, 2000 Messages: 3,919 Likes Received: 1
    http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n1/htdocs/dos_donts/p.jpg'>
    Is there anything VIBE readers won’t buy? Jesus Christ.
    You could probably sell them an aborted fetus if it said Krylon on it.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n1/htdocs/dos_donts/h.jpg'>
    Normal people just keep getting weirder and weirder to me. Sure the guys are hairy, obtuse mama’s boys that read sports, piss on the lid and dance with an overbite, but the women are just as shitty. She doesn’t even know what a fucking butt plug is.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n1/htdocs/dos_donts/3.jpg'>
    You can’t really go wrong with mod clothes. They’re a timeless combination of sharp hipness and virgin innocence. The kind of thing that goes really well with gigantic bazooms.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n7/htdocs/dos_donts/12.jpg'>
    Going through the used-clothing bin is more about having vision than finding neat-o clothes. Anyone can pull out a vintage Nike, but it takes A&R skills the size of Clive Davis’ balls to see the potential in an outfit like this.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n5/htdocs/dos_donts/g.jpg'>
    The problem with dressing up as a magical Mad Max cyber-gypsy is that eventually you have to get on a bus and go buy cigarettes. There’s no dry ice at the 7-11. Just you and your stupid fucking stupid-ass face.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n1/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-74-copy_08.jpg'>
    I know I keep saying this and it doesn’t impress booze advertisers when we put kids in the magazine but fuck that looks fun. That’s more than playing. Motherfucker IS Spiderman.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n1/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-74-copy_03.jpg'>
    Just so you know (the photo isn’t too clear), these two cats have just
    been married and the one in front of them (the “driver” in the green
    robe) is usually holding the reigns because the front part hitches up
    to a fucking dog. Can you imagine if a stoned guy saw this? He’d
    become energy times the speed of light squared.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n2/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-62_10-01.jpg'>
    This hat is great and everything, but when P.O.D. is playing in the background all “Boom! Here comes the Boom!
    Ready or not, here comes the boys from the South,” it’s intense. It makes you feel like starting a gang with him (or her).

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n2/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-64_21-01.jpg'>
    You know that game where you yell, “Hey, fuckface!” to see who turns around? This guy got totally freaked out when we did it, because he actually is a fuckface.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n2/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-64_20-01.jpg'>
    You know those fucked-up hard candies old ladies are always trying to give you? This is what those candies would look like if they were a person.

    [img]http://viceland.com/issues/v10n4/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Untitled-8_3_03.jpg'>
    Of course, if you wanted to avoid that problem you’d have to fill out all those oversize clothes with body mass. Let’s see how that works. “Nope, it’s not working out. You look like a giant bean!” What? I can’t hear you! “A bean! You look like a fucking bean!”
     
  2. metallix

    metallix Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 7, 2001 Messages: 2,955 Likes Received: 1
    its kinda weird when one was present when some of those pics were taken...
     
  3. fr8lover

    fr8lover Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 22, 2000 Messages: 3,919 Likes Received: 1
    http://www.viceland.com/issues/v8n10/htdocs/dos_donts/2.jpg'>
    This is how black people should dress. Instead of the hip hop uniform with the Timberlands and the North Face or the faux afro-centric shit with some silly hat, home girl rocks the Rastafarian b-girl with perfect racial superiority.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v8n10/htdocs/dos_donts/i.jpg'>
    Nice fucking purple track pants you fat bitch. What are you, the fucking Michelin Man? Nice gay hat, too, you fucking little loser bitch.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n2/htdocs/dos_donts/2.jpg'>
    There’s something about guys with neck tattoos that makes girls wet. Maybe it’s the fact that they have balls enough to makes things weird with their Dad - FOREVER!

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n2/htdocs/dos_donts/B.jpg'>
    Sometimes when you’re out DON’Ting and you see someone like this you’re like, “Holy shit, holy shit” all nervous with the camera and then you get it and you’re like “YES!”
    Check out his dreaded beard.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n3/htdocs/dos_donts/c.jpg'>
    What started out as a “stressed denim” look has become something that looks as stupid as when you pissed your pants. Where the fuck is her ass, by the way?

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v8n9/htdocs/dos_donts/12.jpg'>
    One of the great things about not being white is all the racism jokes you can make. When black people wear a “niggers beware” shirt it’s hilarious. Lucky bastards.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v8n9/htdocs/dos_donts/5a.jpg'>
    After getting harassed by one too many jocks, Irene successfully implemented her “reverse psychology t-shirt” plan - ewe.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v8n9/htdocs/dos_donts/6a.jpg'>
    Remember being five and you’d have a fake leather jacket and mirrored sunglasses and a cardboard guitar? Italians are still into that but not kidding even less.

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n4/htdocs/dos_donts/e.jpg'>
    Whoa, Mom. I know they’re tasty, but when you walk around the park with a Chocalicious Black Dick Popsicle it makes the rest of us feel really uncomfortable.
     
  4. Grandola

    Grandola Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 16, 2002 Messages: 1,773 Likes Received: 0
  5. destroya

    destroya Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 30, 2002 Messages: 1,714 Likes Received: 1
     
  6. mikro137

    mikro137 Guest

    wow

    this = hardt

    :lol:
     
  7. fr8lover

    fr8lover Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 22, 2000 Messages: 3,919 Likes Received: 1
    i bumped the original one too...
     
  8. Jesus of Nazareth

    Jesus of Nazareth Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 6, 2000 Messages: 2,388 Likes Received: 1

    Hahahahaha
     
  9. Born Loser

    Born Loser New Jack

    Joined: Sep 14, 2001 Messages: 63 Likes Received: 0
    http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n2/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-64_20-01.jpg'>

    I'd do her
     
  10. shoekeys

    shoekeys Member

    Joined: May 18, 2003 Messages: 258 Likes Received: 0
    When they knock 'famous' peoples,
    It gets too omnious and witty at
    the same time...It hurts...

    the Paris Hilton one....
    http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n2/htdocs/dos_donts/images/Page-64_20-01.jpg'>

    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n4/htdocs/dos_donts/h.jpg'>

    If you happen to be in the entertainment industry and get free makeup, make the most of it. Use special shading to draw a skinny nose on your wide nose until you look like an extra from The Lion King on Broadway


    [img]http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n9/htdocs/dos_donts/d.jpg'>

    What has happened to hip hop? It’s gone from “bum rushing the show” to dressing like Formula One cars while checking the Motorola phone for more endorsement deals

    The real winner was the Jermaine Dupri 'don't'....
    It took the cake, dude is the ultimate clown....
    If anyone can find that, you'll be my hero.....
     
  11. .sE.

    .sE. New Jack

    Joined: Apr 1, 2003 Messages: 85 Likes Received: 0
    my stomach hurts from laughin....hahaha**oW :dazed:
     
  12. sneak

    sneak Guest

    hehe, nice one//
     
  13. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
  14. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    http://www.viceland.com/issues/v9n5/htdocs/dos_donts/i.jpg'>

    I hereby call bullshit on all monks. Get the fuck out of here. The only thing that you really believe in is that you were not getting laid at all and you were really, really bored.
     
  15. Krook

    Krook Banned

    Joined: Oct 26, 2002 Messages: 1,922 Likes Received: 0
     
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