That ain't my baby's momma...

yea so most of my posts lie in metal heads and brick slayers, although i read most of the threads here in channel zero....and ive got a problem...

my ex-girlfriend informed me tonight that she is 100% pregnant with my baby. i know it is mine, for i have been fearing the actual situation for about 2 weeks now. She has already gone as far as picking out godparents, and has told me previously she would expect me to quit graffiti because she doesn't want her babys father to be in jail.

the real problem is i dont want her to keep the baby. im 21 years old, 2 time college dropout,,,,currently enrolled now and doing well but still a good 70 credits from graduating,,,with a job waiting tables. I know she is against abortion,,not completely, but feels pretty strongly about it....what do I do??? she is still in college, neither of us have rich families, i dont want to stop graffiti (as selfish as that sounds), and in my eyes neither one of us are ready to have a kid. im an alcoholic fuck up. how do i convince her its not a good idea??? do i emphasize that she drank abunch and smoked pot since she has been pregnant before she suspected that she was??? i need advice my fellow 12ozers...

Originally posted by FRANKY JONES@Apr 5 2005, 12:50 AM

and has told me previously she would expect me to quit graffiti because she doesn't want her babys father to be in jail.

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psssshh.

anyway i think the "a" word needs to be mentioned.

*edit.

well if she's against it, tell her your side and push the issue!!

the real problem is i dont want her to keep the baby.

Its really not up to you its up to her as she is the one having it. If you really feel strongly about it like you say you do. Talk to her about it! Tell her all the reasons you feel she shouldnt be having it, and dont tell her "dont have the baby" Be a little more compassionate than that. And if she decides to still have the baby, man up and take care of it.

i dont want to stop graffiti (as selfish as that sounds), and in my eyes neither one of us are ready to have a kid.

If you werent ready to have a kid, then you werent ready to have sex. Yeah it sounds like bullshit, i know. But condoms do sometimes fail, and other manners of misfortunes can happen despite any precautions you might have taken, but if you get a kid, quit graffiti. For reals. Dont be a dumbass.

im an alcoholic fuck up.

Youre only an alcoholic fuck up because you want to be that way. If you were homeless or something, that could be understood. But from what you described, youre living okay, not the best, but then again youre not living on the street. Alcoholism is tough, i know. If you want to help first step is to just quit. If you need help talk to some counselors or something, seek some professional help.

Sorry if i come off as a dick to you, but this is a serious issue and should be responded to appropriately.

Originally posted by CACashRefund@Apr 5 2005, 01:02 AM

the real problem is i dont want her to keep the baby.

 

Its really not up to you its up to her as she is the one having it.

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nah man, i dont agree with this (though i do with everything else you said).

it takes two to tango, so this baby is yours and hers. that means you get a say in what happens. i advise you move strongly.

Shit man, you're fucked. Try telling her that in order to be a good person and be a good father, you need to finish up your education and having a bay around will make that impossible. If you're really desperate, promise her you'll have a baby with her after you've finished education, then do a runner.

My advice to you is this:

If youre cool with yours or her parents, have them do a temporary adoption whilst you guys are in school. You cant juggle college, a shitty job and a family, you will end up putting a gun to your head. If the parents or other close family isn't there I strongly suggest an abortion. Do what you feel is the best thing, even if it means dropping out of college, again.

Originally posted by sneak+Apr 4 2005, 06:07 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (sneak - Apr 4 2005, 06:07 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-CACashRefund@Apr 5 2005, 01:02 AM

the real problem is i dont want her to keep the baby.

 

Its really not up to you its up to her as she is the one having it.

Quoted post

nah man, i dont agree with this (though i do with everything else you said).

it takes two to tango, so this baby is yours and hers. that means you get a say in what happens. i advise you move strongly.

[/b]

Yeah you do get a say, but legally hes fucked. I heard a story about some lady who stashed her boys cum and then impregnated herself with it. Dude broke up with her not long after not knowing this had happened, and then a year or two later the lady is like here is your son/daughter i demand child support. The guy takes her to court and ends up losing. Kinda fucked huh? I dont know, thats why i advised homie to have a serious talk with his girl about this.

another thing you could do is put it up for adoption afterwards. But i think that this probably isnt going to happen. nine months of carrying it just to let it go to strangers is pretty harsh. Abortion has problems because she might not be able to get pregnant afterwards. I forget what happens but that is what i remember. Just talk to her. peace. hope all works out

Originally posted by Hoblow@Apr 4 2005, 06:08 PM

Shit man, you're fucked. Try telling her that in order to be a good person and be a good father, you need to finish up your education and having a bay around will make that impossible. If you're really desperate, promise her you'll have a baby with her after you've finished education, then do a runner.

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This is good.

I would move somewhere and change my name.

time to buckle down and become a righteous man/father

If she decides to have it you need to lay down some laws. For instance, you are still going to do graffiti. Tell her that she is the one that wants the kid, you aren't, why should you give up what you want to do. That isn't saying you aren't going to be there for the kid.. but you sure as fuck aren't going to stop doing something you love because she expects it.

Let her know she's taking care of the baby full time until you get out of school. etc etc etc.

sorry got bored. maybwe i'll add the rest of my thought later.

Originally posted by GucciCondom@Apr 4 2005, 09:22 PM

I would move somewhere and change my name.

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Originally posted by The Leader@Apr 4 2005, 08:35 PM

If she decides to have it you need to lay down some laws. For instance, you are still going to do graffiti. Tell her that she is the one that wants the kid, you aren't, why should you give up what you want to do. That isn't saying you aren't going to be there for the kid.. but you sure as fuck aren't going to stop doing something you love because she expects it.

 

Let her know she's taking care of the baby full time until you get out of school. etc etc etc.

 

 

sorry got bored. maybwe i'll add the rest of my thought later.

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i like this....she is currently living at school about 40 mins away so im about to head up there and sit down with her and talk....im taking into account what you have all said and ill be back with her response later tonight or tomorrow morning...as if you really care...

"'NUFF TO MAKE A NIGGA GO CARAAAAAAZZZZZZAAAY"

try being responsible, that would help. I'm not puttin you down or anything, but you both put yourselves in the situation and to take the easy way out (abortion), is pretty wack, but that's my opinion and i'm sure it doesnt matter to you...

if you push the issue of abortion on her, shit may get ugly and she could wind up hating you for life and sucking you dry for child support, so watch out with that one. You shouldnt PUSH anything on her. yea, it's your baby too, but it's her body, not yours.. guys gotta realize that stuff.

good luck with whatever happens..

Quitting alcohol won't kill you. Finishing school wouldn't be so bad either... Quitting graff might kill you. But you could always paint in the cut and legals.

What is so bad about having the baby again? Responsibility?

^^^i think its the $20,000/year that they cost

Originally posted by »§ÜGÅR«@Apr 4 2005, 08:53 PM

try being responsible, that would help. I'm not puttin you down or anything, but you both put yourselves in the situation and to take the easy way out (abortion), is pretty wack, but that's my opinion and i'm sure it doesnt matter to you...

 

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seriously, take responsibility man. I can't stand this shit.

get out the coat hanger

bring back the early 90's

not funny..

Be a fucking man.

While it's ultimately HER choice whether she has the baby or not, it is equally BOTH your responsibility if she has the child. Seriously, some things are much more important than painting and getting shitfaced.

But I dunno, I can preach and tell you to do the right thing, but if it was me in your shoes, would I stick around and raise a baby?

I really don't know, I hope so.

...the first thing you have to do is have a serious and repsectful talk with her about th wholw situation...make sure thta she knows everything that will be involved in having a child, as well as everything you have to do...let her know you don't feel ready to be a father, but don't push abortion on to her, just explain your rational...the thing is that abortion and miscarriage both carry serious psychological weight for her and, believe it or not, you...it's not something to be jumped at just because it's an option...

...it sucks for a child to grow up with parents that weren't ready for them, but it's even worse when that child grows up in a house that dad deserted becasue he 'didn't want that kid'...don't be a fuckin dead beat...if she has the kid, you better be willing to sacrifice your life for that kid, even if it means you can't paint, or go out drinkin with the guys every night...be a fuckin man...life's a bitch sometimes, do the best you can...

well she's your ex. it sounds like she's the one who wants it. tell her everything you feel, but in the end it's really her decision. like it or not, it's her body so she can choose whatever she wants. however, she will probably have custody correct?. you can have visiting rights, maybe 2 or so a week and weekends or whatever is decided.

you don't have to quit painting. does she plan on quitting drugs/alcohol after baby is born? you shouldn't give up painting just because you have a child.

if you pay child support, it is decided by how much you make a month. it isn't fun and it will be hard.but look on the bright side, if she ends up keeping it- you will love this child. it will make your life harder on a million levels. however, it will probably bring you happiness and joy you didn't know existed.

good luck, and keep us posted.

i got a buddywho's a father, who is a TRUE addict and alcoholic, he cant stop and has been in and out of AA since he was 16, couple weeks ago he checked himself into detox after being found walking down the side of a highway with a thumb in the air, the shit beaten out of him and huffing a bottle of ether. he's tried to "get sober for the kid" doesnt work for junkies they gotta do it for them.

so you aint him, think of it like that. maybe she'll get an abortion, if she has the kid, then work your ass off to support them, try and get a better job and finish school, you can sleep in 2 years. you will thank yourself for your hard work and so will your woman and the child. this is what separates boys from men, and don't worry, you're supposed to be scared, its part of fatherhood.

1

Things to say:

-I respect your views on abortion

-I feel as if this isnt the time to have a child, in your's and my life. We are both not ready, way too young, and having a child would not only be a burden on us, but would be a burden for the child because he/she wouldnt get the proper care we would like to give him.

Things not to say:

-I wont give up graffiti for the child. She'll just get spiteful and say shes going to have it.

- Im an alcoholic/druggie and I dont think Im ready to go sober. Thats not an excuse, sounds fucked up but its true.

Has she actually gotten a preg test at a doctor? Also, how far along is she supposed to be approx? Also, this better make you a wiser person. Sure youre only 21, but thats not an excuse either. Wrap that shit up.

Pull an Earmuffs and skip out of town....

Wow that sucks, kids are expensive and very time consuming. Good luck

Originally posted by FRANKY JONES@Apr 4 2005, 07:50 PM

do i emphasize that she drank abunch and smoked pot since she has been pregnant before she suspected that she was???

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A prime example of why my future wife and I will plan & acknowledge when we want to have children.

Get an abortion. It's still early enough where it won't be as expensive as a second term abortion & won't be as dangerous to your woman's reproductive system.

How long have you been with your girl for anyway?

tell her you got $5 on the abortion, and then say " f 'real f 'real "