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Thanks you TechTVI for teaching me how to cyber

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by --zeSto--, Aug 25, 2003.

  1. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    Thanks to techTV!!

    here's the article

    Geek Guide to Getting it On(line): Time for Cybersex

    Thanks to me (not kilo, the woman who wrote the article), you've
    learned how to select the right woman online and reel her in with some
    of the best lines ever. Now it's time to get dirty.

    How you go about cybersex depends on several variables, including how
    much time participants can spend, how much privacy everyone has, and
    each person's individual preferences. Personally, I like bringing my
    partner *this close* to orgasm two or three times before we actually let
    it go(ewww!), and I like to spend a couple hours doing that.
    But that's just me.

    Assuming you want to give and get good cyber, keep the below tips in mind.

    Women like it when you include all the senses, especially smell and touch. Pay attention to her cues and you'll soon figure out whether she wants you to write about the vanilla scent of her hair or the ocean scent of her naughty bits. When both of you extend your story beyond basic actions, you can create a scene hot enough to keep you aroused even if you have to pause your lap action to type.

    Women, like men, use cyber to experiment with fantasies they might never try in real life. It's OK to ask her about those, especially if you've cybered with her before.

    Get dirty! Many women respond to words and phrases TechTV won't let me include in this article. My particular favorites are four-letter words that begin with C and F. Most women in adult chat rooms are not there to get flowers and kittens and they might even shock you with their language -- and their desires.

    Don't disappear halfway through. You wouldn't in real life, and you shouldn't in cybersex. If you think you will be interrupted, stick with flirting and save the cybersex for another day.

    Consider using a chat handle with some dignity. It ruins the mood for some women if they have to type "Oh, yes, BabyWhiskerDiddy, *gasp*!"

    Take your time. You could get off by yourself in 10 minutes or less, so why bother with cyber if that's your only goal? Cybersex is as much about the story the two (or three or four or...) of you invent as it is about masturbation. Hey, think of the grades you'd have earned in English class if all writing assignments were like this!

    Don't be self-conscious or worried about your spelling or writing. As long as you say what you're imagining, you'll do fine.

    The power of "mmmm"

    OK, those are the basics; now here's an advanced trick. Believe it or not, learning the word "mmmm" is essential to cybersex. Use it in the situations below.

    You can't think of anything to say but it's your turn to type.
    She says something so arousing you need to stop typing for a moment.
    She's in the middle of writing an elaborate setup and needs a response but not help from you.

    Another powerful technique: "a;kldfj;aj." No one expects you to type sensibly through an orgasm, but banging one hand on the keys lets her know that you're still with her, and what's more, that she's brought you to this moment. (Works both ways -- if she's suddenly screaming "AKL;DQADAJ BLK;JFDAKLJ;DF ;DFKJL;F" at you, you know you're da bomb.) By the way, avoid doing this.

    Be smart about online chat

    That's right. Here comes the disclaimer. You already know about not posting your address or phone number online, and not revealing your full name, and so on. But one not-so-obvious warning does apply to cybersex: Be aware of the potential for addiction and emotional trauma.

    Writing and sex are among the most intimate connections we can forge, and many real-world relationships have fallen apart because one or both parties fell in love over the Internet. It doesn't just happen to women. Men also fall hard and vow to leave their families to travel across the country to be with their one true love.

    I'm not going to pass any judgment or tell you what to do or not to do. I only want to say that it happens and you are not immune. Pay attention if you start avoiding work, family, and social obligations to be online in the hope she'll log on. Ditto if you start dreaming in scrolling text or instant messages.

    Happy cybering!

    and read this for a laugh
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    and as an aside...

    I think this whole concept is a waste of time for
    people who aren't obese and actually have a jaw.
    I mean really people... go to a bar, buy a girl a drink,
    and try to refrain from asking for her a/s/l.

  3. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 174
    Well, I would suggest you guys just stick to talking about the hair... she didn't like it too much when I said:

    "Biotch, yo cunt smell like DED FEESH!"
  4. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    I bet it was your gangsta lean that scared her off.
    I mean look at your blantant disregard for the letter 'a'.
    No self respecting lower would forget about the 'a'.

    ummm....... :idea:
  5. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    Haha .. I was about to post this, too.
  6. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    but you got farked!
  7. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 174
    did you just call me a 'lower'?

  8. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    Re: Re: Thanks you TechTVI for teaching me how to cyber

    Impossible that this line didn't work.

    You must have dropped it wrong.
  9. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    a lower..hahhhaah i call them "users"

    never heard "lower" used before...that's rich.
  10. StarzAbove

    StarzAbove Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 15, 2003 Messages: 7,133 Likes Received: 6
    I like TECH TV very HELPFUL
  11. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    techtv has helped me out a few times, but it's too centered at the newbie market...oh well, they need to know that shit, too....

    a lower, oh man...hahahaah
  12. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    that was a typo on the 'lower' but looking back... it seems to fit.