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Terrorist MONKEYS Now

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by KaBar2, Sep 19, 2004.

  1. KaBar2

    KaBar2 Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 27, 2003 Messages: 2,130 Likes Received: 66
    I read a story in the Houston Chronicle today, byline Patiala, India, where Indian authorities are maintaining a MONKEY PRISON. Apparently it is against Hindu religious principles to kill monkeys, because they may be living representatives of the Hindu "monkey-god" Hanuman. New Delhi and other Indian cities are overrun with hungry, mischievious monkeys who invade homes, steal food, bite people, destroy property and act aggressively. Since people cannot kill them, they often retreat inside their homes, keep the kids home from school and so forth. (I swear this is a true story.)

    Now they have a monkey jail, where they have ten monkeys in a cell about 15x15 and 12 feet high. The sign outside says "These monkeys have been caught from various cities of Punjab. They are notorious. Going near them is dangerous."

    The monkeys are captured using cages and tranquilizer dart guns. None of these monkeys have killed anyone, although there are cases of monkeys killing human children and attacking adult humans. The first inmate was captured at a vegetable market in the village of Sanam, where he was biting people as they shopped.

    One monkey stalked a housing development in the Jalandhar district, stealing schoolchildren's lunches and opening up water tanks where he drank the water, bathed and took a shit.

    "It only takes one bad monkey," said P.C. Atalia, the divisional wildlife officer in the Patiala district. "Rumors begin to spread from one house to another, and there is a panic. The way rumors heat up, you stop your kids from going to school, You lock all your doors."

    (What's next? Stockpiling food and water, arming oneself with an assault tranquilizer gun...)

    The jail smells. The cage is littered with peanut shells and black peas. Ten monkeys live there now, three new arrivals are in isolation "lock down." (Perhaps the squalid conditions are meant to serve as a deterent to monkey misbehavior...)

    This place angers people such as Maneka Gandhi, an animal rights activist who is also the daughter-in-law of former Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. She says bad monkeys can be rehabilitated, taught in sancturaries to live in groups and eventually be released into the forest. "You can't treat them the same way as humans, as bad and good," she said. "You can't just jail them."

    The newest inmate at Patiala, trapped in a cage on Monday, is called Ayurvedic College Monkey (the monkeys are named after where they were arrested.)

    On Sept. 7, a local newspaper ran a photograph of the monkey. The caption proclaimed "Team of forest and wildlife officials catching a hold of a terrorist monkey."

    (No word if he is affiliated with any organized simian criminal groups.)
  2. El Producto

    El Producto Senior Member

    Joined: May 6, 2004 Messages: 1,682 Likes Received: 0
    as the day breaks, embrace the mayhem that A.M creates...

    RED DEVIL New Jack

    Joined: Aug 27, 2004 Messages: 9 Likes Received: 0
    Monkeys are always a good time. They should dress them like humans and give them beer. Also, add in some midgets for a even spicier mix. Midgets and monkeys dress like humans, can't be wrong.
  4. Mr. Peanut

    Mr. Peanut Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 2, 2002 Messages: 3,033 Likes Received: 10
    monkey terrorists:lol:
    i wonder if they will be linked to iran.
  5. GamblersGrin

    GamblersGrin Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 24, 2003 Messages: 3,243 Likes Received: 16
  6. High Priest

    High Priest Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 1, 2002 Messages: 4,928 Likes Received: 4
    Oh yea, that makes total sense, you have got to make an example out of them. Otherwise, how will the other monkeys know that by sleeping, eating and shitting their a disruption to flow of traffic at the fruit and vegetable markets. Damn nature for being SO inconsiderate.
  7. Nekro

    Nekro Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 19, 2003 Messages: 2,568 Likes Received: 1
    Actually they were sent by the Rothschilds to create international mayhem, thus ensuring Jewish control over the earth.
  8. the_gooch

    the_gooch 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 15, 2002 Messages: 11,566 Likes Received: 431
    isn't a monkey jail just another name for a zoo?
  9. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    Sounds perfectly sane to me. Im sure there is plenty of shit that we do that seems just as stupid to them.
  10. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
    when i saw the thread title, i thought, Kabar's finally lost it. anyway it seems like it would be easier to take the monkeys to a remote area. or put them to work mining diamonds.
  11. EyeforAnEYE

    EyeforAnEYE Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 29, 2003 Messages: 4,199 Likes Received: 3
    I smell feces, and not just moneky feces
  12. StarzAbove

    StarzAbove Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 15, 2003 Messages: 7,134 Likes Received: 6
    Indeed it is cept the zoo makes $$$
  13. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    this was my initial thought as well.

    and i agree with what suburbian said. all cultures have funny shit that they do.
  14. phism

    phism Member

    Joined: Mar 20, 2002 Messages: 735 Likes Received: 0
    go monkeys, fuck people.
  15. why write?

    why write? Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 19, 2003 Messages: 5,859 Likes Received: 1
    thats what i wanna know