sweet rock and roll hangover...ROB

i wear it well....

Free Will Astrology

horoscopes for week of August 19, 2004

Aries (March 21-April 19)

"Get used to the fact that you're going to feel good about your life and bad about your life maybe eight times a day every day," advises healer Carolyn Myss, "and clear about your life and confused about your life 25 times a day. Your journey is to get to the point where you realize: 'Hey, this is just passing through me.'" While I personally think there's more to your journey than that, it's an excellent discipline that will serve you exceedingly well. And the coming weeks happen to be a perfect time, Aries, to improve your mastery of this subtle yet heroic art.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

There are no longer enough Catholic priests in North America to fulfill all the requests for divine intervention that are received from parishioners. The requests are therefore outsourced to churches in India, where up-and-coming young clergy pray over them at $5 a pop. It's too bad the powers-that-be apparently don't know about me and my team of Prayer Warriors, because we perform the same service absolutely free. To demonstrate our effectiveness, we plan to unleash a series of powerful prayers on your behalf. Specifically, we will beseech God to bless you in the coming weeks with cathartic pleasures that will permanently expand your capacity for happiness.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

"Most of us cannot imagine the wheat beyond the bread, or the farmer beyond the wheat, or the history beyond the farm," writes Wendell Berry in Resurgence magazine. "Most people cannot imagine the forest and the forest economy that produced their houses and furniture and paper; or the streams and the weather that fill their pitchers and bathtubs and swimming pools with water." In my astrological opinion, Gemini, you can't afford to be like the people that Berry describes. To give your life the ballast it will need in the coming weeks, you've got to have a vivid appreciation of all the good things that sustain you, as well as a more intimate understanding of their origins.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You haven't been singing and dancing and laughing and playing enough lately. You haven't been telling yourself jokes as you drop off to sleep or leaping off the couch during the exciting parts of your favorite TV shows or going ten miles out of your way to track down the exotic sensation you're in the mood for. Either get more serious about having fun, Cancerian, or I swear I'll show up in your dreams in the form of a giant crab running amok in a place where you take everything too seriously.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

I have nothing against Leo diva Jennifer Lopez, but I wouldn't normally recommend her as a role model for you. She's a bit chilly and remote and self-absorbed, whereas I always like to encourage you Leos to cultivate warmth and conviviality and generosity of spirit. But after seeing the magazine ad for Lopez's perfume, I'll make an exception. "In the eye of the storm," the text reads, "I am still Jennifer Lopez." Please adopt this for your own use in the coming week. Say to yourself ten times a day, "In the eye of the storm, I am still [your name here]."

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Some astrologers say that Virgos tend to be so obsessed with small details that they neglect to focus on the big picture; that they get so bound up in seeking perfection that they miss out on life's messy beauty and slightly flawed glories. But even if there is a grain of truth in those ideas, they've temporarily become irrelevant. In the coming weeks, you'll be drawn to carry out the task Henry Miller described as follows: "to keep the miracle alive, to live always in the miracle, to make the miracle more and more miraculous, to swear allegiance to nothing, but live only miraculously, think only miraculously."

Libra (September 23-October 22)

You may think you need a teacher or genie or rescuer, but I say you don't. I say that what you need most is to realize that right now you are your own best teacher and genie and rescuer. In my astrological opinion, you should drop any fantasies you have that there's someone out there who will save you or give you what you lack or reveal the secrets that will fix everything. For the foreseeable future, you won't get what you need until you're prepared to provide it entirely by yourself.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Are you Scorpios controlling manipulators? You can be, yes. But sometimes that's a good thing. Here's an example. When you have a leadership role in a group project, you may have to be a bit controlling and manipulative in order to keep other people's raging egos from sabotaging the goals of the project. In a case like that, however, you also have a great responsibility to monitor your own power drives. You've got to make sure you don't get so juiced up by the battle of wills that you end up sabotaging the goals of the project yourself. The whole point of being a benevolent manipulator is to serve the greater good, not your own selfish needs. These meditations will be crucial for you to keep in mind in the coming weeks.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Sagittarian poet Emily Dickinson had little interest in traditional religion. She referred to the Bible as "an antique volume written by faded men," and called the god worshiped by her conventional parents many unflattering names, including "The Eclipse." And yet, writes critic John Burt, "her poetry is charged with an anguished, naked, mystical confrontation with the divine." This is a perfect astrological time for you to shift towards a more Dickinsonian approach, Sagittarius. I dare you to renounce any dry, timid, safe, lifeless abstractions you might have about the Divine Wow, and instead seek out raw, sweet, wild, direct communion.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Here's one of the few mottoes it would be healthy for all of us to live by: Wash your brain once a month, whether you think it needs it or not. I hope you've faithfully followed that rule in recent months. If not, please do the job with extra vigor in the coming week. Scrub and dry-clean and disinfect your brain until it's purged of all shoddy theories, decrepit dogmas, and ill-fitting beliefs borrowed from people you no longer trust. It's especially important to do this now because you'll soon be in astrological phase when your capacity for expanding your worldview will be at a peak. To make yourself as receptive as possible to all the good ideas that will be ready to flow into your imagination, you need to clear out some space.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

Through a friend of a friend of a friend in the publishing business, I've caught wind of a mysterious manuscript that may soon be turned into a book. It's called I'm the Boss of My Underpants. My source was maddeningly vague about the subject matter, but it sounds like something I'd love you to get your hands on as soon as possible. In the coming weeks, you'll need to get crystal clear about who exactly is the boss of your underpants. You should also devote a lot of thought to defining the rules that will govern your underpants in the future, including the important issues of where and when and with whom you'll take them off.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

One of my specialties is trying to be tolerant of people who are intolerant of me. My motto is "I refuse to dehumanize anyone, even those who dehumanize me." I recommend that you practice this difficult art in the coming week, Pisces. You're in a phase when it's crucial to bolster your integrity, and playing nice with those who don't play nice would be great exercise. But there's another important reason to do this: Feeling even low levels of contempt and disdain would shut down your intuition. And that's something you can't afford as you come to a turning point in your work on the dark side of your life.

underpants.... gotcha.

if this was last weeks 'scope it would be way too relevant.

---------------Onion-----------ism

Aries: (March 21—April 19)

This week, it's more important than ever to remember Moscow Rule No. 7: Lull your opposition into a false sense of complacency.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)

Canadians are known the world over for their laid-back attitude, which makes it even stranger that thousands of them have barricaded you in your house.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)

Your tireless efforts have finally united America's workers, but it's less glorious than it sounds, given that you're the NFL's director of brand marketing.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)

You've finally run up against a problem your trusty meat cleaver can't solve, but that's why they make big wooden mallets.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)

An attempt to popularize the book-length homilies of Laura Ingalls Wilder will result in professional wrestling's strangest phase yet.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)

Your inability to keep a recent fascination with the rock group Kansas to yourself will result in the first recorded use of a ducking stool since 1848.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

When you finally come out of the coma, friends will cheer your decision to reveal your recipe for Polish Bacon Buns.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)

You won't exactly fade into obscurity after your death, considering that that's where you spent all of your life.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

When the aliens finally arrive, they'll be much less advanced than anyone expected, as evinced by your maiming under the bald tires of their out-of-control '79 Buick.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)

You'll be thrown into a panic when the doctor diagnoses you with ulnar nerve damage, until he explains that that's just funny-bone trouble.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)

Stephen Hawking will revise his controversial theory on black holes, leaving you stumped about that noisy thing in your sink that eats garbage.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)

The stars convey the wisdom that men and women are different, making you wonder momentarily if they might not just be giant fusion reactors after all.

Origins... seeking source. That happens to be what I'm doing. Tuning up my spiritual awareness.

Originally posted by mental invalid

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

 

Are you Scorpios controlling manipulators? You can be, yes. But sometimes that's a good thing. Here's an example. When you have a leadership role in a group project, you may have to be a bit controlling and manipulative in order to keep other people's raging egos from sabotaging the goals of the project. In a case like that, however, you also have a great responsibility to monitor your own power drives. You've got to make sure you don't get so juiced up by the battle of wills that you end up sabotaging the goals of the project yourself. The whole point of being a benevolent manipulator is to serve the greater good, not your own selfish needs. These meditations will be crucial for you to keep in mind in the coming weeks.

omg so fucking true. right now, some of the projects that i am working on are so messed up. i had to take initiative of the situation so it wouldnt get any more worst. oooo yea, the boss will be so friggin stressed out on monday when he comes back from vacation.

werd

To give your life the ballast it will need in the coming weeks, you've got to have a vivid appreciation of all the good things that sustain you, as well as a more intimate understanding of their origins.

heavy...

beards ill buzz you back tonite...i was busy last nite getting drunk and banging me head to burning brides....

ps...check out these upcoming two weeks at the village vangaurd:

bad plus

September 21 - September 26

brad mehldau

September 28 - October 03

ridiculous...

c: cause ........

c: i dunno i recorded a dimmu borgir video

c: bwaaaaaaaaaffffffffff

d: good

d: ive been downloading cradle of filth dvds

http://www.hellcouncil.com/wearedebris/internetdie.jpg'>

wonderful, i gotta do it myself, just great. . .

libra.

blah.

One was good and two are bad. this week is going to suck... if you believe in that sort of shit.

Haiku Horoscopes

Aries

(Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)

You have many good

Years ahead of you, as a

Fugitive, running

Taurus

(Apr. 20 - May 20)

Middle East conflicts

Will be resolved when all sides

Agree to blame you

Gemini

(May 21 - June 20)

Hundreds of years from

Now they’ll figure out why you

Chose to wear Speedos

Cancer

(June 21 - July 22)

Floral arranging

Has never been a manly

Sport, but times will change

Leo

(July 23 - Aug. 22)

The world awaits the

News of whether or not you

Got that apartment

Virgo

(Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Cutting out carbs? Why

Don’t you try my diet plan:

Cutting out your heart

Libra

(Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

If only you could

Have foreseen the pain that would

Come with castration

Scorpio

(Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

The crew is talking

Mutiny, since the treasure

Was a small child’s laugh

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Bad news: You’ll get bit

By a werewolf this week. The

Good news: You’re tasty

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

It is all going

To the dogs this week, since you

Named them in your will

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

You know what they say:

When in Rome, do not let on

That you hate Romans

Pisces

(Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)

Not everyone shares

Your sense of humour. Some folks

Think murder is wrong

You know what they say:

When in Rome, do not let on

That you hate Romans

that is too perfect... my motto for the week

Key3 you're one of the cool kids. A certain sexy new yorker and I are both of your persuasion...

Word...

Originally posted by mental invalid

i wear it well....

 

 

 

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

 

Through a friend of a friend of a friend in the publishing business, I've caught wind of a mysterious manuscript that may soon be turned into a book. It's called I'm the Boss of My Underpants. My source was maddeningly vague about the subject matter, but it sounds like something I'd love you to get your hands on as soon as possible. In the coming weeks, you'll need to get crystal clear about who exactly is the boss of your underpants. You should also devote a lot of thought to defining the rules that will govern your underpants in the future, including the important issues of where and when and with whom you'll take them off.

 

 

I really, really, really could have used this advice a couple months ago. :o