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:superthread: Funny Chats


Dirty_habiT

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Post you're funny chat sessions here.

Rules: like you'd follow them...pffffttt.

I'll start it off:

 

 

GODBLESSER: masturbate yourself to sleep while listening to bjork

xHonkYx: I dunno what it is either.

GODBLESSER: OEPA

GODBLESSER: OE

xHonkYx: nope.

xHonkYx: I don't like bjork.

GODBLESSER: OIEIEIEIEIEIEEI

xHonkYx: maybe, hole while do.

GODBLESSER: Shes a bitch

xHonkYx: hahahahah, pun intended.

 

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

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well lets see, the internet is a great mystery, hmmm theres these new fangled things online called search engines, try typing professor AIM 3 into one. Now if you need to know where to find a search engine, goto www.google.com and search for search engines...haha i love being a prick, honestly i forget the website i came across prof AIM and AIM+ it was a long bit ago, so you will have to go to a search engine.

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jim316 [12:57 AM]: how do i get a bigger penis?

GnmPns [12:57 AM]: : Hello if you would like an enlarged penis send this

Instant Message to as many people as you would like inches on your penis

GnmPns [12:58 AM]: Now that your done, we noticed you would like to recieve

no inches on your penis, thank you

 

jim316 [12:59 AM]: does this really work? because i am 34 years

old and my penis is only 4 and 6/8 inches long ? my wife is fine with it but

i would like some self esteem

GnmPns [12:59 AM]: no it dosent it is just a thing i do with my perverted

mind

jim316 [1:00 AM]: why thank you kind sir

GnmPns [1:00 AM]: no problem

GnmPns [1:00 AM]: My Penis Company has helped others

GnmPns [1:00 AM]: I help them by telling them that my junk is only 3/4 of

an inch long

GnmPns [1:00 AM]: It makes people like you feel better

jim316 [1:01 AM]: Really it does , i feel better already

GnmPns [1:01 AM]: Great!

GnmPns [1:01 AM]: Although i know your not 34 and your not married

jim316 [1:02 AM]: And how would you know this ?

GnmPns [1:02 AM]: because i do

jim316 [1:02 AM]: but how?

GnmPns [1:02 AM]: your 14-15

jim316 [1:02 AM]: yes, i wish.

jim316 [1:03 AM]: May i ask how old you are kind sir?

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Guest im not witty

A: i dont know when to start my clock

A: user A has signed off

B: hey wait shit, oh well now im done, your clock started at the last GO GO GO picture. that was funny.

 

 

 

-dont worry no one gets it

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Guest im not witty

what can i say. ive been beaten. (in more ways than one) hahah. thank you thank you ill be here all week, dont forget to tip your waitress.

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Geez, way to not make use of this thread people.

 

XMil0x (3:17:03 PM): > > b a b a

XMil0x (3:18:24 PM): "Reminder: AOL will never ask you for your password or billing information."

XMil0x (3:18:41 PM): hi, i work for aol, i need to know your password.

 

xHonkYx (3:19:17 PM): Um...mmm... it's "chiknPORNruelz123"

xHonkYx (3:19:25 PM): are you going to fix my account?

 

XMil0x (3:20:07 PM): only for a small fee... $$$$$$!!!!

XMil0x (3:20:18 PM): cha-ching!!!!

 

xHonkYx (3:20:34 PM): well, umm, why did you need to know my password?

 

XMil0x (3:21:13 PM): cause... uhhh.... i work for aol, ... yeah! thats it!

 

xHonkYx (3:22:29 PM): well WTF, what are you doing with my password?

 

XMil0x (3:23:17 PM): hey!!!, i ask the questions around here!!!

 

xHonkYx (3:23:50 PM): I'll hack you AOLMAN.'

xHonkYx (3:26:50 PM): You will succumb to my internet arsenal of warfare.... I call it my e-armada.

 

XMil0x (3:28:59 PM): dude, chill out...whats all this aolman crap??? its milo, remember???

XMil0x (3:29:33 PM): you don't have to get all AWOL on my ninjas and shit

 

xHonkYx (3:29:35 PM): fuck.... what was I thinking, I was about to unleash the e-beatdown version 5.0 beta on you.

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OneTueThree: yoyoyoyoyoyo what time is it

ALLAH KILLAH: 5:fifty thriznee

OneTueThree: oh youz bee in some other time zone

OneTueThree: its 7 in the morning here

ALLAH KILLAH: where you at?

OneTueThree: mass

OneTueThree: you

ALLAH KILLAH: TX

OneTueThree: you know tease?

ALLAH KILLAH: not personally, but yeah from the site

ALLAH KILLAH: what are you doing man, im bored as hell

OneTueThree: jerking off quit iming me dammit

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You have just entered room "Jewish Singles."

blonde64154 has entered the room.

ALLAH KILLAH: whassup all my hairy ass people

AmberRun204: why?

Storm5001: Hey!

Richboy113M has entered the room.

Storm5001: How r u doin allah?

Anguished Aura: I wouldn't know about the hairy people.

ALLAH KILLAH: im fine and you all

Anguished Aura: R U Hott, Allah?

Storm5001: I hope so! hehe

Anguished Aura: Back off Kelz, this one's mine.

Anguished Aura: ;-)

ALLAH KILLAH: im a guy

Storm5001: Oh, sorry! I guess I'll have to find my own man :-) hehe

Anguished Aura: What did you think I was?

Anguished Aura: 16/f/FL

ALLAH KILLAH: oh my bad, i thought yall were guys too

ALLAH KILLAH: 45/m.tx

swtheart3461 has entered the room.

swtheart3461: 19/f/cali, anyone wanna chat? click here for my pics :-)

Storm5001: No, you silly thang!

swtheart3461 has left the room.

Anguished Aura: Aw, you're pretty old to be actin so kute.

ALLAH KILLAH: im 45 years young

Anguished Aura: :-)

ALLAH KILLAH: some guy called me a kike last week

ALLAH KILLAH: what does that mean yo

Anguished Aura: A kike?

Anguished Aura: That's a racial slur for Jewish people.

Anguished Aura: Mean people.

Storm5001: Omg how meen!

Anguished Aura: :-(

Storm5001: I hate meen ppl!

Storm5001: Meen ppkl suck.

Storm5001: ppl* oopsies

psqwefpqvh has entered the room.

IRISHJOHN66 has entered the room.

psqwefpqvh: please clickhere for lesbian pics

psqwefpqvh: please clickhere for cumshot pics

ALLAH KILLAH: youll have to excuse me im behind in the times, did yall ever see that movie where these parents had a son, and the son had never been outside the house, so the son didnt know anything about the world except what he saw on t.v.

psqwefpqvh has left the room.

ALLAH KILLAH: that was based on me

IRISHJOHN66: HELLO

Anguished Aura: Oh really?

lezbian15900 has entered the room.

Anguished Aura: Wow you're like famous.

ALLAH KILLAH: yeah

Storm5001: Whoa!

ALLAH KILLAH: and all i got in my house was hood movies

ALLAH KILLAH: so i act kind of gansta

ALLAH KILLAH: ya heard

Storm5001: Kewl!

ALLAH KILLAH: so how do yall niggas feel about the U.S. iNvading iraq

Storm5001: o.o

Storm5001: What's Iraq, Chantel?

Anguished Aura: Iraq? Isn't that somewhere in Pakistan?

ALLAH KILLAH: they should put a nigga like me there, im quick with the glock

Storm5001: It's a place?

ALLAH KILLAH: its in the middle east

Storm5001: I thought it was that cheese with the blue stuff in it..

Storm5001: O well!

Anguished Aura: LOL!

Anguished Aura: You're so crazy Kelz.

ALLAH KILLAH: i dont get it

Storm5001: Hehe

ALLAH KILLAH: remember i never left my house till i was 39, and all i watched was hood movies

Storm5001: Wow

Storm5001: I'm leaving my house as soon as I'm 18.

ALLAH KILLAH: so what kind of gat's yall got

Storm5001: gats?

Storm5001: what r gats?

ALLAH KILLAH: no cuz, i mean i was in a bomb shelter till 39, i never set foot outside of it till 1996

ALLAH KILLAH: and all there was to do was watch hood movies ya heard

ALLAH KILLAH: gats=guns homie

ALLAH KILLAH: ehh, so whats new in the religeon ya heard, are we allowed to eat pork yet

Anguished Aura: Guns? R parents dont let us have guns.

Storm5001: How can u b 45 if u can't even talk?

ALLAH KILLAH: i told my moms straight up, bitch let me keep a gun in the house

ALLAH KILLAH: she said aiight killah

ALLAH KILLAH: what?!, i can talk

ALLAH KILLAH: as i said, ive never been to school before, because my ass was in a fucking bomb shelter till 1996

Anguished Aura has left the room.

ALLAH KILLAH: so are we allowed to dine on swine yet

Storm5001: So how can U werk the computor?

ALLAH KILLAH: my pops showed me 1997

ALLAH KILLAH: then he died in an unfortunate case of ghannorea

ALLAH KILLAH: shit was hard

ALLAH KILLAH: ya heard meh?

ALLAH KILLAH: ehhh, do we still have to wear them shitty caps on the back half of our head?

bradm1701 has entered the room.

ALLAH KILLAH: yo, my pops used to beat the shit out of me, in that bomb shelter when i wouldnt suck him off, are there new laws against that sort of thing nowadays?

ALLAH KILLAH: whats wrong with yall?

ALLAH KILLAH: where yall at

PsychoRouge88: hey any ladies wanna see a hot nude self pic of an 18/m press 555 or im me

ALLAH KILLAH: hey have yall ever thought about turning gay, but your parents would beat yo ass?

ALLAH KILLAH: ohh me either yo, yo i was checking...

Flybiker13 has entered the room.

Flybiker13: BURN IN HELL JEWS

Flybiker13 has left the room.

ALLAH KILLAH: HAHAHHAAA, MOTHER FUCKER SAID BURN IN HELL JEWS

ALLAH KILLAH: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

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*yawn* some of you already saw this, but most of ya'll are boring me, so I'll repost.... c'mon, post dialogues!

 

xHonkYx (3:14:45 AM): How would I get there and back?

xHonkYx (3:14:47 AM): Gomer.

XMil0x (3:15:07 AM): thats not my department let me transfer you...

XMil0x (3:15:35 AM): this is transportation speaking, how may i help you??

xHonkYx (3:15:53 AM): Umm, yes, I need the operator...

XMil0x (3:16:07 AM): hang on...

XMil0x (3:16:17 AM): operator...

XMil0x (3:16:33 AM): hello....

xHonkYx (3:16:35 AM): Um, yes, what's your home phone number and address....

xHonkYx (3:17:04 AM): I'm calling to inform you that you've won a free Instant Message from "xHonkYx", to receive your instant message, look at the screen now.

XMil0x (3:17:21 AM): thats not my department, let me transfer you...

XMil0x (3:17:57 AM): addresses and #'s here, how may i help you???

xHonkYx (3:18:06 AM): Hi!

xHonkYx (3:18:08 AM): Congradulations, I'm calling to inform you that you've won a free Instant Message from "xHonkYx", to receive your instant message, look at the screen now.

XMil0x (3:18:41 AM): I WON!!!!! I WON!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Super long, but my best ever... spaced for ease of reading

 

You can skip to where it says HERE'S WHER IT GETS GOOD, but you'll miss the intro:

 

 

 

 

 

supachicasassy: como estas?

supachicasassy: me llamo amanda

 

Mamerroid: La mas bien...

Mamerroid: Perdona, LO mas bien

 

supachicasassy: do you speak english?

 

Mamerroid: Absolutely.

Mamerroid: I take it you too

 

supachicasassy: ok,well,i know little spanish

supachicasassy: asl

 

Mamerroid: I know a lottle of everything

Mamerroid: As a matter of fact, Im just learning esperanto

Mamerroid: lsd?

Mamerroid: No thanks.

Mamerroid: Hippie.

 

supachicasassy: wat?

supachicasassy: 13/f/fl

supachicasassy: you???

 

Mamerroid: Hippie is a word in esperanto

 

supachicasassy: and wat does it mean

 

Mamerroid: 5/h/HT

Mamerroid: It means "He who fears snakes and treads unevenly when in sight of one"

Mamerroid: Not very often used

 

supachicasassy: i see

 

Mamerroid: I have no idea why they taght me that

 

supachicasassy: how old are you???

 

Mamerroid: 5

Mamerroid: In esperanto years

Mamerroid: Im much older

Mamerroid: Im just really getting into this esperanto thing, it makes life much easier

 

supachicasassy: how old are you in america

supachicasassy: ???

 

Mamerroid: It's wavering

 

supachicasassy: so

 

Mamerroid: My guess is between 15-20 years old

Mamerroid: I was adopted

Mamerroid: And my papers were lost

 

supachicasassy: im sorry

 

Mamerroid: Im in high school, in the sophomore grade

Mamerroid: But there's always been uncertainty, that's why I picked up the whole epseranto thing, it gives me a specific age

 

supachicasassy: then between 15-16 then

 

Mamerroid: Probably

 

supachicasassy: you got a pic of yourself

supachicasassy: ???

supachicasassy: (she posts one of those retarded girl icons shaking ass)

supachicasassy: lol

 

Mamerroid: I got tons, meaning to get them scanned, but the AC adapter's transmission coupling on my scanner is a bit messed up and all I can scan is pictures of my dad

Mamerroid: everything else comes up as static

Mamerroid: SHAKE DAT ASS

 

supachicasassy: wat nationality are you???

 

Mamerroid: Half puertorrican, half uruguayan

 

supachicasassy: your probably hot then

 

Mamerroid: Puertoruguayon

 

supachicasassy: lol

 

Mamerroid: Only on tuesdays and several specific holidays

 

supachicasassy: wat???

 

Mamerroid: just a sec brb

Mamerroid: holy shit

 

supachicasassy: wat???

 

 

 

HERE'S WHERE IT GETS GOOD.

 

 

 

Mamerroid: the freaking kitchen sink just fucking exploded

Mamerroid: there's water everywhere

 

supachicasassy: omg!!!

 

Mamerroid: Thank god I have over 30 towels lemme spread them out dont go

 

supachicasassy: ok

supachicasassy: are there parts of the kitchen sink everywhere???

 

Mamerroid: shit out of towels

Mamerroid: but I think we got it under control

Mamerroid: yeah, its everywhere...

Mamerroid: some of it hit me in the face

 

supachicasassy: that fucking sucks

supachicasassy: metal or porcelan

 

Mamerroid: im bleeding a little but not too much

 

supachicasassy: you ok???

 

Mamerroid: It's made of polonium, this crazy metal that changes colors when you put water in it

Mamerroid: well, it WAS made of polonium

Mamerroid: Now its made of exploded sink

 

supachicasassy: lol!!!

 

Mamerroid: My face is made of exploded sink now

Mamerroid: my tooth hurts

 

supachicasassy: are you alright???

 

Mamerroid: im not sure, I think I am

Mamerroid: feeling a little dizzy, but generally koo

Mamerroid: it was just too fucking crazy

Mamerroid: shit, i got blood on the keyboard

 

supachicasassy: thats not too good

 

Mamerroid: ts just a lttle nck ts ok

Mamerroid: fuck now one of my letters snt workng

Mamerroid: the letter between the u and the o

 

supachicasassy: um,what country do you live in

 

Mamerroid: rght now Y lve n the US

 

supachicasassy: state?

 

Mamerroid: lemme see f Y can fx ths thng

Mamerroid: Ydahoe

Mamerroid: FUCK

 

supachicasassy: now what???

 

Mamerroid: Y thnk Y fucked up the 1ne next to yt

Mamerroid: next t0 the p

Mamerroid: Yll just use 0 and y

 

supachicasassy: ok

 

Mamerroid: ys that 0k wth y0u?

 

supachicasassy: sure

supachicasassy: sho me a pic of you

 

Mamerroid: where d0 y0u lyve?

 

supachicasassy: florida

 

Mamerroid: y t0ld y0u, scanners busted

Mamerroid: lemme see yf y have s0methyng ar0und here

Mamerroid: y g0t 0ne 0f me when y was yn 2nd grade

Mamerroid: yts hylaryous

Mamerroid: wanna see?

 

supachicasassy: sure!!!1

 

Mamerroid: pr0myse n0t t0 laugh

 

Mamerroid: y have thys thyng wyth pe0ple wh0 laugh at mee

Mamerroid: y get really angry

Mamerroid: anyways

 

supachicasassy: how would you know if i were laughing or not

 

Mamerroid: y0u w0uld say L0L0LR0FLMA0L0LLLL

 

supachicasassy: i wont laugh

 

Mamerroid: yf y0u fynd yt funny, just say "Yts blyng t0 the max son"

Mamerroid: that way y d0nt care

 

supachicasassy: jus send it

 

Mamerroid: http://newcamp.net/hector/images/manuel.jpg'> (actual picture of my little brother)

 

supachicasassy: ok,im o never mind

 

Mamerroid: i had t0 pee really bad

Mamerroid: FUCK YES

 

supachicasassy: nice

 

Mamerroid: MY I IS WORKING

Mamerroid: Awes0me

Mamerroid: shit, the sink is still fucked up and water keeps getting everywhere

 

supachicasassy: lets get the o

supachicasassy: to work

 

Mamerroid: what sh0uld i d0?

Mamerroid: maybe wash it with s0me water

 

supachicasassy: call out the plummer

 

Mamerroid: g00d idea brb

 

Mamerroid: plummers are g0ds in disguise, i d0nt deal with them

Mamerroid: brb

 

supachicasassy: you there???

 

Mamerroid: back

 

supachicasassy: ok

 

Mamerroid: alright i g0t water and s0ap

Mamerroid: y0u think itll w0rk?

 

supachicasassy: wat will work????

 

Mamerroid: cleaning the letter that d0esnt w0rk

Mamerroid: maybe i sh0uld spit 0n it first

 

supachicasassy: that might make it worse,but dont let me be a bitch and rule you

 

Mamerroid: first i need t0 deactivate the keyb0ards 0ffset c0axial valve s0 it d0esnt g0 up in flames

 

supachicasassy: dont leave me

 

Mamerroid: n0perz

Mamerroid: just a sec

 

supachicasassy: but

supachicasassy: brb

 

Mamerroid: Alright I fixed it!!!

Mamerroid: Look!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOO

Mamerroid: FUCKING WHAT SON

 

supachicasassy: ok...

supachicasassy: son???

 

Mamerroid: Awesome, this stuff worked

Mamerroid: Im back to business again

 

supachicasassy: ok

 

Mamerroid: theres a huge mess of soap npon thos thyng the keys asre a bit slippoery

 

Mamerroid: OH NO

 

supachicasassy: now wat

supachicasassy: ???

 

Mamerroid: this is ridiculous

 

supachicasassy: wat happened

 

Mamerroid: the explodng sink broke a bottle of tabasco sauce, and it made the water all red... and its crawling up my wallpaper cuz its getting absorbed by it

Mamerroid: its making the air spicy

 

supachicasassy: does it smell good

 

Mamerroid: it smells like videotapes

Mamerroid: and sulfur

Mamerroid: but I dont mind it

 

supachicasassy: ewww

 

Mamerroid: I told my roomates it was a bad idea to put the computer in the kitchen

 

supachicasassy: do you have any recent pics of you???

 

Mamerroid: shit, the walls are all red now this is gonna cost me a bundle

Mamerroid: i might have to sell all my gold chains

Mamerroid: maybe im still looking for one on my hard drive

 

supachicasassy: really

supachicasassy: your being a show off arent you

 

Mamerroid: no, i inherited them from my grandfather RIP

Mamerroid: he was a gold chain attribulaizer he had mad bling

 

supachicasassy: really

Mamerroid: yeah i dont like gold chains though i use them to make my speakers louder

 

supachicasassy: huh??/

 

Mamerroid: yeah, its fucking crazy, nobody knows about it

Mamerroid: you know gold conducts electricity real well, right

 

supachicasassy: i didnt know that

 

Mamerroid:Instead of connecting the wires from your stereo to your speakers, you connect them to gold chains, and then connect gold chains to your speakers. you get much better reception

 

supachicasassy: sounds a little dangerous

Mamerroid: up to 50,000 kbphz of flawless sound

Mamerroid: Not really, if you cover the chains with black tape its ok

Mamerroid: goddamn the wallpaper has soaked the shit out of the water

 

supachicasassy: wats your gpa(grade point average)

 

Mamerroid: 34.b12

Mamerroid: Not even kidding

Mamerroid: i bust my ass at school

 

supachicasassy: mine WAS 3.67

supachicasassy: dont no now

 

Mamerroid: what happend ? what is it now?

 

supachicasassy: dont know,in my county,we already went back to school

supachicasassy: damn bush

 

Mamerroid: ooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Mamerroid: what the fuck was that

Mamerroid: shit my ioooooi keyooboard is actingooooiiii up

Mamerroid: ooioeioioioiiiiooooooohowiiiidoI makeoooiiitit stoppoooooo

 

supachicasassy: the president made 2 countys in florida go back to school early

 

Mamerroid: alright it stopped i thinl

Mamerroid: that crazy motherfucker

Mamerroid: he punches kids, i just know it

 

supachicasassy: who

 

Mamerroid: the president

Mamerroid: I heard he used to be president of NAMBLA

 

supachicasassy: what country is that?

 

Mamerroid: not a country, its an association

Mamerroid: I forgot what it stood for

 

supachicasassy: ooooooowwwwww

 

Mamerroid: you can probably look it up online

Mamerroid: what happened?

 

supachicasassy: i <3 camron

supachicasassy: he's fine

 

Mamerroid: holy crap the red has gotten all the way to my ceiling and its being absorbed by the ceiling foam

Mamerroid: if you say so I dont roll that way LOLLOLLOROFLLLMGO!!!!@!!

 

supachicasassy: im a girl

 

Mamerroid: im a template

 

supachicasassy: what???

 

Mamerroid: Bush is a grazy dog

Mamerroid: haha, i mean crazy

 

supachicasassy: template???

 

Mamerroid: Template?

Mamerroid: Oh, haha, sorry

Mamerroid: I accidentaly copy/pasted I was talkingiiiiiiooooooooooioiiiioooo shit

Mamerroid: This keyboard is fucked

 

supachicasassy: and im supposed to like boys right???

 

Mamerroid: anywas I was talking about templates on an email, and how they indulge so much

Mamerroid: but i digress

Mamerroid: I sure hope you like boys

Mamerroid: WTF

 

supachicasassy: and this BOY i like,his name is camron,and he is mmm,mmm good!!!!

 

Mamerroid: THE CEILING IS DRIPPING

Mamerroid: IM GETTING FUCKING TABASCO SAUCE ALL OVER MY SHIT

Mamerroid: FUCK fuck i gotta cover the computeeiiiiiiiiooooorooiiiiiir

Mamerroid: iiiiOOOOOOIIiioIOoi

 

supachicasassy: gotta towel

 

Mamerroid: no i used them allioiiiopooo up

 

supachicasassy: or pin up a blanket to the ceiing

 

Mamerroid: JESUS CHRIST ITS RAINING BLOOD HERE

Mamerroid: I gotta goo bye nice takjijkjiIIIPOOoOoOOOOOO

Mamerroid: gotta fix this before it explodes

Mamerroid: ooooioiooooo

Mamerroid: peanuts

 

supachicasassy: talk later???

 

Mamerroid: maybe

Mamerroid: if it dont fuck things up with this siiiiiink

Mamerroid: shit is straight illin, nigguz

 

supachicasassy: wat????

 

User Mamerroid has logged off.

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