Story Time

Drop any random funny memories or storys you have. I love telling stories so I'm going to tell a bunch, even if you think they aint funny.

Hmm.

So one time I got this kid to throw shit all over a girl. We were at some basketball court and there was some like 5th grade girl running around being a loud mouth. My friend asked me for a cigarette. I saw a bag of dog shit on the ground so I said "I'll give you 2 if you throw that at the girl." So he did but it just hit her and fell to the ground. I told him I would give him 2 more if he made it splatter. He rolled up to that shit pitcher style and splattered shit all over this girls back. She was wearing a one piece bathing suit also, so the shit was full skin contact. She sat on a bench crying for about 15 minutes then left. It was great.

One time in the summer I picked up a Pepsi Blue off the ground. Only this motherfucker was ROCK-SOLID. I shook it up a little more and figured it would blow up in the street nicely. I shake the fuck out of it and launch it into a main road. It smacks the ground and shoots left probably 15 feet in the air looking like a fucking torpedo. There is a couple little stores out front of where I threw it. So it goes from the street, left, and into a parking lot out front of a laundry mat, landing in a car with its fucking TOP DOWN. It spun around in circles in the car slaughtering some college books, leather seats and everything. I was shitting my pants because I couldn't believe it was possible.

So when I was younger I used to hang out with this kid Drew. He was a crazy bastard. We hung out with another kid Bryan and all we did was fuck with him. One time we all pissed in a 20oz bottle and Drew poured it on Bryan's head, drenching him. Another time we came across a bottle of Police Issued Pepper Spray. Drew tackled this kid Chris and sprayed almost the full bottle in his face. He had some 3rd degree burns.

I'll drop some more later.

I remember during 8th grade (let's see that would be 1996) our school took a little mini-field trip to Venice Beach... well we were walking down the boardwalk and there's this Irish/Scottish kid everyone used to pick on named Peter O'Connell in our class... He had a high-pitched voice, was extremely fat, had the face and ears of a mouse, and had the intelligence of a bag of popcorn. A weird character. Actually I was never one of those "bullies" in school, but I guess you can say I did my small share of bullying as well as my small share of getting bullied. I was smack in the middle but never in either category. Well anyways he had been notorious for not being able to control his bowel movements. While we were walking down the boardwalk he stopped suddenly, legs clenched together as he turned beet-red and had the look of intense pain and constipation on his face. We turned and started laughing as we immediatley knew what was up. "HAHAHAHA!! You gotta take a shit!!!" we screamed. "No I don't!". The boy was a fool. And a horrible liar. We ran over there and started pushing his stomach to make him shit on himself and eventually the smell hit us. Then we ran off laughing as he stood there crying. Actually if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have done it. There were many times that I befriended him though. So that kinda helps make up for it. Felt sorry for the kid.

i ate wine and lunchables once

i ate a milkshake and a ranch dressing sandwich.

i ate jelly and ice cubes together

just like to give a big shout out to all the women out there who wear the convertible kaleidoscope cotton swabs and porcupine hot dog waxing utencils.

Originally posted by GucciCondom

Drop any random funny memories or storys you have. I love telling stories so I'm going to tell a bunch, even if you think they aint funny.

 

Hmm.

 

So one time I got this kid to throw shit all over a girl. We were at some basketball court and there was some like 5th grade girl running around being a loud mouth. My friend asked me for a cigarette. I saw a bag of dog shit on the ground so I said "I'll give you 2 if you throw that at the girl." So he did but it just hit her and fell to the ground. I told him I would give him 2 more if he made it splatter. He rolled up to that shit pitcher style and splattered shit all over this girls back. She was wearing a one piece bathing suit also, so the shit was full skin contact. She sat on a bench crying for about 15 minutes then left. It was great.

 

 

One time in the summer I picked up a Pepsi Blue off the ground. Only this motherfucker was ROCK-SOLID. I shook it up a little more and figured it would blow up in the street nicely. I shake the fuck out of it and launch it into a main road. It smacks the ground and shoots left probably 15 feet in the air looking like a fucking torpedo. There is a couple little stores out front of where I threw it. So it goes from the street, left, and into a parking lot out front of a laundry mat, landing in a car with its fucking TOP DOWN. It spun around in circles in the car slaughtering some college books, leather seats and everything. I was shitting my pants because I couldn't believe it was possible.

 

 

So when I was younger I used to hang out with this kid Drew. He was a crazy bastard. We hung out with another kid Bryan and all we did was fuck with him. One time we all pissed in a 20oz bottle and Drew poured it on Bryan's head, drenching him. Another time we came across a bottle of Police Issued Pepper Spray. Drew tackled this kid Chris and sprayed almost the full bottle in his face. He had some 3rd degree burns.

 

I'll drop some more later.

i think i would want to be on your good side

i remember one time back when i was in the 2nd grade, we were playing basebal in our courtyard and i fuckin fell into a shit load of broken glass.....in the end it was koo because i transferred and we sued the schoo for not cleanin that shit up......now i'm stuck with a few scars on my arm.....but im paid......

drunken pukey stories are always good, here's one of mine:

the tale takes place in the garden tavern, near penn station on 8th ave, NYC. Sitting in a booth is my friend Vers, his girl, his girls friend Dani, and myself. we are ABSOLUTELY SHITHOUSE KRUNK.

Vers' girl has had one too many beers and proceeds to discreetly vomit into a pint glass. she is tucked inside the booth, and only her man notices. i guess it was more like one of those mini burp-pukes, she filled about half the pint glass.

Like i said, i didn't see this, and neither did Dani. so the pitcher's empty. Dani is thirsty. Dani slowly reaches for Vers' girls' puke beer. Vers starts laughing. His girl is fucking wasted, i don't even know if she knew what was going on. i'm innocent, i didn't have a fucking clue.

Dani takes a sip. Vers is laughing his ass off. Dani notices that there is something not quite right about her brewski. slowly, it sinks in. Vers stops laughing when Dani throws a glass full of his girlfriends vomit into his face.

good times... :D