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So, I shat fire tonight

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by sarcasm, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. sarcasm

    sarcasm Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Messages: 3,352 Likes Received: 35
    So, as the title suggests, this thread is about a moment I had while taking a dump.

    To give a little background, I came home from school feeling pretty tired and hungry (the usual after a day of lectures and driving). I rest for a bit when I get home, and decide to cook myself something to eat. I decide on some ramen noodles because it's fast and derrricious. Now, the ramen I chose to make isn't the fake americanized beef w/ cheese flavored shit. I pull out the spicy, but oh-so-good korean ramen known as Shin Ramen- Shin meaning spicy to those who don't know.

    A visual if you will:

    (If you like spicy, and ramen noodles, this is heaven for you.)

    Going along, I cook my noodles and eat it. I'm feeling pretty satisfied besides the fact that I need a nap. So after eating, it's time for me to put myself to sleep.

    I sleep for a little while, and get freshened up to get some studying done. I proceed to my girlfriend's house to pick up her school parking permit, so I can go study at the school's library (I don't go to my school because it's 35 miles away, and fuck that). So I go over, say hi, get the permit and bounce. At this moment, my stomach is feeling pretty nasty.

    I proceed to drive off, and find myself having the urge to explode a hole in my pants, if I don't get to a bathroom ASAP. There's a Burger King across the street from where she lives, so I head over. Now, I know some of you hate taking shits in public bathrooms, but when nature calls, you better get your ass to a toilet unless you want shit stained chones.

    I make it to the bathroom, and commence taking a dump. Now thinking back a couple of hours to when I ate the Shin Ramen, my shit isn't looking to good. I'll leave your imagination up to you. Here's a hint, think hot and spicy.

    Anywho, I'm taking my shit right, and I just start looking around. I notice that there's smoke in the bathroom stall. So at that point I'm like what the hell, and notice that there is lots smoke comming out from the botton back of the toilet where it meets the tile floor. At that moment, I"m freaking out, thinking that a backdraft effect of fire is going to consume my ass and explode. I try to whipe as quickly as I can, but you know it's taking me a while b/c my shit isn't just an ordinary shit- again use your imagination. So I'm whiping and whiping and all the meanwhile laughing b/c I'm thinking to myself "I just shat fire, it's going to make this fucking place burn down." So I whipe, and flush- all the meanwhile in a "protect your face and turn your body in embracing mode" just in case a shit explosion occurs from flushing.

    I flush, and jump out of the stall where a customer is washing his hands. I point out to him that there's smoke comming from the toilet, and he just replies "I don't work here" in a cracked out manner. He assures me that he'll tell one of the employees on his way out. So I"m in there washing my hands, and an employee comes in. I tell him "yo, the toilet is smoking" and he's says "nah, it's you who's smoking in here." I then point him to the toilet, where it is still smoking, and he gives me a reassuring "oh shit."

    He goes tells his manager, and I bounce. I wonder if they had to call the fire department. Anywho, I'm writing this b/c I think it's funny, and if you don't, you can go tell some1 who cares. I shat fire today. And hopefully it's the last time it'll happen.

  2. Big Bruno

    Big Bruno Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2001 Messages: 2,472 Likes Received: 70
    'Shat' is an awesome word.
  3. stevefrench

    stevefrench Member

    Joined: Sep 25, 2005 Messages: 590 Likes Received: 39
    ramen noodles are the shit
  4. Pfffffffffft

    Pfffffffffft Moderator Crew

    Joined: Feb 16, 2004 Messages: 15,347 Likes Received: 683
  5. Harvey Wallbanger

    Harvey Wallbanger Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Oct 13, 2004 Messages: 8,567 Likes Received: 401

    "I shit hot fire"

    *That was supposed to be a picture of Dylan Dillinger... I kind of suck at the internet.
  6. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 13,021 Likes Received: 536
    i love those noodles too and yes they will burn a hole in your pants
  7. deterrent

    deterrent Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 20, 2004 Messages: 5,181 Likes Received: 43
    Usally buffolow wings and tons of spiced rum will do a number on me. But the
    worse ever was when I was 17. I had a soulfood dinner with my friends' black
    step father he made some hotlinks and we drank buds. 12 hours later I had
    a 45 minutes poop where my butt checks could not touch each other.
  8. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 13,021 Likes Received: 536
  9. Jack McCoy

    Jack McCoy Member

    Joined: Jan 31, 2005 Messages: 391 Likes Received: 0
    One time at hot lunch in school they had hot dogs with onions. For the onions they tried to recreate the red onions that you get at the hotdog stand, so they had like steamed them or something in this red sauce. For some reason though, they hadn't diced them properly and the pieces were really long. Then I was on the toilet and my anus was burning like I've never felt before. I put my hand up to my anus and felt the tip of something that I thought was a worm or something. So I was really freaking out and got a grip on it with my thumb and forefinger and pulled. It was an entire strip of onion like 4 inches long, I ended up pulling like 5 more out, and they all stung crazily.
  10. gasfacevictm

    gasfacevictm 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jul 29, 2003 Messages: 10,415 Likes Received: 707
    indian food makes me sweat like ben stiller in along came polly.
  11. ODS-1

    ODS-1 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 21, 2003 Messages: 3,575 Likes Received: 0
    :yuck: I'm not going to be able to eat for days after that. That's just fucking gross. You ruined my thanksgiving you fucko. :shook:
  12. gasfacevictm

    gasfacevictm 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jul 29, 2003 Messages: 10,415 Likes Received: 707
    seriously, i didn't read that until the last post but what the fuck?
    you couldn't push it out like a turd?
    you had onion tapeworms.
  13. Jack McCoy

    Jack McCoy Member

    Joined: Jan 31, 2005 Messages: 391 Likes Received: 0
    exactly, i thought they were tapeworms until i got the first one out and saw it was a long onion piece!
  14. GEEB

    GEEB Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 6, 2004 Messages: 1,803 Likes Received: 44
    chew ya food son!
  15. Jack McCoy

    Jack McCoy Member

    Joined: Jan 31, 2005 Messages: 391 Likes Received: 0
    It was 7th grade right, which was like 1990... I guess I just inhaled them!