So I bought tickets to Burning Man 2005 (and fronted on making a picture thread)

...or from becoming a huge fucking hippie, whichever comes first.

I spazzed the fuck out. I needed a solid break from normal life in general, and I thought the best way to do that was to go camp out for a week in a 100+ degree Nevada desert with 25,000 maniacs (roughly 15,000 more than a certain shitty band) while I apply glitter paste to my balls and run around naked with a harpoon that shoots fire spears at babies. I may also convert to satanism and gather up a harem of filthy wenches.

Has anybody here ever gone? If so, did you die? What the hell is it like? The Burning Man site has a lot of helpful tips such as "Drink a lot of water", "Wear rubbers", and "Don't get run over by your own moving installation (one dude actually died like this)", but I'd like to hear some firsthand or maybe secondhand accounts from people I pseudoknow. One of you crazy fucks must have gone before, or at least know someone who has (maybe some of you are going this year). I'm expecting a whole bunch of people making both shitty and awesome art, being aggresively naked, and doing a lot of substances normally reserved for insulating homes during the wintertime. There's no buying/selling allowed, so I have to come up with some form of currency to trade with if I am to partake in some activities. Any ideas, hints, and/or experiences are very much appreciated.

This year's theme is "Psyche: the Conscious, the Subconscious and the Unconscious", which obviously means absolutely nothing at all, besides "generally weird shit". Here's a completely random assortment of installations and events this year:

LifeSize Mousetrap

by Mark Perez

The Mousetrap is a fantastically hand crafted, 16 piece, 50,000-lb. interactive kinetic sculpture set atop a 6,500-square-foot, 2,000-lb game board .This giant Rube Goldberg style contraption comes complete with a vaudeville-style carnival show, original musical score, can-can dancers, acrobatic hijinx, and other spectacularly scripted scenarios dedicated to the bending of reality.

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Project CEREBRO

by Justin Wagner and XEFX Productions

A high power argon laser, the Eye of Cerebro, stretches over the playa, guiding participants to this venture into the trinity of the soul. Cerebro, a 10’ Tesla coil producing over a million volts of lightening, strikes Lucidious, its servant. With the sword of light, the black spear, and fluorescent tubes, and with the help of the servants of flame, Lucidious drives away negative forces, removing the illusions of this earth to reveal the grand truth that lies within you.

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Dreamer

by Pepe Ozan of San Francisco, CA

The Dreamer is a hyper-realistic face, half submerged in the playa, that reminds us of Magritte and other surrealists who attempted to represent the world of the mind. The interior will serve as a chamber of ceremonies, with a fire pit and a chimney at the center of the space.

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Headspace

by Michael Matteo and the MatteoVision Team of Los Angeles, CA

"The face and voice of the citizens of Black Rock City" HeadSpace is an interactive audiovisual installation which comes to life at dusk. A video projector, camera and microphone booth stationed 20’ away from this giant head project the image of the participant's face and voice onto it. This live projected image appears to be three-dimensional from all angles around the sculpture, and the 10’ tall projected “face” seems to float in space above the playa. All who wish to have their dreams, confessions, announcements, stories, jokes, poetry, performance, or songs heard are welcome.

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Advice from a Caterpillar

by Emma Hardy

This project is a larger than life opportunity to receive some advice from an enormous, colorful, hookah-smoking caterpillar. While sitting upon their own mushroom, the participant has the freedom to select thematic offerings from the caterpillar via colorful buttons within the numerous mushrooms scattered over the display. The advice will be in various forms and themes including words of wisdom from Dr. Seuss, mixed tunes/vocals, and the spoken word. The caterpillar and mushrooms will be enhanced with fiber optic lights plus blacklight highlights.

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Get Married by a Whore

Please stop by and see Robert. Marry your partner(s) in a sacred ceremony honoring the god/goddess in each of us. Legal marriages require NV licensing, playa wedding require pure heart love. Come celebrate with us.

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Oral Sex Tuesday

3rd annual! Today's the day to show you're appreciation for those who live to go down...offer your oral talents to those who deserve it most or better yet, offer yourself as a sensual recipient and give the gift that gives back to you. Remember: it is better to give than receive.

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Morning Coffee Enema

Enemas have been a part of human history for thousands of years. Drop by and have a cup of coffee with us. The Best Part of waking up is coffee up your butt. Explore the sensuality and Heal this most over-looked and under-rated Chakra (Power Center). Look for us on Uranus @ 9:00

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Chicken Dance / Animal Mind Reprogramming

Attention all you pigs and dogs!

The Black-Rock Animul Resurch Farm (BARF) needs YOU to volunteer your body to science every day from 5-7pm for animal test-subject happy-hour reprogramming.

At BARF we conduct research to better understand cross-breeding and reprogramming for the triggers to the Chicken Dance in all Playa native species. Our farmer-scientists will facilitate the experiments by providing the most effective mind-altering potions. All Playa fauna will be experimented on, particularly stray and unwanted animals, in order to adjust their behavioral patterns and culminate on a nightly Chicken Dance at 7pm. We are working on concoctions derived from home-made factories from deep in the bayou to create the most effective brain-washing, Chicken Dance inducing potions. Kittens welcome!

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Absinth production and happy hour

Come see it made, try some out, and hang out. Fresh absinth at the autsub bar!

Green Faeries (or generally green folk) encouraged.

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The Tron Project

Join us for a freakout improvisational audiovisual remix of the first (and best) visual representation of cyberspace.

It's gonna be pretty insane. My plans so far are to arrive in Dallas on the 26th of August, meet up with my old pal from college Douggie Fresh, and get irresponsibly drunk on the day we're supposed to buy supplies and plan out the whole thing. Then it's a 3-day roadtrip up northwest, possibly with a stop in Vegas (never been there either), until we get to the Nevada desert and the gates of Black Rock City. Then we'll go fucking nuts for a week doing god knows what with thousands of deranged hippies, burn a giant wooden statue of a man, and finally hop on a plane in Reno on Sept. 6 back to San Juan (13 hour flight) and catch up on sleep. Then it's back to work, although my mind will probably be way too altered for that and I might just quit on the spot and go work on an ostrich farm (I recently found out there's one in PR... awesome).

So... yeah. I'm going to Burning Man. Woooo.

http://www.burningman.com

yeah. there's a lot of substances. a week was too long for me and i started hating everyone that was there.

but i am sort of a recluse.

Originally posted by El Mamerro@Jul 28 2005, 11:53 AM

Oral Sex Tuesday

 

3rd annual! Today's the day to show you're appreciation for those who live to go down...offer your oral talents to those who deserve it most or better yet, offer yourself as a sensual recipient and give the gift that gives back to you. Remember: it is better to give than receive.

 

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Morning Coffee Enema

 

Enemas have been a part of human history for thousands of years. Drop by and have a cup of coffee with us. The Best Part of waking up is coffee up your butt. Explore the sensuality and Heal this most over-looked and under-rated Chakra (Power Center). Look for us on Uranus @ 9:00

 

http://www.burningman.com

Quoted post

weird...

I hope you like weiners too...

My friend works there every year. He works at a "restaurant" or rather, brothel, and intro'd the "whores" to the tables.

Haha.

mamerro..... find the 'extreme' hammock hang-out for me.

I always heard it was good to have an old beater bicycle for touring around with.

i know a couple who have gone for a few years in a row

not sure if they are going again or not

it looks like fun, i guess.

weirdness and shit

i think you have generally the right idea about it

i wouldn't be expecting it to change your life or anything

but coupled with the rest of that road trip, it just might

oh yeah, i saw good flicks that included people getting around on beater bikes.

you should definitley stop in vegas.

i look forward to the picture thread from this adventure.

Originally posted by nomadawhat@Jul 28 2005, 10:23 AM

i look forward to the picture thread from this adventure.

you look forward to a glittey ballsack?

^You bet you do.

I already put a call in for Doug to get some beater bikes. He's in Mexico right now, so hopefully we can get some for like $5, with *bannable offense* stuffed under the seats too.

Originally posted by RumPuncher+Jul 28 2005, 06:47 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (RumPuncher - Jul 28 2005, 06:47 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-nomadawhat@Jul 28 2005, 10:23 AM

i look forward to the picture thread from this adventure.

you look forward to a glittey ballsack?

[/b]

smack! walked right into that...

well. we've already seen the picture of them on his moms cheek was it??, whats a little glitter going to do?

just make the whole bike out of **bannable offence**'s. sgt. stedenko will never be the wiser!

definately rock the beater bikes its all about cruisen the shitiest bike at outdoor parties

the birds love it when ya roll up on your wheels and and start macking some lines...

word

Damn you, I've been wanting to go for three years now and something always comes up and stops it from happening... usually a sudden lack of money.

Oh well, have fun, and don't forget to take *bannable offense* in the morning because it lasts so long, and make sure you have plenty of *bannable offense* and *bannable offense* for the comedown. If you're planning on doing *bannable offense* the next day there might be a bit of a cross tolerance so you should skip a day and do *bannable offense* instead.

Well, I'm actually a real pussy when it comes to substances, so I doubt I'll be trying much, especially in such an extreme environment. Doesn't seem like a good place for your first time.

Anyways, enough with the *banable offense* shit. Just cause I got away with it once doesn't mean we can go on with it and pretend everything's cool. No drug talk.

Iloveboxcars, tell me more about your experience. Were you involved in projects or were you more of a spectator? I'm not a recluse at all and it takes a lot to piss me off, so I doubt I'll have that problem. One week might be a hell of a long time for something this intense though.

And now, your moment of zen:

i was a spectator.

it was a pretty good enviroment for me up until people started trying to talk to me more often. or they've noticed me acouple times and so it was obviously their spirit telling them to approach me and tell me their life story. a lot of interesting people... but i am someone that just likes to walk around looking, never being really noticed, and this goes for almost every type of enviroment.

it's more of an experience for yourself, so im trying to leave any details out.

dont be afraid of bannable offence, theres going to be many people there whom are quite experienced with bannable offence. have fun.

"When we saw this burning man at Burning Man we were like, "Hey Randy Macho Man Savage male porn star! What are you a roasted pig? Go lie on your stomach and put a fucking apple in your mouth. Ha ha." And then he goes, "Really hungry, overweight women in prison lie on their backs and touch themselves thinking about me." To which we responded, "Fuck, that's a good point. Sorry."

have fun mams....

Hahahahahaha. I'd have a beer with that dude.

Originally posted by El Mamerro@Jul 29 2005, 12:13 PM

Hahahahahaha. I'd have a beer with that dude.

Quoted post

or a beer enema, which seems more like the way they do things

I've always wanted to go to one of these, but I'm pretty reclusive myself....

Still, I might even have fun there...

Holy shit J is in this thread.

give the sisters of perpetual indulgence a great big hug and if you need "anything" look for a gay black hairstylist who goes by tony...

and have a great fucking time.

that picture and caption is hilarious. and true.

Originally posted by SukiSukiNow@Jul 29 2005, 12:11 AM

look for a gay black hairstylist who goes by tony...

and have a great fucking time.

Quoted post

Um, no. I don't think I'm gonna do that.

That eXtreme hammock building is gonna get rocked though.

he's my enemy #1 because he's got the top spot on google.

Originally posted by El Mamerro@Jul 28 2005, 11:53 AM

A high power argon laser, the Eye of Cerebro, stretches over the playa, guiding participants to this venture into the trinity of the soul.

 

This project is a larger than life opportunity to receive some advice from an enormous, colorful, hookah-smoking caterpillar.

Quoted post

HAHAHAHA

Does giving yourself with your penis to oral sex tuesday count as "giving"?

i have been surpassed as the biggest hippie on here. finally. you freak.

FUCK TROPICAL STORM KATRINA. FUCK IT RIGHT IN THE ASS.

I have to make a stop in Ft. Lauderdale at the very exact moment the storm should be fucking things up. American Airlines better have some tricks up its sleeve.

I would never ever go to this. But good looks on Nomadawat for mentioning Officer Stedenko.

Have fun, Mammero. You know we all love living vicariously through you. Hopefully Katrina won't mess things up too much.

this sounds great. id go just to take photos.

this would be a great place to take that cactus stuff that makes you go all wierd.

why would anyone want a hot coffee ass wash?

please make a photo thread for us.

Originally posted by T.T Boy@Aug 25 2005, 05:12 PM

why would anyone want a hot coffee ass wash?

 

Quoted post

lol