Smart Posted June 19, 2002 Share Posted June 19, 2002 Smart's Humpday Thread So, today I took Are2's advice... well, the advice she gave me yesterday, but I didn't listen then, today, I did. Today when I realized I was 6 hours late for work I just decided not to go in... I'll call around 7 and see if they're swamped or something, theoretically (in a perfect world) we close at 6... Don't sleep on Pink Lemonade. Everytime I hear that 'there's no place like Ritz' cracker ad I swear I hear 'Grits'... which seems a bit disturbing, because, I'm basically an optomitrist, I mean, I SO wanna believe that there's some better place than Grits... of course, there is probably no place quite like Grits, so it's unique in that respect, but given the choice of placement between Grits and almost anyhing else, I'll choose the other thing. Not if the other thing is Shit, however, I'm all for Grits over Shit, and you can quote me on that, yummy! No, that's a lie, I don't much like Shit, so I certainly don't want my crackers to taste like Shit and Grits... anyway, I wonder how you get to be in marketing research, I would really dig skewing the results. Should fat ("people of size") people pay for 2 seats on an airplane? I say yes, they take up twice as much space, eat twice as much and sweat twice as much... these people seem to be all up in arms about their weight, but it's a question of how fat you are, not how much you weigh, right? I hope the Samoan Defamation Leauge doesn't get wind of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Canadiano Posted June 19, 2002 Share Posted June 19, 2002 you're on your own. except for the fat thing. if they can't pay, they should be subjected to ridicule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest --zeSto-- Posted June 19, 2002 Share Posted June 19, 2002 interesting point with the 'fat' thing. Did you know that in 10 years, Obesity will replace Smoking as the bigest health risk to Americans ? Well it will ! I blame it on the 'Upsize' mentality. For 39 extra cents, you get 300 extra calories. No one ever goes into McDonalds and says "Can I get a half order of fries." And another gross fat fact... 1 slice of Pizza Hut Pizza has as much fat from oil as a BigMac. So if you eat a small (6 slice) to yourself, it's like a bag full of BigMacs. and as per your question about airlines... IT'S NOT A RIGHT TO FLY ON A PLANE, IT'S A PERK OF HAVING MONEY! It's not a government run program like the city bus. If an airline will have to give up a fair equal to your because of your ass, then you fucking owe them!! Do airlines sell space in the seats, or transportation? You pay them to let you sit on their plane. If you need twice the space, you pay twice the cost. Being fat is a handicap, but if fat people get 2 seats on the airplane, I'll stuff myself so full of pillows that they need to reserve an entire row of first class just for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted June 19, 2002 Share Posted June 19, 2002 All right stop what you're doin' cause I'm about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to I look funny buy yo I'm makin money see So yo world I hope you're ready for me Now gather round I'm the new fool in town and my sound's laid down my the underground I'll drink up all the Hennesey ya got on ya shelf so just let me introduce myself My name is Humpty pronounced with the "umpty" yo ladies oh how I like to funk thee and all the rappers in the top 10 please allow me to bump thee I'm stepping tall y'all and just like Humpty Dumpty You're gonna fall when the stereos pump me I like to rhyme I like my beats funky I'm spunky I like my oatmeal lumpy I'm sick with this straight gangster mack but sometimes I get ridiculous I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice hey yo fat girl come here are ya ticklish Yeah I called you fat look at me I'm skinny it never stopped me from gettin' busy I'm a freak I like the girls with the boom I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom I'm crazy allow me to amaze thee they say I'm ugly but it just don't phase me I'm still gettin' in the girls pants and I even got my own dance The Humpty dance here's your chance to do the hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump People say yo humpty you're really funny lookin' that's alright cause I get things cookin' you stare you glare you constanly try to compare me but you can't get near me I'm given more see and on the floor B all the girls they adore me oh yes ladies I'm really bein' sincere 'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle your rear my nose is big uh uh I'm not ashamed thick like a pickle I'm still gettin' paid I get laid by the ladies you know I'm in charge both how I'm livin' and my nose is large I get stupid I'll shoot an arrow like Cupid I'll use a word that don't mean nothin like Luke did I sang on Dowhatchalike and if you missed it I'm the one who said just grab him in the biscuits also told you that I like to bite well yeah I guess it's obvious I also like to write all ya had to do was give Humpty a chance and now I'm gonna do my dance The Humpty dance here's your chance to do the hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Breakdown Now that I told y'all a litte bit about my self lemme tell ya a little bit 'bout this dance it's really easy to do check it out First I limp to the side like my legs was broken shakin' & twitchin' kinda like I was smokin' crazy wack funky people say "You look like MC Hammer on crack Humpty!" that's alright cause my body's in motion it's 'sposed to look like a fit or a convulsion anyone can play this game this is my dance y'all Humpty Hump's my name no two people will do it the same you got it down when you appear to be in pain. Humpin' Funkin' Jumpin' dig around shakin' your rump and when a doo doo chump punk points a finger like a (?)stunt(?) tell him step off I'm doin' the hump The Humpty dance here's your chance to do the hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Do the Humpty Hump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 "Step off I'm doing the hump." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JIGSAW Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 I was at sams the other day, ordering mass amounts of food for the restuarant I work at, and I noticed 80% of the fucking people their were obese, our country soon will be all fat asses, soon well end up paying for our oxygen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pilau Hands Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 I don't really think I have any humpday sage advice, or wise or distracting words, but I just got back from a trip that I loved to a place where I felt better about everything. If you can live shittily for a while, and scam/save up to take a trip i recommend finding a place like that for yourself. This only applies if you're sick of where you live. It's worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Originally posted by JIGSAW I was at sams the other day, ordering mass amounts of food for the restuarant I work at, and I noticed 80% of the fucking people their were obese, our country soon will be all fat asses, soon well end up paying for our oxygen... haha Spaceballs fucking OWNZ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Spaceballs ownz indeed. Anyone ever showered with glycerin soap? I got this crazy red soap that's translucent, can be shaped, smells like heaven, goes on all nice and gooey. It's like showering with a stiff water balloon. Shit's fucking ill, son. Second, how the fuck do radioactive mutant houseflies sneak into my bathroom every morning? Every single fucking morning, I go in to take a shower. Open the shower curtains, BAM, an insect the size of Newark flies out straight into my chest. I spend 25 minutes trying to coax the horrid thing out of the bathroom so I can shower in peace (I'm afraid I'll hurt myself if I try to kill it). This happens EVERY morning, different fly. Shit's not fucking ill, son. Beer, El Mamerro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Mamerro, cut down the showers for a while son...its NSA agents, ignore them and they'll be gone. Please believe i had numerous and real tense fights with my girl over this: Can stewardesses be fat or not???(hell naw, i know you're with me) i mean the last thing you wanna see while shitting your pants in the air is a fat ass not being able to get through the seats....and dont try to tell me that all women have the same workin rights cause i'll answer you like i answer to my girl: "You say that cause your ass is fine and you wanna play righteous, all fat women know that they simply CANT work as stewardesses" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High Priest Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 http://www.ralphsteadman.com/images/2000_pics/Ralph%20in%20transit-Italy.jpg'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Morris Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Re: Smart's Humpday Thread Originally posted by Smart I'm basically an optomitrist, I mean, I SO wanna believe that there's some better place than Grits... HAHAHAHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pilau Hands Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 hahahahahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blame Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 what about on busses and trains....would fat people need to buy 2 tickets what about in the movie theatre, theres only 1 set of eyes watching but two seats taken up?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted June 20, 2002 Author Share Posted June 20, 2002 Re: Re: Smart's Humpday Thread Originally posted by Zack Morris HAHAHAHA :) glad you like that... I had a brain fart and spelled it 'optomist' so I had to go back and edit it, and, of course, embellish... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted June 20, 2002 Author Share Posted June 20, 2002 Originally posted by cheifblame what about in the movie theatre, theres only 1 set of eyes watching but two seats taken up?? the only place fat people should be watching movies is at the gym... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted June 20, 2002 Author Share Posted June 20, 2002 Originally posted by --zeSto-- I blame it on the 'Upsize' mentality. For 39 extra cents, you get 300 extra calories. No one ever goes into McDonalds and says "Can I get a half order of fries." And another gross fat fact... 1 slice of Pizza Hut Pizza has as much fat from oil as a BigMac. So if you eat a small (6 slice) to yourself, it's like a bag full of BigMacs. I think that's only half of it... I blame it on the new fad of 'dipping sauce' as well... I swear, apples are gonna come with a free side of melted butter pretty soon...When I was a kid they had this PSA they'd show on Saturday mornings about 'Don't Drown Your Food.' Now, everything comes with some extra shit... and if you put that in front of a kid when ever they eat their fries or chicken nuggets or pizza, they're gonna form some life long habits... unhealthy habits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remi Martin Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 today was a good day. First I limp to the side like my legs was broken shakin' & twitchin' kinda like I was smokin' crazy wack funky people say "You look like MC Hammer on crack Humpty!" that's alright cause my body's in motion it's 'sposed to look like a fit or a convulsion anyone can play this game this is my dance y'all Humpty Hump's my name no two people will do it the same you got it down when you appear to be in pain. Humpin' Funkin' Jumpin' dig around shakin' your rump and when a doo doo chump punk points a finger like a (?)stunt(?) tell him step off I'm doin' the hump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ctrl+alt+del Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 i woke up today. supposedly it was my birthday. i dont really beleive this. i think ill go back to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 http://ltpwww.gsfc.nasa.gov/globe/soillet/pbsite.GIF'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted June 22, 2002 Author Share Posted June 22, 2002 ok, skip work... pink lemonade... shit and grits... fat people... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dyptheria Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 Originally posted by Tesseract Please believe i had numerous and real tense fights with my girl over this: Can stewardesses be fat or not???(hell naw, i know you're with me) i mean the last thing you wanna see while shitting your pants in the air is a fat ass not being able to get through the seats....and dont try to tell me that all women have the same workin rights cause i'll answer you like i answer to my girl: "You say that cause your ass is fine and you wanna play righteous, all fat women know that they simply CANT work as stewardesses" i know that many if not all major airlines have weight requirements for their flight attendants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 Originally posted by Dyptheria i know that many if not all major airlines have weight requirements for their flight attendants Yeah i know, its complicated cause that applies on hiring...they hire thin hotties and then they go fat! what then...i agree that firing them would be crule or whatever but hey...do some diet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
test pattern Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 Fuck fat people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kissmyass#1 Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 hmmmm....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 http://birrell.org/andrew/images/knot.gif'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smart Posted June 22, 2002 Author Share Posted June 22, 2002 Originally posted by Tesseract Yeah i know, its complicated cause that applies on hiring...they hire thin hotties and then they go fat! what then...i agree that firing them would be crule or whatever but hey...do some diet! actually, I've known quite a few stewardesses and, from what they all say, the longer you work for an airline, the more likely it is that they will fire you (duh, they can't fire you if you don't work for them! No, I mean...). Basically, the airlines would rather fill your spot with a new entry-level stewardess, than pay you the higher wages and bigger benefits packages you earned through your years of service. Apparently, it's rather cut-throat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted June 22, 2002 Share Posted June 22, 2002 http://ltpwww.gsfc.nasa.gov/globe/soilmono/mono37.jpg'> "In pain...no more....now and forever....i am life." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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