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Smart's Humphday Thread

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Smart, Jun 19, 2002.

  1. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 178
    Smart's Humpday Thread

    So, today I took Are2's advice... well, the advice she gave me yesterday, but I didn't listen then, today, I did. Today when I realized I was 6 hours late for work I just decided not to go in... I'll call around 7 and see if they're swamped or something, theoretically (in a perfect world) we close at 6...

    Don't sleep on Pink Lemonade.

    Everytime I hear that 'there's no place like Ritz' cracker ad I swear I hear 'Grits'... which seems a bit disturbing, because, I'm basically an optomitrist, I mean, I SO wanna believe that there's some better place than Grits... of course, there is probably no place quite like Grits, so it's unique in that respect, but given the choice of placement between Grits and almost anyhing else, I'll choose the other thing. Not if the other thing is Shit, however, I'm all for Grits over Shit, and you can quote me on that, yummy! No, that's a lie, I don't much like Shit, so I certainly don't want my crackers to taste like Shit and Grits... anyway, I wonder how you get to be in marketing research, I would really dig skewing the results.

    Should fat ("people of size") people pay for 2 seats on an airplane?

    I say yes, they take up twice as much space, eat twice as much and sweat twice as much... these people seem to be all up in arms about their weight, but it's a question of how fat you are, not how much you weigh, right? I hope the Samoan Defamation Leauge doesn't get wind of this!
  2. Canadiano

    Canadiano Guest

    you're on your own.

    except for the fat thing. if they can't pay, they should be subjected to ridicule.
  3. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    interesting point with the 'fat' thing.

    Did you know that in 10 years, Obesity will replace Smoking as the bigest health risk to Americans ?
    Well it will !

    I blame it on the 'Upsize' mentality. For 39 extra cents, you get 300 extra calories.
    No one ever goes into McDonalds and says "Can I get a half order of fries."
    And another gross fat fact... 1 slice of Pizza Hut Pizza has as much fat from oil as a BigMac.
    So if you eat a small (6 slice) to yourself, it's like a bag full of BigMacs.

    and as per your question about airlines...
    It's not a government run program like the city bus.
    If an airline will have to give up a fair equal to your because of your ass,
    then you fucking owe them!! Do airlines sell space in the seats, or transportation?
    You pay them to let you sit on their plane. If you need twice the space, you pay twice the cost.

    Being fat is a handicap, but if fat people get 2 seats on the airplane,
    I'll stuff myself so full of pillows that they need to reserve an entire row of first class just for me.
  4. DETO

    DETO Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,350 Likes Received: 154
    All right stop what you're doin'
    cause I'm about to ruin
    the image and the style that you're used to
    I look funny
    buy yo I'm makin money see
    So yo world I hope you're ready for me
    Now gather round
    I'm the new fool in town
    and my sound's laid down my the underground
    I'll drink up all the Hennesey ya got on ya shelf
    so just let me introduce myself
    My name is Humpty
    pronounced with the "umpty"
    yo ladies oh how I like to funk thee
    and all the rappers in the top 10
    please allow me to bump thee
    I'm stepping tall y'all
    and just like Humpty Dumpty
    You're gonna fall when the stereos pump me
    I like to rhyme
    I like my beats funky
    I'm spunky
    I like my oatmeal lumpy
    I'm sick with this
    straight gangster mack
    but sometimes I get ridiculous
    I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
    hey yo fat girl
    come here are ya ticklish
    Yeah I called you fat
    look at me I'm skinny
    it never stopped me from gettin' busy
    I'm a freak
    I like the girls with the boom
    I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
    I'm crazy
    allow me to amaze thee
    they say I'm ugly but it just don't phase me
    I'm still gettin' in the girls pants
    and I even got my own dance

    The Humpty dance
    here's your chance
    to do the hump

    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump

    People say yo humpty
    you're really funny lookin'
    that's alright cause I get things cookin'
    you stare you glare you constanly try to compare me
    but you can't get near me
    I'm given more see
    and on the floor B
    all the girls they adore me
    oh yes ladies
    I'm really bein' sincere
    'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle your rear my nose is big
    uh uh I'm not ashamed
    thick like a pickle
    I'm still gettin' paid
    I get laid by the ladies
    you know I'm in charge
    both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
    I get stupid
    I'll shoot an arrow like Cupid
    I'll use a word that don't mean nothin like Luke did
    I sang on Dowhatchalike
    and if you missed it
    I'm the one who said just grab him in the biscuits
    also told you that I like to bite
    well yeah
    I guess it's obvious I also like to write
    all ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
    and now I'm gonna do my dance

    The Humpty dance
    here's your chance
    to do the hump

    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump


    Now that I told y'all a litte bit about my self
    lemme tell ya a little bit 'bout this dance
    it's really easy to do
    check it out

    First I limp to the side like my legs was broken
    shakin' & twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
    crazy wack funky
    people say "You look like MC Hammer on crack Humpty!"
    that's alright cause my body's in motion
    it's 'sposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
    anyone can play this game
    this is my dance y'all Humpty Hump's my name
    no two people will do it the same
    you got it down when you appear to be in pain.
    Humpin' Funkin' Jumpin'
    dig around shakin' your rump
    and when a doo doo chump punk points a finger like a (?)stunt(?)
    tell him step off I'm doin' the hump

    The Humpty dance
    here's your chance
    to do the hump

    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
    Do the Humpty Hump
  5. Pistol

    Pistol Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 12, 2001 Messages: 19,363 Likes Received: 299
    "Step off I'm doing the hump."

    JIGSAW Guest

    I was at sams the other day, ordering mass amounts of food for the restuarant I work at, and I noticed 80% of the fucking people their were obese, our country soon will be all fat asses, soon well end up paying for our oxygen...
  7. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    I don't really think I have any humpday sage advice, or wise or distracting words, but I just got back from a trip that I loved to a place where I felt better about everything.

    If you can live shittily for a while, and scam/save up to take a trip i recommend finding a place like that for yourself. This only applies if you're sick of where you live.

    It's worth it.
  8. Pistol

    Pistol Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 12, 2001 Messages: 19,363 Likes Received: 299
    Spaceballs fucking OWNZ!
  9. Spaceballs ownz indeed.

    Anyone ever showered with glycerin soap? I got this crazy red soap that's translucent, can be shaped, smells like heaven, goes on all nice and gooey. It's like showering with a stiff water balloon. Shit's fucking ill, son.

    Second, how the fuck do radioactive mutant houseflies sneak into my bathroom every morning? Every single fucking morning, I go in to take a shower. Open the shower curtains, BAM, an insect the size of Newark flies out straight into my chest. I spend 25 minutes trying to coax the horrid thing out of the bathroom so I can shower in peace (I'm afraid I'll hurt myself if I try to kill it). This happens EVERY morning, different fly. Shit's not fucking ill, son. Beer,

    El Mamerro
  10. Mamerro, cut down the showers for a while son...its NSA agents, ignore them and they'll be gone.

    Please believe i had numerous and real tense fights with my girl over this:

    Can stewardesses be fat or not???(hell naw, i know you're with me) i mean the last thing you wanna see while shitting your pants in the air is a fat ass not being able to get through the seats....and dont try to tell me that all women have the same workin rights cause i'll answer you like i answer to my girl: "You say that cause your ass is fine and you wanna play righteous, all fat women know that they simply CANT work as stewardesses"
  11. High Priest

    High Priest Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 1, 2002 Messages: 4,928 Likes Received: 4
  12. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    Re: Smart's Humpday Thread

  13. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

  14. blame

    blame Junior Member

    Joined: Dec 2, 2001 Messages: 205 Likes Received: 0
    what about on busses and trains....would fat people need to buy 2 tickets

    what about in the movie theatre, theres only 1 set of eyes watching but two seats taken up??
  15. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 14, 2000 Messages: 17,017 Likes Received: 178
    Re: Re: Smart's Humpday Thread


    glad you like that... I had a brain fart and spelled it 'optomist' so I had to go back and edit it, and, of course, embellish...