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...she called me a 'silly wabbit' yesterday.... ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by beardo, Sep 24, 2004.

  1. beardo

    beardo Guest

    goddamn dude, that was hilarious

    wheres ROE??

    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of September 23, 2004

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    In an effort to make a splash in America's upcoming presidential election, marginal candidate Ralph Nader has resorted to unusual measures. Among the most extreme has been his decision to accept money and help from the Republican Party, even though he opposes every value that organization holds dear. In the state of Michigan, for example, Nader wouldn't have gotten on the ballot without the heroic assistance of the Republicans, who collected 43,000 signatures for him in the hope that he'll drain votes from the Democratic nominee, John Kerry. I predict that you Aries people will have equally Machiavellian opportunities in the coming weeks. You may even be tempted to turn to your adversaries to further your dreams. Can you manipulate them to serve you more than they manipulate you to serve them?

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Your superstitious fears may nag you more than usual in the coming weeks. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's highly unlikely the feared events will actually come to pass. To help dispel your unnecessary worries, I suggest you dream up and carry out a banishing ritual. For example, you could write down what you're afraid of, and then burn the piece of paper in the flame of a red candle as you cackle and chant, "You have no [insert an energizing taboo word here] power over me!"

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    "I'm not afraid of snakes or spiders," says Gemini actress Nicole Kidman, "just butterflies." According to my astrological analysis, that could be an apt motto for many of you Geminis in the coming weeks. You'll probably love your playful wrestles with serpent-like people and enjoy your shadow dances with web-weavers. You'll thrive in the wake of intense emotions and enigmatic twists of fate. On the other hand, you'll be in danger of losing your focus during airy encounters with delicate creatures; you'll have to be vigilant to avoid getting thrown off course by pretty ephemera and lightweight pleasures.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    One of the best-selling books in France in recent months has been Bonjour Paresse, or "Hello Laziness." The author, Corinne Maier, encourages employees to perfect the art of goofing off on the job. In the coming week, Cancerian, you should follow her advice not only at work but in every area of your life. I admire you for being so conscientious and putting so much effort into everything you do, but you're way overdue for some major slacking off. I'll go so far as to say that you have a spiritual need to vegetate. This is one time when you'll get my blessing if you decide to sit in a comfortable chair and daydream of nothing in particular as you watch the wind blow.

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    The Guinness Book of World Records says the shortest river in the world is the Roe River in Montana. Measuring about 220 feet long, it flows into the Missouri River, America's second-longest river. The Roe River's source is the Great Springs, which is the largest fresh water spring in the U.S. It's 3,000 years old, stays a constant 54 degrees, and pours out 200 million gallons of water per day. I'd like you to picture this entire scene in your mind's eye, Leo-the Roe River, the Missouri River, and the Great Springs. It provides a symbolic template for what your approach should be in the coming weeks. You should be a short and concise connecting link between an underground source of abundant vitality and a free-flowing force of nature that reminds you of a mighty river.

    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    "I am one of those who never knows the direction of my journey until I have almost arrived," wrote author Anna Louise Strong. Right about now, Virgo, you could probably speak those same words with sincerity. For months you've felt as if an invisible force were shepherding you towards an unseen goal. You've trusted the process because it resonated with a gut feeling that kept telling you "YES!" And now, finally, you're about to come to the end of the quest and collect your reward. Keep in mind, though, that even after you have it, you may not fully understand it for months.

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    During last year's monsoon season in Sri Lanka, floods caused landslides in and around Ratnapura, the "City of Gems." As devastating as this natural disaster was, it dredged up many raw gems from their hiding places deep in the earth. After the heavy rains stopped, sapphires and rubies were strewn across the landscape for any passer-by to pick up. I foresee an analogous sequence operating in your life, Libra. The deluge will expose valuable beauty, making it easy to pluck.

    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    "If you stick your finger in the fire," asked my teacher Ann Davies, "do you then complain that it is unfair when your finger gets burned? Do you call the fire bad?" I think her questions are essential for you to keep in mind between now and your birthday, Scorpio. If you consciously decide there are good, even honorable reasons for you to play with fire, go right ahead and do so. But if there's a bit of hell to pay as a result, don't you dare get pissed at the universe or diss God. And please don't say the fire is evil.

    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    Writing in the San Francisco Chronicle, business writer David Lazarus reported that the senior managers of the Pacific Gas and Electric Company gave themselves $169 million in bonuses "for doing such a good job during the utility's bankruptcy proceedings." With the authority vested in me by the cosmic powers-that-be, I hereby authorize you to shower yourself with an equivalent barrage of blessings for all the hard work you've done during the last ten months. And please don't be shy about imitating the example of the PG&E chiefs: Reward yourself handsomely even if you've accomplished little more than saving your own ass.

    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    "I produce music as an apple tree produces apples," proclaimed the French pianist and composer Camille Saint-Saens. Your assignment in the coming week, Capricorn, is to do the research and meditation necessary so you can accurately complete the following sentence: "I produce _________________ as an apple tree produces apples." You need to know beyond any doubt what precise gift you were born to give the world; you cannot move on to the next phase of your evolution until you are utterly clear about what nature yearns to create through you.

    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    Bill Joy is a farseeing computer scientist who developed many technologies for Sun Microsystems, an influential company he co-founded. You Aquarians are now entering into a "Bill Joy" phase of your astrological cycle, a time when you're most likely to be expansive, pioneering, and innovative. Here's Joy's important message for you about what not to do. "My own biggest mistake in the last 20 years was that I designed solutions for problems that people didn't yet know they had," he told Fortune magazine. "That's why some of the things that could've made a difference couldn't find a market. The hardest part isn't inventing the solution, but figuring out how to get people to adopt it." Translation: As you dream up fresh approaches and imaginative departures, make sure you communicate about them with enthusiastic clarity to the people they'll affect most.

    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    Many of the poets I like are mavericks, visionaries, and prophets, and more than a few belong to what poet Ann Waldman calls the "outrider tradition." But since it would be unpoetic to have a closed mind towards more traditional stuff, I've been reading America's new Poet Laureate, Ted Kooser. A retired vice president of a life insurance company in Nebraska, he enjoys yard sales and pork roast. Surprisingly, though, his poetry reveals a wild streak. It's not expressed in descriptions of reckless love affairs and manic excursions to the frontiers of sanity, but in a humble wisdom forged through his brave, unsentimental tenderness. That's the kind of wildness I wish for you in the coming weeks, Pisces: the crafty, loving, constructive kind.
  2. seeking

    seeking Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 25, 2000 Messages: 32,278 Likes Received: 240
    that was the gayest horoscope ive ever read. shit didnt even make no sense.
    fuck horoscopes. i'm listening to maynard from tool and warren buffet, everyone else is stupid.
  3. slave_one

    slave_one Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 4, 2003 Messages: 2,745 Likes Received: 2
    mine's depressing;
    i wish i could give myself $169 million in bonuses...
  4. GucciCondom

    GucciCondom Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 29, 2003 Messages: 5,558 Likes Received: 168
    I must reward myself for the past 10 months.
    Its Friday.
    Good time to start. :D
  5. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    Tricks are for street walkers....


    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You're getting tired of living out of boxes, but if you stop now, you'll damage your reputation as the patron saint of the cardboard cubist lifestyle.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    There are those who say you're just a glorified janitor, but you fail to see how the titanium mop and bucket add glory to what you do.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    You'll soon learn the important legal and semantic differences between the phrases "folksingers should just die" and "it'd sure be nice if someone slaughtered all the folksingers."

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Hey, it's not your fault if the others around the office don't find your horrifyingly racist sense of humor funny.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    You'll be surprised and pleased to find yourself listed between Leah and Levi in Who's Who In The Bible, but you won't really like what the editors had to say.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    You'll be overrun with shallow, boring romance-seekers merely because you genuinely enjoy long walks and sunsets.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    There's no law about over-enjoying the work of Uriah Heep, but the judicial flexibility built into our society will see that you get what's coming to you anyway.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    Leprosy is certainly not the problem it once was, but that might not be any consolation to you.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    The National Hockey League lockout will have little or no effect on you, which is fairly surprising, considering you're Lord Stanley's Cup.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    You'll experience a soufflé that sends you into a white-hot inferno of culinary passion, instantly incinerating you and everyone in the downtown restaurant district.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    This week will be prime for advancement at work, as long as you manage to avoid the ball lightning and the other guys don't.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    Good news: The airline will only charge you four Frequent Flier Miles for your violently abbreviated flight this Friday.
  6. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    expose the beauty and let me pluck it.
  7. effyoo

    effyoo Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 2, 2002 Messages: 4,703 Likes Received: 0
    Haiku Horoscopes

    (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)
    Geese fly in a V
    That’s for ‘Victory’ — a cruel
    Future awaits us

    (Apr. 20 - May 20)
    The beauty of God’s
    Creation, all spoiled by a
    Single man with gas

    (May 21 - June 20)
    Join the ‘2 Foot Club’
    To get some great discounts on
    All kinds of strap-ons

    (June 21 - July 22)
    The sausage party
    Will be, sadly, just what you
    Expected of it

    (July 23 - Aug. 22)
    You will rent some porn,
    Then events will result in
    You purchasing it

    (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
    Get some golfing in.
    As for me, I’ll satisfy
    My desire to kill

    (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
    Your secrets are safe
    With me, the author of a
    Magazine column

    (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
    You’ve got to trust me:
    The secret to getting girls
    Is a big belly

    (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
    You’ll be missed this week —
    Don’t go thinking that sniper
    Takes you for granted

    (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
    I’ll take your advice
    And I’ll file it right under
    ‘G’ — that’s for ‘Garbage

    (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
    Take this week to live
    Out your fantasies — throw that
    Ring into Mt. Doom

    (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
    Don’t give up hope, but
    Lower your expectations
    From “world peace” to “steak”
    web stuff

    WEAK NIGGUH Member

    Joined: Jul 25, 2004 Messages: 379 Likes Received: 1
  9. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 13,024 Likes Received: 536

    its true.

    I am a scorpio with a big belly who has the raddest girl ever
  10. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    If that thread title werent so amazing this would suck:

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    "reminds you of a mighty river."

    No wait, this does suck.
  11. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 3
    wow that is really a good analogy for what is going on with my life right now! i am playing with fire, but i am sooo winning at it.
  12. Fabo 2

    Fabo 2 Member

    Joined: Mar 20, 2002 Messages: 345 Likes Received: 2
    Re: Re: ...she called me a 'silly wabbit' yesterday.... ROB

    you playing with fiyah, your gonna get burnt

    I was gonna mobb deep but I can't be arsed now
  13. zodiddly

    zodiddly Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 13, 2004 Messages: 170 Likes Received: 0

    no silly i think YOU'RE going to get burned
  14. MOOGLE?

    MOOGLE? 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 11,495 Likes Received: 502

    ...open my third eye!!!

    naw the last rob horoscope was deas on point for the whole week for me even as i type its almost exact..

    damn an i got pictures..
  15. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    "you'll have to be vigilant to avoid getting thrown off course by pretty ephemera and lightweight pleasures."

    they get roe everytime....

    *spills coffee on lap, mumbles obscenity*

    -way to carry the torch beards