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sexual mishaps


Southern kid

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its been awhile since we had something about sex in here. we always make fun of my friend because this one girl who is ugly as fuck..gave him head one night when they were drunk..and it was her first time..and she bit his sack. i mean how the fuck do you go about biting the balls? but anyway she did it..so we make fun of my friend and yell chompers and shit everytime he talks to a girl now. whats some funny shit thats happened during sex/making out/etc. this is not the 'what have you broken while fucking' thread.

 

i remember one time i bit the girls tongue i was making out with. that wasnt cool. i was glad it wasnt me though hahaha

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let's see... you know when MASKADOMIS posts about sex it's gonna be good and shit...

 

i know this girl (who's name i am leaving out cuz way too many people on the board know her) who was going down on her boyfriend of like a year and gagged on his cock and threw up... i mean blew fucking chunks on his dick. she said "at first he let out this sigh like it felt good and then looked down and realized what was going on..." that is by far the wackest thing i have ever heard in my entire life.

 

oh, i know a guy who some girl asked to pee on her. and, one time a girl asked me to cum on her ass. that was um, neat. then scary. then really scary.

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I hate it when air gets trapped between your cleavage while someone is trying to hump you... it makes those stupid farting noises. That always makes me laugh.

 

One night me and my old dude were doing it from the back... I didn't know he was leaning so close to me. I was getting hot, so I tilted my head back, and I bopped him in the head. Ooops!

 

I've scratched him accidently several times too. I don't know how that happened.... http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'>

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Guest HESHIANDET

word to the fart noises secret (all of them). it doesn't matter how into humping i am, when a funny noise happens i start laughing. i don't like it when your doinkin and your doin it really hard and you slip out with out notiiceing then go for te next stroke and you poke homegirl in taint. Both parties have been known to go OWWWW!. its also funny when a girl w/ large mamories is riding you and her boobies start slapping each other (sounds like claping-also makes me laugh).ummm, when your in any position and the girls head starts boppin the wall-funny. And my favorite is this story. i gotta lay it out a little first though.

-My roomates bedroom is up strairs from mine, and our beds use to be along the same wall. one morning i come down staris and eat some cereal with him. he says "last night i was laying in bed not moving just trying to sleep, and i kepting going back and forth in my bed. At first i didn't get it then i felt icky and slept on the couch downstaris."-hahahaha motion of the ocean my friends.....

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one of my girlfreinds pissed on me two seperate times. like right when i put it in. she said it felt really good and she just relaxed. messy!

 

another time i was making out with this girl and we were just starting to get it on. saturday night live was on the the tv in the background. it was the skit with harry kairi talking about cloning hotdogs. the girl was all into it and i was half listening to the tv. when he said americans should clone hotdogs, i fucking lost it. i stopped fucking and just laughed my ass off. she was not pleased.

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yes yes i should tell you it was me a girl asked to pee on her... i was not pleased.. so i pooed on the ground and threw it at her...

 

one time on my 21st birthday i was getting a kiss from my real good friend who also happened to be 16... she stopped while we were kissing and goes oh my god i am kissing distROdomis.... only she said my real name..

 

i got head from this girl who really like girls... she hadnt been with a guy in 6 years... i was very good friends with her from school... she gave me head and said she vowed last time she would never do it again...

 

my girlfriend now named my pee pee george..

 

and boobie fart noises are in effect..

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the best is when ur fucking nasty hardfor a long time and that pussy gets dry and u pull out and BBBLLLLUUUUUUEEEEEWWWWPP...mad pussy fart and the bitch tries too look at u with a straight face....i cant help but laugh....its all right there more focused on the fact u just busted 3 nuts in a row, cum fly when ur having fun

 

i shared this 2 bedroom apartmen with my boy and i overheard the yelping and faint aghs and ohs through the thin walls, all gets quite then SNAP, followed buy an OHHHH FUCKKKN BITCH, next morning i said Scotty what the fuck happend after u fuct last night, scott says" dude dont let the bitch take ur condom off", bitch let it snap back.....poor scott his turtle was in deep sleep for the next few days-

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Guest Pilau Hands

- mid-coital doggystyle vagina farts

- falling off the bed

- somehow one of you pokes the other in the eye...or any type of unexpected violence

- like det said...going real fast and flying out at light speed...poking her somewhere it's not appreciated

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one time i was with this girl, we were fucking and i was rubbing her clit for a little added stimulation. all of a sudden i fell this splash all on my hand and my crotch. at first i thought i had one of those girls who ejaculate when they orgasm....nope.....i asked her what the fuck it was, she said she didnt know so i smelled my hand. fucking woman got all excited and pissed everywhere. needless to say that was the end of that.

 

------------------

brick, brick ,brick...thats how i be up against your girlfriends ass...

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let's see... you know when MASKADOMIS posts about sex it's gonna be good and shit...

 

i know this girl (who's name i am leaving out cuz way too many people on the board know her) who was going down on her boyfriend of like a year and gagged on his cock and threw up... i mean blew fucking chunks on his dick. she said "at first he let out this sigh like it felt good and then looked down and realized what was going on..." that is by far the wackest thing i have ever heard in my entire life.

 

oh, i know a guy who some girl asked to pee on her. and, one time a girl asked me to cum on her ass. that was um, neat. then scary. then really scary.

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all this talk reminds me of "the bucking bronco." youre hitting a girl from the back, and while doing this, you tell her about all the girls youve cheatin on her with. the fun of the game and why its called what it is is then she starts to "buck like bronco" from gettin so mad, and you try to stay on as long as you can.

 

funny but fucked up. goes along with "dirty sanchez" and "the dutch oven" and so on and so on.

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my girlfriend calls my wee wee george... and two weeks ago i got her into two different bathing suits.... dope shit...

 

every time i get off with her i always laugh afterwards... she isnt offended she laughs too... but does anyone else have that happen??

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her: "man, we need to do body shots sometime."

me: "uhuh"

(pours nearby bottle of boone's famr on her stomach and starts to lick gher belly)

"will this do?"

her: "that's gonna be a bitch to clean up."

me: "i'm drunk... more kissy."

 

**i am posting this in "funny quotes when drunk" as well (partly as a bump and partly cuz it applies)**

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