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Rules of Man

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Erofet, Feb 18, 2003.

  1. Erofet

    Erofet New Jack

    Joined: Mar 13, 2002 Messages: 1 Likes Received: 0
    1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

    2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

    3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
    legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

    4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
    father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker,
    you need not and should not provide any useful information
    whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny
    his very existence.

    5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you
    must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
    without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is
    allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up
    a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).

    7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
    is off-limits forever.

    8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy
    who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required
    to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on
    the classic 1-10 babe scale.

    9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies
    refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature
    is unsuitable.

    10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
    another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is
    strictly optional and slightly gay.

    11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that
    your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should
    you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex
    with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at
    your bachelor party.

    12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
    permission and he in return is required to grant it.

    13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
    as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
    ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

    14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't
    see nothin'.

    15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move
    is beer.

    16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

    17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event,
    you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you
    may never ask who's playing.

    18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
    whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead
    only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time
    to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

    19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only
    when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered
    by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

    20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
    must remain sober enough to fight.

    22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
    fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the
    last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this
    guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and

    23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
    "Yeah, baby, push it!"
    "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
    "Another set and we can hit the showers."
    "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"isch aber schne

    24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
    of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

    25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
    referring to his beer.

    26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except
    when she's withholding sex pending your response.

    27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
    footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all
    other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

    28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car,
    you may not join him...too gay.
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    rules of 12oz.

    do not post email forwards unless they are really really damn funny.

    KING OF HELL Guest

    although ive broken a few of those(own cats etc....), i was chuckling.
  4. dork

    dork Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2002 Messages: 399 Likes Received: 0
    thems some goood rules...
  5. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    Fuck those bullshit rules.

    FLESHEATER Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 1, 2001 Messages: 1,193 Likes Received: 0
  7. MOOGLE?

    MOOGLE? 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 11,495 Likes Received: 502
  8. dork

    dork Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2002 Messages: 399 Likes Received: 0
    great sign...
  9. ArtvandaL

    ArtvandaL Guest

    halariously halarious!
  10. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30