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rob brezsny, ULULATING about the cosmos and beardolingus

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Mar 15, 2002.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    ......hey hey.......cheers.....



    ARIES (March 21-April 19)

    There goes your exaggerated respect for gnarled chunks of complications. Here comes your now-or-never break for bubbly freedom. I can tell you right now, droopy, that you'll need to travel much lighter. So peel off that armor! Wipe that forty-pound sneer of resentment off your face! Bury your broken-down dreams by the side of the road, and push temperamental contraptions right off the cliff. Strip down, in other words, to the bare minimum. Where you're going all you'll need are your good looks and a fresh, hot attitude.



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    TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

    Before going to sleep last night, I asked my subconscious mind to send me a dream with a useful symbolic message for you Tauruses. Near morning, I dreamed of caterpillars slowly but surely devouring the Big Bad Wolf. When they were finished, they spun cocoons. After a while they emerged as giant yellow butterflies with the shapes of bulls on their wings. Here's my dream interpretation: I believe you Tauruses are entering a phase when a young or "larval" part of your psyche will nibble a problem to death, setting the stage for a rebirth in which the problem will be transformed into a beautiful thing.



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    GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

    "I don't wake up and get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day," says supermodel Linda Evangelista. While it may be unwise for you to set your financial goals quite so high, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to cop some of Evangelista's feelings of entitlement. After all, cosmic forces are currently conspiring to enhance your economic well-being, and will continue to do so for a few months. There's no reason you can't wake up on July 1 and declare, "I'm not getting out of bed for less than $350 a day."



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    CANCER (June 21-July 22)

    If you lived in London, England in the 1700s, you could buy insurance against going to hell. Though we have no such service these days, an excellent substitute is now available to you Crabs. You're primed to perform so many extraordinary good deeds in the coming weeks that you can virtually assure yourself of not going to hell when you die many years hence. I don't mean to imply that you've been stingy with your gifts up until now, but there's something special about the imminent future. Your generosity will be both exceptionally creative and unusually intense. Your charisma will soar and your ability to sense exactly what people need will be uncanny. I predict that these factors will combine to generate a hoard of the richest, finest karma.



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    LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

    "In my opinion there are only two stories in the whole world," says novelist William Vollman. "One is: a person is born, grows up, gets old and dies. The other is: two people meet each other and they love or hate each other and something happens." His theory has an appealing simplicity except for the fact that it doesn't account for the truly uncategorizable epic you are living through. I don't mean to give you an exaggerated sense of self-importance, Leo, but right about now it would make perfect sense to title your melodrama "The Greatest Story Never Told." Please refrain from comparing your adventure to anything ever experienced in the history of the world.



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    VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22)

    What and whom are you attracted to, Virgo? Are their influences on you in close alignment with your noblest ideals? Or do you often find yourself being drawn to experiences and people that end up being no damn good for you? If there is a discrepancy, this is an excellent time to correct it. And if there is no discrepancy -- if you've already trained yourself to get excited by stimuli that bring out the best in you -- then prepare for the arrival of some high-quality fun.



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    LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22)

    Now and then there comes a time when you have to break the mold; when you can no longer afford to squeeze yourself into a one-size-fits-all pattern. On other occasions, you urgently need to renounce the images that people have projected onto you; when your ability to live as a free soul requires you to rebel against all the expectations you're surrounded by. And every once in a great while, Libra, you're called on to shatter the molds and purge the projections in the same mad, healing rush. Now is such a turning point.



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    SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)

    You know how there are certain things in your life that are both good and bad for you? Experiences that can both drive you crazy or make you wildly healthy? People who on some days bring out the best in you and at other times turn you into a snarling gargoyle? It's high time for you to deepen and ripen your relationship with these influences, Scorpio. I'm not saying this will render your connections any less paradoxical. But it will ensure that your reasons for being together are rooted in the spirit of the here and now, not in dead habit.



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    SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)

    Science News reports that the flora of the Northern Hemisphere now awakens from its winter sleep a week earlier than it did just two decades ago. One of the perks of global warming? Probably. But this awakening of the earth's life forces cannot alone account for your libido's rapidly elevating mood. I believe we can also attribute it to your wise decision to slow down and recharge your psychic battery in the past few weeks. Next assignment: Prepare for a flood of stimuli that will trigger record levels of soul hunger -- and soul satisfaction.



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    CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)

    Between now and June, 2003, you'll be receiving opportunity after opportunity to learn more about relationships. Will you take advantage of this embarrassment of riches, Capricorn? I hope so. I believe there's nothing more important than deepening your capacity for togetherness. You might imagine you have better things to do -- like building your career or making more money, for instance. But the ironic fact is that cultivating your intimacy skills will change you in the precise ways that are most likely to serve your worldly ambitions.



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    AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)

    Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison came up with a lot of ideas that went nowhere. While trying to develop the perfect battery, his unsuccessful experiments were comically legion. "I have not failed," he mused. "I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." There are other ways in which he didn't match the profile we usually associate with genius. He rarely had a dramatic breakthrough out of the blue, for instance. Most often, he tinkered and fussed until he discovered some new useful thing. Of his 1,093 patents, some were inventions he purposefully set about to create, but most he simply stumbled upon. I urge you to apply all of these approaches to your life in the coming weeks, Aquarius. The Tinkering Season is about to begin.



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    PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)

    Beneath the visible surface of one of the world's most famous paintings, the "Mona Lisa," are three previous versions. X-rays show this conclusively. In other words, it took a few false starts before the artist, Leonardo da Vinci, finally gave birth to his masterpiece. Let's apply this theme to your life, Pisces. Judging from the current astrological aspects, I estimate you've completed at least two and possibly three of your allotted false starts. Any day now, I predict you'll begin the definitive version of a breakthrough creation.
     
  2. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    mine sadly rings very true
     
  3. wow! extreme things this week....
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    Beardology
     
  4. beardo

    beardo Guest

    i heard that rob brezsny likes phish
     
  5. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
  6. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    "I have not failed," he mused. "I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

    brilliant!
     
  7. railroadjerk

    railroadjerk Guest

    karma karma karma...i like this week.
     
  8. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    false start!

    ok i guess i should get started...
     
  9. A Fire Inside

    A Fire Inside Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 5, 2001 Messages: 1,836 Likes Received: 0
    i better get some "soul satisfaction" damnit.
     
  10. High Priest

    High Priest Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 1, 2002 Messages: 4,928 Likes Received: 3
    My week was pretty damn good actually...
     
  11. kaesthebluntedwonder

    kaesthebluntedwonder Elite Member

    Joined: May 16, 2000 Messages: 3,066 Likes Received: 1
    i better stumble upon something real cool real soon, like a job, or a girl, or a new fence
     
  12. Cracked Ass

    Cracked Ass Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 24, 2001 Messages: 7,898 Likes Received: 47
    The Edison quote was a little off, although I don't have the original so I can't set it completely straight.
    It was more like "After 10,000 tries, I'm running out of things that don't work."
    In case anyone cares, ululating is pronounced "yool-yoo-lating".
     
  13. kaesthebluntedwonder

    kaesthebluntedwonder Elite Member

    Joined: May 16, 2000 Messages: 3,066 Likes Received: 1
    isnt there a place called yule or uhl, in minnessota? i think i went to an old old brewery there and drank rootbeer from tap....
     
  14. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    ....okay, so thats how you pronounce it...cool...but im claim ignorancy and keep the edison quote as is....i know i know....it just applies more to a life philosophy i strive for....

    rosecooloredglassesoner
     
  15. beardo

    beardo Guest

    mental's 12oz addiction is getting the best of him. posting at night, and now on the weekends...
     
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