Poop Man Bob Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 From an email I just received. These are from the book "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ________________________________________ Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. ________________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. _______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ______________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ______________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he wokeup that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ________________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. _________________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? _________________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty year-old, how old is he? __________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? __________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? _________________________________ Q: And, how was your marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ________________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? ____________________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ___________________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _________________________________________ Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ___________________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. __________________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? __________________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you started the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 nice...not surprising in the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Hahaha thats great. I have heard all types of lawyers talk that crazy shit when i have gone to court. I swear I actually got Lionell Hutz before. That was a disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
$360 Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 yes, voodoo:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 i found myself saying "sir" a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadawhat Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob _______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ________________________________________ _________________________________________ Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ___________________________________________ hahaha.. some of my faves... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go A: ORAL! that's too funny. Those law-talkers aren't as smart as they think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 these are hott. it's interesting how bad legalese has gotten when a question series like this is seen: Q: And, how was your marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? turrible. fucking funny though my fave: Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phels Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. fuckin genius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClueTwo Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I didn;t know that Doctors had a such a good sense of humor.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAPiTA Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. PGW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crave Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 ^ haha, true. funny as fuck. thanks, i needed that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Dee Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Ha ha ha ha. Classic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i11igul Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 is the whole book filled with shit exactly like the above quoted, if so it sounds like something i could get into, good stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoink Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 what about one of the "snipers" defense quotes... "There's three truths. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I always thought there was just one truth," Exsqueeze me? what the fuck are you trying to say!?!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Do you..........................voodoo? Ha ha, that one was the best by far Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 Bumplestreos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
type R Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 are you sexually active? -no, i just lay there. :D awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taco bell bomber Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Q: The youngest son, the twenty year-old, how old is he? __________________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fr8lover Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Originally posted by Poop Man Bob _______________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. YES! hahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffie Crave Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. __________________ hahahahahahahaahahahahahahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Peanut Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. i love it. that guy totally shat on that lawyer. hahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiffer Jet Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 hahaha that's great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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