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Real (Strange) Sex Laws

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Ethreadzny2, Jul 28, 2004.

  1. Ethreadzny2

    Ethreadzny2 12oz Veteran Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2003
    Messages:
    6,255

    Real (Strange) Sex Laws

    Discussion started by Ethreadzny2 - Jul 28, 2004

    (hey this may be done before, but if it hasnt enjoy, if not look the other way).

    Real (Strange) Sex Laws

    In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

    In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

    In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

    An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

    The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

    In Michigan a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

    It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

    In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

    Under Lebanese law, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is expressly forbidden.

    A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

    In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

    Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England--but only in tropical fish stores.

    In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex and is considered sodomy. The same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activity with each other.

    In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

    In the state of Utah, sex with an animal--unless performed for profit--is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

    Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered species (except for insects) in public or private sexual displays, shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex.

    In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to keep strangers from peeking in.

    In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

    It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.

    In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

    A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

    It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

    Sodomy laws have been repealed--or are ignored--in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced not long ago to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home. His predicament has apparently been a source of considerable amusement to other inmates.

    An Oklahoma state representative once proposed a bill requiring that a man explain the dangers of pregnancy and obtain a woman's written consent before the two could legally engage in sexual intercourse.

    In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

    No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

    Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you--or holding you in his arms.

    Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown--if they're nude.

    In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

    The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

    An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.

    A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

    In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job--for men only--called a corset inspector.)

    However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

    It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

    Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

    Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

    In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

    A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

    Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio--a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

    No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

    Liquor and sex always seem to go together, even in the writing of laws. Maryland prohibits the selling of condoms through vending machines in gas stations and stores--with one major exception. Prophylactics may be dispensed by a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

    Vending-machine condom sales, on the other hand, are banned in such states as Hawaii, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Yes, you may purchase a pack of gum, a candy bar, some potato chips, or a soft drink from a vending machine--but, alas, absolutely no condoms!

    And in Texas, no one other than a "registered pharmacist" may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives "on the streets or other public places." No, not even physicians! Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of "unlawfully practicing medicine."

    No one may purchase a package of condoms at a corner drugstore anywhere in Nebraska. Only physicians can sell them while practicing medicine. In Arkansas, condoms can be sold only by physicians and other medical practitioners. Delaware allows the sale of condoms only by doctors and wholesale druggists.

    Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers. Maine, on the other hand, licenses condom sellers, and the license must always be on public display.

    Nevada, with thirty-five legal bordellos, has no condom problem; the law there requires that condoms be made readily available at each brothel. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory. No condom, no sex.

    Willowdale, Oregon, has a funny law regarding the use of profanity between a married couple. It's illegal for a husband to curse or swear during lovemaking. But a wife is allowed to whisper the identical naughty words in her hubby's ear while in the act.

    Be extremely careful if you're a skating instructor and decide to relocate to Indiana or Ohio. Both of these enlightened states have odd laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This atrocious misdeed, called "the seduction of female students" in the ludicrous legislation, is prosecuted as a felony! This particular statute apparently applies only to male teachers. It seems that female skating instructors may have sex with male students.

    Authorities in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, passed a special piece of legislation governing sexual activities in the toll-collection booths on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The law, which pertains only to female toll collectors, prohibits them from engaging in sex with a truck driver in the confines of a booth. Any woman violating this law will be fired for "behavior unbecoming an employee." (If for any reason the transgressor is later reinstated, she won't be allowed back pay.)

    If you happen to be visiting Connorsville, Wisconsin, and are in the throes of lovemaking, be mighty cautious how you celebrate when everything ends on a perfect note. You could get into some legal difficulties. City fathers have banned lovers from shooting a gun when the female partner has an orgasm. (Setting off firecrackers may be safely assumed to be legal for this purpose, as the law makes no mention of anything other than a gun.)

    Clinton, Oklahoma, is apparently a community with unusually high moral standards. The city fathers have banned local men from masturbating while observing a couple making love in the back seat of a parked car in a drive-in theater. Such a peeper can be fined and jailed for "molesting a vehicle."

    North Carolina has a law on the books against "Peeping Toms," but the legislation is somewhat biased! It's illegal in that state for a man to peep through a window at a woman--yet it's not against the law for a woman to peep into a room occupied by a man. (Nor is it a violation of the law if a man peeps at another man!)

    California husbands and wives can both still get a fifteen year penitentiary term for engaging in certain sexual practices. They are specifically prohibited from engaging in any oral activities even in the privacy of their own bedroom.

    Try to avoid going through Skullbone, Tennessee, if you desire a little sex while driving. The law there bans a woman from "pleasuring a man" while he is sitting behind the wheel of any moving vehicle. Any man stopped and found with the front of his pants undone can be fined a minimum of $50 and serve thirty days in jail.

    In Oblong, Illinois, it's strictly against the law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day! No man may legally fool around with his new bride while out in the wilds on this special day.

    Married, yet want to mess around a little on the side? If so, be careful where you decide to play. In California, adultery is punishable by a $1,000 fine and/or one year in prison. But adultery in Arkansas is much cheaper--offenders are fined a mere $20 to $100.

    If you live in Michigan and feel an uncontrollable desire to have a fulfilling physical encounter with someone of the opposite sex, please restrain yourself! Take a trip to Texas or Virginia before succumbing to your sensual desires. Why? Because single guys and gals who are caught in the act in Michigan can be fined as much as $5,000, and they could be sentenced to as many as five years in prison. Single adults in Texas who are apprehended while having sex are charged with a misdemeanor and given a $500 fine. On the other hand, singles in Virginia who get caught spend no time in jail, and the fine is a paltry $20 to $100, according to the court's judgment.

    Branchville, South Carolina, retains a wonderful old piece of loony legalese covering those who "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together, in a public or non-public place." The amorous couple can be punished with a $500 fine and as much as a six-month prison term.

    Single folks have it relatively easy in Rhode Island. This state still prohibits unmarried people from partaking of bedroom activities under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers are both fined $10.

    Unmarried adults in Arizona who decide to fool around a little are committing a serious felony! Anyone single, man or woman, caught having sex can be sent to the penitentiary for three full years.

    Many variations of sexual fun and games have apparently been a popular pastime in societies throughout history. Ancient Roman art regularly depicts quite a number of these activities. So does the art of bygone Greece. Drawings by the ancient Egyptians include the same things. It's found even in paintings done by prehistoric cave dwellers. Despite such artistic license, many of the United States still punish certain bedroom antics rather severely. For example, South Dakota (Compiled Laws 22-22-21) threatens a ten-year prison term for "copulation by means of mouth." Utah (Code 76-53-22) has made this same act a misdemeanor; there, oral sex brings a six-month jail term and a $299 fine. Rhode Island (General Laws 11-10-1) labels it an "'abominable, detestable crime against nature," and such activity brings a seven-to-ten-year stretch in the penitentiary. It is outlawed in New Mexico (Statutes 40-A-9-6), where participation is punishable by a $5,000 fine and a two-to-ten-year sentence. Florida (Statutes 800.01) chastises with a twenty-year prison sentence those who take part in this act.

    Maryland still has a unique law on the books regarding what it calls "perverted" or "unnatural" sex acts. The law is one of the most explicitly worded in the nation: "Every person who shall be convicted of taking into his or her mouth the sexual organ of any other person or animal, or who shall be convicted of placing his or her sexual organ in the mouth of any other person or animal, shall be fined."

    Men can still be arrested and punished for the crime of "patronizing a prostitute." This is the law in such places as New York, Kansas, Illinois, and Connecticut--which gives a "john" three years in prison. Go to Kansas if you really must do business with a hooker. It's only one month in jail and a $500 fine for anyone who gets caught. Better yet, visit Nevada, where prostitution is legal. (The state actually has had within its borders an organization called the Nevada Brothel Association!)

    A gentleman can be incarcerated for from one to ten years in an Arizona or Washington, D.C., prison for causing his wife to be a prostitute." A man can also get ten years in Arkansas and twenty years in Maine and Michigan for placing" his spouse in a brothel. And in Missouri it's a "high misdemeanor" for a fellow to "force" his wife to sell sexual services on the streets.

    Don't import an Asian woman and make her a prostitute in California. If you're caught, you could get a year in prison and a $500 fine.

    Buckfield, Maine, has a rather unusual law regarding cab drivers and sex. The legislation declares that no taxi driver "will be allowed" to charge a fare to any passenger who gives him sexual favors" in return for a ride home from a nightclub or other "establishment which serves alcoholic beverages," or any "place of business" selling liquor.

    Carlsbad, New Mexico, retains a law making it illegal under certain conditions for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work. The car or van must have tightly drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking inside while the activity is taking place.

    It's against the law in Beanville, Vermont, for a road map to be printed and sold or given away if it contains advertising of a "lewd or lascivious nature." The ban specifically includes ads for massage parlors and hot tubs, as both are believed to be of a "sensual bent."

    Taking an extended vacation trip in the wilderness? Like to have a refreshing bath now and then? Well, think twice before you do when camping anywhere near Cattle Creek, Colorado. An old law there bans a man or his wife from making love while bathing "in any lake, river or stream." In other words, anyone who wants to fool around while bathing must do so in a tub, or not at all.

    Incredible as this may sound, it's against the law to make love to a virgin, whatever the circumstances, anywhere in the state of Washington. According to the wording of the legislation, it's a major crime even to marry and then spend the night with a virgin bride in this enlightened area of the nation. Washington's unique legislation reads: "Every person who shall seduce and have sexual intercourse with any female of previously chaste character shall be punished by imprisonment in the state penitentiary for not more than five (5) years or in the county jail for not more than one (1) year or by a fine of $1000 or by both fine and imprisonment."

    Liberty Corner, New Jersey, is a place for lovers to avoid if they enjoy making out in an automobile. If the horn accidentally sounds while a couple is having sex in the front seat of a car, it's considered to be an obnoxious activity." Each of the participants can be fined.

    Anniston, Alabama, certainly isn't paradise for a liberated woman who might enjoy making love in a pool hall. An old ordinance bans women from using promises of certain physical activities to pay off a bet on a match they are playing. Nor may they initiate sex while hanging around a pool hall.

    No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of quiet little Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman is charged with a "sexual misdemeanor," and her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The male isn't charged with anything, nor is his name revealed.

    Bozeman, Montana, has legislation that bans sexual activity between members of the opposite gender who are found nude in the front yard of a home after the sun goes down. (If doing it in the front yard while naked is outlawed, then making love while wearing socks or other items of clothing must be okay!)

    Women who go out on the streets alone at night in Kansas City, Kansas, can be arrested under an obscure 1901 city ordinance. Any unattended females can be picked up by the police if they are "in the streets or any public place without lawful business and without giving a good accounting of themselves."

    The law in Cottonwood, Arizona, says nothing about a couple making love in a car with a flat tire. But lawmakers there did ban people from doing this while inside an automobile with "flat wheels." If the vehicle with flat wheels is parked, and you're caught making love in the front seat, it's a $25 fine. But if you're caught playing around while in the back seat, the fine is doubled if your offense is making love while driving such a flat-wheeled vehicle, the fine jumps to $100 for the first offense and $150 for all offenses thereafter. (No one has yet been able to define "flat wheels" correctly.)

    There's an odd law governing beds in all Sioux Falls, South Dakota, hotels. Every room is required to have twin beds. And these twin beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

    Connecticut still retains an old law forbidding any kind of "private sexual behavior between consenting adults." This odd law makes absolutely no distinction between married and single couples. Is such a law an indication that Connecticut citizens should "do their thing" in public?

    Would you like to try giving your lover the "cold shoulder"? An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

    The Louisiana House of Representatives believes in keeping up with the times. It hurriedly approved a unique anti-streaking law; under it, streakers can be sentenced to five years in the state penitentiary and given a $2,000 fine for streaking "while intending to arouse the desires of minors." Streaking with only the "intent of arousing sexual desire" brings a violator a $100 fine and one year in prison. If it can be proven beyond doubt to the court that the streaker had "no lascivious intent," no fine or jail term is imposed.

    Buggery in Nebraska (Revised Statutes 28-919) is never to be treated lightly! So-called buggery, or anal copulation, can bring a whopping twenty years in the penitentiary. And buggery in Pennsylvania (Statute 4501) is deadly serious as well. It can bring transgressors a $5,000 fine and ten years at hard labor.

    South Carolina's Code of Laws 16-412 includes "the abominable crime of buggery." A $500 fine and five years in prison are the punishment. Buggery in Maryland (Code Sections 553 and 554) brings a one- to ten-year prison term. Kansas (Statute 21-3505) treats buggery more lightly. Anyone in Kansas caught engaging in this activity draws a maximum sentence of six months in jail.

    Indiana and Wyoming both have laws against anyone's enticing, alluring, instigating, or helping a person under twenty-one to masturbate. This activity is known in legal circles as an act of "self pollution."

    Five years in prison for masturbation? Yes! Michigan law prescribes such a stringent sentence for a man who engages "in acts of gross indecency, either in public or private." This includes mutual masturbation by two men or the simple act of solitary masturbation.

    New Jersey law threatens men with a three-year sentence for "mutual masturbation." The law covers anyone who, in private, is a party to an act of lewdness or sexual indecency with another."

    One more vehicle-sex law! No one may have sex while riding in the sidecar of a motorcycle in Norfolk, Virginia, where an old ordinance outlaws anyone from doing so while cruising down a city street. Such activity is considered to be a "licentious sexual act."

    When traveling, if you decide to stop overnight in Hastings, Nebraska, be aware of this loony sex law: The owner of every hotel is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No male and female--even if they are married--may sleep together in the nude. Nor may any sexual activity be undertaken except while the couple is attired in one of these plain white cotton nightshirts.

    Procuring or employing an Alabama girl from 10 to 18 years old for prostitution brings a relatively mild $300 to $500 fine and six months in jail. What about a little girl in Alabama under 10 years of age?

    No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath within the limits of Alexandria, Minnesota. Upon the request of his wife, he must brush his teeth or stop the activity immediately.

    And finally, South Dakota takes a back seat to no one when it comes to retaining interesting old laws. Prostitutes there are still prohibited from plying their trade out of a covered wagon!

    SEX LAWS AROUND THE WORLD

    It's "an excusable act of passion" in Colombia, South America, for a man to murder his wayward wife when he finds the woman in bed with her lover. If the husband "personally witnesses the corrupt sexual activity," he's allowed to shoot his unfaithful spouse. Such adultery-related homicides aren't even prosecuted.

    Censorship laws in Brazil are strict. Explicit guidelines govern pornography. No newspaper, magazine, or book is allowed to discuss any aspect of homosexuality. Pictures of nude couples can't be included in any publication. No photographs even "suggesting" sexual activity are allowed. Pictures of babies being delivered are also taboo. Banned, too, are photos of women attired in bikinis or short-shorts. And no more than one bare female breast may legally be shown on any given page of a newspaper, magazine, book, or other publication.

    The use of chili sauce and similar hot spices on jail and prison food is outlawed in Peru. An edict was handed down by the Interior Minister because these items were claimed to "have aphrodisiac qualities" and would "arouse sexual desires." This bureaucrat deemed chili sauce and other spices to be "not appropriate for men who are forced to live a limited life style."

    Don't try to fool around while skinny-dipping anywhere near Georgetown, Guyana. Getting caught while bathing in the nude is punishable with a coat of fresh paint! The bathers are then taken to the outskirts of Georgetown and left to fend for themselves. The law is even tougher in its effort to discourage people from having sex while skinny-dipping. The lovers are first given a coat of paint; then, both parties "will be attached to an ass and taken on a tour of the village." Finally, they'll be dropped at the edge of town and told in no uncertain terms to not bother coming back.

    Sodomy has long been a serious offense in Peru. A person who has engaged in it is first dragged through the streets on a rope. Hanging comes next! Finally, the corpse is burned while fully clothed. This symbolizes the sodomite's total destruction.

    Cautin Province in Chile has an edict banning the hanging on the walls of Playboy centerfolds and other sexy pinups in any home or public building. The reason according to this decree? "It's more worthwhile to admire a good landscape than a photograph of a naked woman."

    In Paramaribo, Suriname, a man who rapes a single woman won't be punished--if the rape victim agrees to marry her attacker.

    Featherbeds were long ago outlawed in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Why? Because "such an indulgence induces and encourages lascivious feelings."

    The alpaca (a variety of llama) appears to be the most popular four-legged bedmate for many single Peruvian guys. So prevalent, apparently, is this sexual deviance that an old law still outlaws the activity. Unmarried young men are prohibited from even having a female alpaca live in their homes or apartments.

    The law in Guatemala pulls no punches in dealing with single women who have been accused of illicit lovemaking. Supposed female "fornicators," when seen in the streets, are to be stopped, spat upon, and beaten by the citizens of the community! Single men aren't punished at all when they've been caught in the act.

    It's against the law in Belize for any man to have sex with or marry his own aunt. Masked vigilantes are allowed to take the law into their own hands and severely punish the lawbreaker, who is tied to a tree and then flogged.

    Passionate kissing in public places has been outlawed in Sorocaba, Brazil. The specific kind of kiss that was banned was "the cinematographic kiss, in which salivas mix to swell the sensuality."

    Panama doesn't mess around when it comes to homosexuals and homosexuality. The law declares: "If any one of these males who commit this vile practice against nature with other males, he shall be degraded, and shall remain in perpetual exile." The penalty meted out for homosexual behavior is castration. The law also covers people who aren't homosexual themselves but associate with homosexuals. "Guilt by association" brings a penalty of a shaven head, one hundred lashes, and banishment.

    The law in Honduras doesn't prohibit homosexuality, yet neither does it condone the practice. Sodomy, however, is strictly banned regardless of whether it's homosexual or heterosexual.

    A man in Matagalpa, Nicaragua, is required by law to divorce his wife as soon as he discovers that she's committed adultery. He's in serious trouble should he fail to do so; the hapless husband may then be prosecuted for his unwillingness to take the proper and necessary course of action. A wife, on the other hand, is not permitted to divorce her husband when he's caught in bed with another woman. Such things are simply to be expected when it comes to men, says the law.

    Peru still keeps on the books an old piece of legislation that dates all the way back to 1583. Passed by the Third Provisional Council of Lima, it states, "If there is anyone among you who commits sodomy, sinning with another man, or with a boy, or with a beast ... Let it be known that it carries the death penalty."

    In Uruguay, a husband who catches his spouse in bed with another man is given an option under the current law. He has the right to kill both the wayward wife and her lover--or he can choose to slice off his wife's nose and castrate her lover!

    It's a violation of the law in Valparaiso, Chile, for any man to marry a certain kind of woman--he must never take for his bride a woman who has committed adultery. Such a woman is to be condemned forever.

    A married woman in La Paz, Bolivia, is not allowed to drink more than a tiny bit of wine. One who does is considered by law to be morally and sexually lax, and her husband may divorce her for one sip too many.

    A married woman in Venezuela may be accused of committing adultery, but a simple unsubstantiated accusation isn't enough to merit her punishment. All the woman has to do is "swear" her innocence and she's cleared of all charges.

    Masturbation is outlawed in French Guiana because of the "danger it presents to the masturbator." The law notes that such a physical act "is recognized as a common cause of insanity." Ridiculous? Well, it wasn't but a few years ago that young people in the United States were taught that masturbation would make them go blind!

    El Salvador certainly isn't the best place for a married woman to have a fling. Any "married woman who lies with the male who is not her husband" can get a six-year prison term and a $30 fine. The amount of the fine is awarded to the woman's husband as his indemnity!

    A husband in Honduras is guilty of adultery only when he has a mistress and when he "keeps her in a notorious manner."

    A person can be arrested in San Jose, Costa Rica, for "keeping a common bawdy house." Or he or she may be charged with "keeping a place...for the practice of indecency."

    A woman can legally be a prostitute in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. But it's against the law for a prostitute to solicit customers on the streets or in other public places.

    Having sex with a relative is a serious infraction in Santa Ana, El Salvador. Anyone who violates this law is punished either by exile or by hanging. (The choice isn't left up to the lawbreaker.)

    In Limon, Costa Rica, both parties in an adulterous relationship are in for real trouble: Each person is subject to being beaten and drowned in punishment for their deed.

    The law among the Tupies of Brazil stipulates that once a woman is married, she's required to be faithful. The same standard doesn't apply to the husband. He's allowed to have as many mistresses as he can afford to keep.

    Adultery isn't always a crime in Caracas, Venezuela. It depends on how long a couple has been married. Anyone, male or female, can play around and not be prosecuted, so long as they've been married for fewer than twelve months. After one full year of marital bliss, the same sexual activities become serious criminal offenses.

    Young women in Bogoti, Colombia, are not permitted to be out alone on the streets after the sun goes down. Why? Because other people might think that they are prostitutes. The law allows the police to arrest such suspects.

    A widow in Paramaribo, Suriname, who plans to remarry is required by law to first make love with a man. The statute even specifies who should be her bed partner: a member of her deceased husband's immediate family.

    The law in Montevideo, Uruguay, bans a man from making love to his wife during her menstrual period. Nor is he allowed even to touch her between the waist and the knees. Anyone who violates this law is fined and publicly administered 200 lashes.

    Personal revenge is allowed by law in Paraguari, Paraguay, when a man catches his wife in bed with someone else. He's permitted to kill his wife's lover, and his adulterous spouse, on the spot. But the wronged husband must take immediate action to be considered guiltless under this law--he isn't allowed to wait and do it later. On the other hand, a wife who catches her mate in bed with a lover is not entitled to any of these privileges.

    The law in Durango, Mexico, governs when a couple may have sex after the woman's period begins. Five days must be allowed from the start of the menstrual flow. Seven more days must pass for "purification." A husband must not touch his wife in any manner with his hands. Then, after these twelve days have passed, the woman must bathe. Only then can the couple make love. Anyone caught violating this old law could receive the death penalty!

    A bride in Ecuador had better be prepared for her wedding night. According to the law, the girl can be returned to her parents if her new husband determines that she is not a virgin.

    When a bride is deflowered in Cali, Colombia, the law says, it must be done by the husband while making love. And this initial lovemaking must take place while the bride's mother sits close by and witnesses the activity.

    Promiscuity isn't illegal in Valencia, Venezuela, so long as it's kept within certain specified boundaries. The single man or woman, says the law, shouldn't ever have sex with anyone who's deformed or who is known to be an "idiot."

    Single women in Costa Rica are banned from all forms of sex. Activities specifically prohibited by the law include prostitution, fornication, and "any kind of lewd activities or behavior" with a man.

    A law found in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, won't allow a man of any age to engage in sex with certain relatives and other people. Specific taboo relatives include the man's mother and his mother's sister. Nor may he have a sexual relationship with an unrelated woman and her daughter at the same time.

    The Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was apparently a man much obsessed with unique sexual legislation especially the more loony kind. He dreamed up quite a number of oddball laws with which he could further subjugate his fellow Iranians. According to one of the great Ayatollah's decrees, lovemaking during times of fasting was illegal in Iran. His edict read: "Coitus invalidates the fast, even if the penis has penetrated the vagina only as far as the circumcision scar, and even if ejaculation does not occur. If the penis does not penetrate up to the circumcision scar, and no ejaculation takes place, the fast is valid. If a man cannot determine with certainty to what length his penis has penetrated the vagina, even if he has gone past the circumcision scar, the fast is nonetheless valid.

    Lawmakers in Jordan have legislated what they consider to be the most desirable amount of sexual activity between married couples. A husband, they order, is to make love "with the wife at least once every four months."

    In Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, the police can arrest a person for "committing an action that would be harmful to the general public." This might be the official charge for something as harmless as kissing a woman on her cheek in a public place. The penalty is ten days in jail for both the kisser and the kissee. The action could even be adultery! And adultery in Abu Dhabi is punishable by death. It's all according to who makes the arrest and what the arresting officer happens to write down at the time.

    Conviction of adultery in an Islamic court depends entirely on the testimony of four male witnesses or eight female witnesses. Or an accused woman can condemn herself. All she must do is stand and admit three times that she actually committed the criminal act!

    Saudi Arabia treats adulterers with firmness. Both of the guilty parties are quickly picked up by the authorities. They are securely tied in a cloth sack and stoned to death. Or the penalty for adultery might be somewhat more humane, according to the way the Saudis look at things. The guilty woman may be shot in front of her illicit lover, who is then publicly beheaded.

    "Sperm is always impure," decreed the Ayatollah Khomeini, "whether it comes from coitus or from involuntary emissions while asleep." Therefore, Iranians are forced by law to go through ablution--or the ritualistic washing away of impurities as in a religious rite--after being involved in certain kinds of sexual activities. (Ablution isn't necessary, however, if the sperm stays inside the woman's vagina after lovemaking is completed.)

    According to Iranian law, a man is required to perform his ablutions if he ejaculates while having sexual relations with an animal.

    Citizens of most Middle Eastern countries are forbidden to eat lamb under certain circumstances covered by Islamic law. The law reads, "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." In Oman, if a man has sex with a camel, a cow, or a ewe, the law says that the animal's milk becomes impure and is no longer suitable for human consumption. Oman law requires that the animal must immediately be killed and then burned! The person who sodomized the beast is required to pay its owner the dead animal's full market value.

    In Lebanon, only men are legally allowed to have sex with animals. But the gender of the animal is important--it must always be female. A man's having sexual relations with a male animal is considered a mortal sin and brings a death penalty for those who get caught.

    Also according to Lebanese law, public wrath requires that a woman be executed for fornicating with any animal--wild or domesticated!

    And to end this treatise on animals and sex, the law in Iran actually suggests that sex play by their male population "with wild animals is not recommended, especially with a lioness." What is recommended instead is coitus with domesticated animals such as dogs, cats, donkeys, lambs and, yes, of all things--pigeons!

    Sodomy is also commonplace in parts of the Middle East. Again, special legislation can be found in Iran to cover this form of sexual activity. The law declares that if a man's penis fully penetrates another man's anus, ablution is also a necessity, but this time for both parties to the sex act!

    Kuwait covers all the bases when it comes to sexual feelings. It's illegal there for a married man to glance at another woman "in a sensual manner." Nor can any male, married or single, lustfully look at a statue of a female or at a female animal!

    And in Syria, a man is forbidden to "look at the body of a woman who is not his wife under any circumstances. It is also forbidden for a woman to look at the body of a man who is not her husband. It is forbidden to look at the genitals of others, even in the mirror or in a pool's reflection."

    According to Iranian law, Islamic religious laws "must be obeyed and carried out by all--without exception and without argument. There is no other right, no other duty but obedience." This Middle Eastern country's Retribution Bill details the punishments for sex-related crimes such as fornication, homosexual activity, prostitution, and being a pimp. Each of these is punishable by death. Public morality is strictly enforced. Any man or woman even accused of adultery is shot.

    Prostitution is a serious criminal offense in Yemen. How are transgressors punished? They are simply rounded up and publicly beheaded! (This is a lot different from the United States, where prostitutes form political organizations, appear on television talk shows, and write books about their experiences!)

    No type of contraceptive may be brought into Saudi Arabia under any circumstances. The passage of legislation banning contraceptives quickly followed a World Moslem League ruling that "birth control was invented by the enemies of Islam." Anyone caught smuggling condoms, other contraceptive devices, or birth-control pills into the country is punished with a term of six months in prison.

    Any and all forms of preventing conception are strictly prohibited by law throughout Qatar: "The kingdom needs more and more males for work, and more and more females to bear and raise babies."

    Even physicians are thoroughly covered by Middle Eastern law when it comes to checking a woman's pubic area. Lawmakers in Bahrain have decreed that a male doctor can legally examine a woman's genitals. But any examination must be done indirectly. Says the law, "If a doctor must touch a woman's genitalia for medical reasons, he must not look directly at her genitals. He may do this only by seeing their reflection in a mirror."

    Egypt has an unusual piece of loony legislation that prohibits a woman from belly dancing unless her navel is covered with gauze. Technically, according to this law, a female in Egypt may dance in public while wearing absolutely nothing more than a piece of gauze on her belly button.

    Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi's Libya has a scale of prices to be paid for prospective wives by eligible single men. They must be willing to pay the equivalent of as much as $35,000, a handful of gold coins, one healthy camel, and a number of sheep. All of these things go to the bride-to-be's father. Many Libyan males who can't afford these prices travel to Egypt and Tunisia, where a wife can be had for around $200.

    The law in Doha, Qatar, even covers a naked Muslim woman who is surprised by a man while bathing or dressing. The woman is commanded first to cover her face, not her body.

    In King Ibn Saud's Saudi Arabia, rapists are held in jail until Friday of each week (Friday in Saudi Arabia is the Sabbath). They are then taken from the jail and dragged to the town square. Each rapist is unceremoniously beheaded right after the midday prayers are concluded.

    No unmarried woman in Qatar is allowed to give birth. Such a woman is banned from using any hospital in the region. Nor can she receive any kind of medical assistance. A pregnant female who happens to be single must either flee the country or do the best she can by going it alone.

    A rigorous code of Muslim sexual behavior was passed down by Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini. His followers in Iran and throughout the Middle East uphold these as holy laws to be applied sternly. They are to be obeyed and are not subject to change. Here are a number of Khomeini's most unusual sex-related laws.

    What does a person who isn't able to hide his or her genitals with "anything in particular when undressed" do? The hand is a suitable covering, according to the law.

    Eating the meat of donkeys, horses, or mules is against the law if the animal when alive was sodomized by a Muslim man. If this transpired, the animal must immediately "be taken outside the city and sold."

    A man who perspires when he ejaculates doesn't have to worry according to Muslim law. His sweat isn't impure, but he's not allowed to pray so long as his clothing or body are still sweaty.

    What must a Muslim man do who makes love to his wife when he should be abstaining) The fellow is required to avoid praying so long as he feels or looks as if he is still sweating from the illicit activity.

    The law clearly states that a Muslim man can't marry a woman who was breast-fed as a baby by his grandmother or his mother.

    Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. The person undertaking the cleansing ritual commits a serious violation of the law if he or she sneaks a peek. The sex organs of a dead person must always be covered with a brick or a piece of wood during the ritual.

    A Muslim man who makes love to his aunt isn't allowed to marry her daughters, his first cousins. But a man who marries his first cousin and then commits adultery with her mother can't get an annulment.

    A Muslim man who gets married and then makes love to his wife is somewhat restrained insofar as his future sex life. He is strictly prohibited from making love to his wife's daughter or granddaughter, even if they are hers by a previous marriage.

    Muslim males are also banned from marrying their own mother, sister, stepmother, or mother-in-law. Nor may they make love to their wife's paternal or maternal grandmothers or her great-grandmothers.

    When a Muslim woman begins to menstruate while having sex, the man must immediately withdraw. If he can't and ejaculates instead, the fellow must, per the law, donate money to the poor. If he can't afford this, then something, however little, must be given to a beggar on the streets. Should this not be possible, the man then must, as a last resort, beg for God's forgiveness.

    Marriage contracts commonly guarantee a wife's virginity in the Middle East. If the woman turns out not to be a virgin as promised, the husband may have their marriage annulled.

    A Muslim husband is in serious trouble if he's incapable of making love to his wife. Under these circumstances, she's allowed by law to have the marriage annulled, and the husband is required to pay her damages (one-half of the dowry as spelled out in the marriage contract).

    A married Muslim woman who is caught committing adultery must be sternly repudiated by her husband. After the husband finally divorces the unfaithful woman, however, he must pay her the full amount of her dowry.

    No Muslim wife may refuse or even ignore her husband's sexual advances. Any woman who does is to be judged guilty and can't get food, clothing, and a place to live from him. Nor can such a woman ask her husband to have sex with her in the future. However, should they divorce, he must pay her damages that constitute part or all of her dowry.

    In recent decades, China has indoctrinated its citizens to ignore their sexual interests. Transgressors are severely chastised. Is prostitution punished? Yes! And with heavy penalties. Nevertheless, officially speaking, there are no laws against prostitution anywhere in Red China. Why? Because, according to a member of the Communist Chinese Foreign Ministry in Beijing, "There is no prostitution in China. However, we do have some women who make love for money."

    Bestiality laws in Bangkok, Thailand? There are none. Any man who "forcibly subdues and has sexual intercourse" with a female dog is merely charged with Cruelty to animals." The culprit is fined a small amount of money. If the female dog happens to be in heat, the fine is slightly higher.

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    Ethreadzny2 - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  2. GamblersGrin

    GamblersGrin 12oz Elite Member

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    GamblersGrin - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    oh fuck me
     
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  3. slave_one

    slave_one 12oz Elite Member

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    slave_one - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex and is considered sodomy. The same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activity with each other.
    _______________________________________

    you sodomizers!
     
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  4. CrazyLazy

    CrazyLazy 12oz Senior Member

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    CrazyLazy - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    Hahaha. I didn't read all of them, but the ones that I did read were quite funny.
     
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  5. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo 12oz Veteran Member

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    ClueTwo - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    I'm going to need my lawyer for this..
     
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  6. Mr. Peanut

    Mr. Peanut 12oz Elite Member

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    Mr. Peanut - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    shit...i read alot of them and still didn't get very far. some of those are classic.

    "In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day."
    awwwwwwww damnit!!
     
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  7. StarzAbove

    StarzAbove 12oz Veteran Member

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    StarzAbove - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    Many of these laws are so funny!
     
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  8. High Priest

    High Priest 12oz Elite Member

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    High Priest - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    This makes alot of sense to me, and Andy Richter's new show totally sucks a fuck.
     
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  9. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

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    Kr430n5_666 - Replied Jul 28, 2004

    study hard
     
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  10. onthelam

    onthelam 12oz Junior Member

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    onthelam - Replied Jul 29, 2004

    this country has some otherass laws....but godamn 2 or 3 of those south american countries had laws it was cool to kill ur wife if she cheats on u and castrate the guy she was cheating on u with
     
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  11. vinyl junkie

    vinyl junkie 12oz Elite Member

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    vinyl junkie - Replied Jul 29, 2004

    man... that just kept on going...
     
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  12. zintckva

    zintckva 12oz Junior Member

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    zintckva - Replied Aug 22, 2004

    this is wack
     
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  13. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

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    iloveboxcars - Replied Aug 22, 2004

    only if you arent in england.
     
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  14. ¤¤FoRGE²¤¤

    ¤¤FoRGE²¤¤ 12oz Member

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    ¤¤FoRGE²¤¤ - Replied Aug 22, 2004

    ^^^:lol:
     
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  15. why write?

    why write? 12oz Veteran Member

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    why write? - Replied Aug 22, 2004

    funny post...some of these laws are just straight ridiculous though...
     
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