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Please take a minute and help poor Billy.

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Oct 23, 2002.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    E-mail I received.

    My name is Billy Evans, and I'm a nine-year-old boy. My
    mother is typing this for me because I can't. She is crying.
    The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born
    without a body. It don't hurt much, except when I try to
    breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a
    burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the
    best they could do on account of us having no money or

    I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more
    money. Mommy don't work because she said nobody hires crying
    people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy." and she hugged my burlap
    bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to
    burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad. I hope
    you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to
    everyone you know and to everyone you don't know, too.

    Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this
    email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to
    NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school
    children all over America and have the astronauts take them up
    into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they
    will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up
    a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors.
    The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will
    be able to really play baseball. Right now I can only be third

    Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take
    more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming
    true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I
    don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

    If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says
    you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a
    poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't
    stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes
    you die a long, slow, horrible death and then burn forever in

    What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five
    freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that
    they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless
    nine-year-old boy?

    Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish
    I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hit
    a kitty so it wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in
    the leaves of my burlap body.

    I wish I could have that body very much.

    Thank You,

    Billy "Smiley" Evans
  2. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    Let's all join together and help Billy.

  3. juggernaut

    juggernaut Member

    Joined: Nov 12, 2001 Messages: 414 Likes Received: 0
    fucking dumb.
    a little bit of it was funny, though.;)
  4. angry xbox

    angry xbox Guest

    what the fuck??? who the hell wrote that ima shove my foot up thier ass.
  5. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    honestly, I had to change my email address because of shit like this being sent to me. nice post. I might have to send this off to a couple of people just to let them know that they're dumb.

    and what's wrong with third base???
  6. Hello to all who receive this letter. On July 3rd, 2000, seven-year-old
    Jessica Miller was recovered from her father's 1986 Chevy Lumina- a place
    she had called home for all of her life. After being discovered alive,
    was rushed to Oakville Baptist Hospital where she stayed in intensive care
    for two weeks before making an emotional recovery. Sadly, three days
    later she went into total relapse and died.

    Friends, while on her deathbed (the second time) young Jessica told her
    mother (who arrived as soon as she found out her daughter was going to be
    on Dateline NBC) that her last dying wish was for the US to finally land
    on the
    moon. After discovering that that had happened, she changed her dying
    wish to wanting her condition upgraded from "almost dead" to "very much
    alive". Young Jessica took a pen and paper and began writing a poem and a
    letter to
    be sent around the world to know about her tribulations.

    The poem and letter are here:

    By Jessica Miller

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I'm dying
    This sucks.

    Dear world,
    My name is Jessica Miller and I am 7 years old. When I was born, my
    mother left me with my father, who locked me in the trunk of his Lumina
    for 7 years without food and water. While there, I got head cancer and
    secondhand smoke. And fetal alcohol syndrome. And the flu.
    Please have sympathy for me, a dying child whom you have never met. For every person that you send this to, the America-Future and Keepsake Environment (A-FAKE) will donate 75 cents to the Save the Children from Dying Too Much foundation. Those 75 cents will go towards putting my brain in a frozen tube as doctors work on developing an artificial heart to replace the goopy cancerous heart that currently pulses blood through my young, crappy body. Please have a better heart then mine (ha!) and send this letter to all of your friends.
    Andrew Klondike of Madison, Wisconsin sent this letter to five of his friends, and he got a promotion the next day. Bill Winters of Topeka, Kansas sent this letter to 100 of his friends and received 3 million dollars from the lottery 5 minutes later. Ed Fennel of Medina, New York deleted this letter and immediately exploded. Please sign your name and send this letter around the world for the sake of the universe. Even you can prevent forest fires.

    Jessica Miller.

    Sadly, Jessica died while signing her name. But if we join together we
    can bring her back! We must do this! Imagine a world without Jessica.
    Who would be there to swing on the swing-set with you, or to play patty
    cake with you? We cannot just let her die without a fight! Let is stand
    up for the freedom of America! We are the few, the proud! We land men on the moon!!!

    Please sign below:
  7. vinyl junkie

    vinyl junkie Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 17, 2002 Messages: 4,725 Likes Received: 0
    you guys suck... that first one is fucking awesome...

  8. Laughing hysterically right now...
  9. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 622

    i'd rather have that body...