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pissed and depressed with a pistol;pointed at my head

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by bogie, Nov 8, 2001.

  1. bogie

    bogie Guest

    hi,how are you?
    im a nice guy...well,compared to how i used to be.i used to be like this animal.now that i have grown to understand a couple of things;i am stuck only with the should'ves and could'ves.
    you see,im in love.i have loved this girl for my entire life.i can only fantisize what it would be like to hold her to love her,unconditionally.
    thats nit the problem.the problem is i have fucked up my life.i have lost motivation,i have lost the will.
    i smoke too much weed;that i dont even pay for and i have a hard time trying to find something for me.
    its funny,because my family wants me to join the armed forces...hahaha
    if you know willy!wonka,you'll know me and im not about to join somebody's military..i have other talents beside pourin my blood out to a country that thrives on it.
    im really in tears right now,when i think of who i could have become...to who i am now.i wan to give up.bin laden wants to kill me and im ok with that,i want it.
    we are overpopulated......
    we dont love our nieghbors,we find ways to look better when in fact we rot inside of our lies.
    i hate assholes..if i had a super power it would be to reach trhough this screen an ring the necks of little punks who talk shit...
    im just gonna end this now.
    fucking cruel world......your bed is what you make of it
  2. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 41
    dont bother doing it man, im gonna do it to me for you and myself and evryone else. fuck everything. stupid girls.
  3. beardo

    beardo Guest

    i can relate on about 90% of that. my only advice, and this is how im getting by, all you can do is tough it out, because one day shit wont be that bad. shit will work out in the end. go for a walk or something.
  4. Dying To Live

    Dying To Live Junior Member

    Joined: May 25, 2001 Messages: 111 Likes Received: 0
    girls fuckin piss me off...
    if you do get over her, she's only gonna get replaced by somebody else...
    i want to say "try not to let it get to you", but that would make me a hipocrite...
    all i can say is youre not the only one out there
  5. seeking

    seeking Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 25, 2000 Messages: 32,277 Likes Received: 235
    i dont know if you pay attention to any of the stuff i write on here. no, not the stuff where i make fun of (ence for beign a cop, but the 'real' stuff.... trust me man, i know what it feels like to think nothing is worth living for. your by far not the only one. i'm willing to bet there isnt a single one among us that couldnt be helped by some time at the shrinks... just hang in there dude, things will get better... there are other girls... there are other days... death is boring. it might seem like an easy answer, but its not much fun. you cant bomb if your dead...
  6. nemesis14

    nemesis14 New Jack

    Joined: Jul 11, 2001 Messages: 16 Likes Received: 0
    i am heavilly depressed and used to smoke a lot of weed.first advice: Quit smoking weed. its helped me a lot.second:dont listen to your parents. im in a military school, and getting yelled at daily fucks u up even more. also, if you have a girlfriend, get rid of her.girls are just extra baggage that brings you to shit.
  7. dBUSH

    dBUSH Guest

    are you out of weed or something?
  8. bogie

    bogie Guest

    hahahha,yes Dbush,yes i am..this girl isnt the prob.she is more of a inspiration if anything...im the problem...i dont have the tingsi want for myself and the things i would like to provide...girls arent that bad...she is the one my heart calls for.i still flirt with others and try to get laid...but she knows,she's down.....if it were gonna come to the time,i would like her to be with me.....
  9. sectorTVA

    sectorTVA Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 8, 2000 Messages: 1,272 Likes Received: 1
    just remember theres always someone in alot worse of a situation than you...i used to think i got "depressed" but it was a very mild depression, with thoughts that only toyed with the idea of suicide...i will never think that way again after observing my mom...she hasnt eatin in over a week, shes lost over 10 pounds...we checked her into the local psychiatric hospital where she was on suicide watch for a week, she was just released today. now shes on 2 anitidepressants and she still is depressed...she has to keep appointments with a shrink and talk her problems out. i am serious when i say she is depressed, ive never imagined how bad a severely depressed person would look like, mom is in terrible shape right now, i tried to draw a conversation with her today, she just stared blankly at the television which wasnt even on, no response to me what so ever. she has slept 2 nights in the past 15 days, tonite is her 3rd night of sleep thanks to some medication the doctors prescribed...terible times...
  10. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 41
    fuck. my depression is getting worse, and i know the cause, but its a double edged sword, its also thecause of my happiness and sanity....

    SIELOETTE Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 13, 2000 Messages: 1,107 Likes Received: 0
    I used to think..That no one would mind if i took my own life..It was always an option..But its not fair to yourself..Or everyone who loves you..If you have any siblings..picture them right now..Or good friends for that matter..Someone taking their own life.,.is one of the worst things to go through..And You have to wonder how dramtic they felt..right before they left the world..Did they feel famous..on a one person stage really..Was this going to pay back everyone who had hurt them..? No...

    Its not..they will never see their childrens faces again..or their parents actually apologize for their upbringing..they willnever lay with someone who loves them unconditionally..they will never feel water..or the small insecurities that flutter and turn into hope..seriously..No matter how down and out everything is...I at one point..thought i couldnt handle it any longer...and came to the terms that I actually love this place..and these faces..and the hills all of us retards have to climb..to make even more goals..A girl is not the reason man..and neither is war...theres something else...but shit thats your mission ya know..kill that worry....work on your self..grow stronger than you were..and be happy you beat it..

    and make it your goal to get yourself into a more positive enviroment..

  12. bogie

    bogie Guest

    very true,but damn people,i know i like to talk about her...but its not her.
    im in that little place i like to call"shit"...i got a shovel...oh yes.and im digging through it....and i dont like it at all.if,you know what i mean.?
    the girl is a "realistic fantacy" so to speak.i love her.:D to wanna blow my head off is a never....
    do you ever get those times when you seem to get all of un-needed stress all at once?
    thats what it is.....
    i dont like what goes on the daily life for me.....
    i bomb and work and smoke and bomb and sleep and wake and sit and eat and work and bomb and sleep and smoke and eat and work and sleep and bomb and play games on the internet and sleep and smoke and sleep and shit and eat and bomb and shit and shit and shit and shit and bomb and shit and go out writing and eat and smoke and shit and bomb and sleep and smoke and shit and eat and clean and eat and shit...

    thats all i do...and get into good talks with some people.....
    things are very strange for me right now........i have neve livin like this and i dont like the feeling of sinking and getting stuck.
    a lot of people i meet are cool and some straight scandlous.i have a good time and try to keep up with good vibes.....but my strength is what i am lacking.....i need my super powers back.
  13. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    i feel for you Bogie i feel the same way that you do about 90% of the time, i also have a girl that i have loved for lack of a stronger word for a long long time, she has seen me go through girlfriend after girlfriend knowing damn well that i only want her yet nothing ever happens. i have contemplated and attempted suicide by rolling my truck down a steep street through many busy intersections, and the only thing that saved me was a call on my cell by her as i was going down the street, i think it was fate...but what do i know besides the fact that taking your life will not solve anything except for making things harder for everyone that really cares about you and im sure there are more than a few who do.shrinks are crap as far as im concerned they are weak minded individuals who only serve me the purpose of someone to fuck with mentally, but for some im sure that a shrink can do wonders if you let them in to what you think and feel...im kinda getting emotional with this so im gonna stop now...hope i was of some help

    the person who keeps me going on...
  14. If your credit is good, get yourself a brand new credit card, max the shit out of it, and go backpacking in some remote corner of the world, like Thailand or Indonesia. Sleep in youth hostels, spend entire nights staring at the stars and wake up to beach sunrises. When your money's all done with, come back.

    Sure, the debt will suck, but A) You viewed the world from a different angle, saw how big it is, and B) It'll give you an incentive to work harder so you can have these fulfilling experiences more often. Just don't get stuck in that routine of yours any longer. Do something completely irrational and out of the ordinary (like the example above) to kick you back into second gear. Beer,

    El Mamerro
  15. RaiD

    RaiD Guest

    man i hear you and i feel you. your not the only one and thats the truth, ive been through the same shit and i have the scars on my wrists to prove it. when i think about when i put the blade to my wrist now it seems like the stupidist childish thing to do, nowadays when i get fucking sad and shit i look to my wrists for motavation to remind me that no matter what happens no matter how much stress its still not worth it to just leave. suicide is a truly cowardly way out. why leave when you have the power to change the world. and you do have that power everyone does. its just a matter of choice. fuck this big plan your parents have, fuck school, fuck work, fuck a bunch of bitches that just try to make your life harder. if you see something in your life that bothers you do 1 of three things 1. CHANGE IT 2. FUCK IT 3. DESTROY IT. you dont have to go around sad all the time. thats just what assholes in the world want you to do. have self respect man if someone fucks with you no matter what they're size no matter how many people he has in they're crew just step to them not matter what happens you will have respect for yourself pain goes away but the knowledge that you stood up for yourself will be with you forever. and that goes with all situations friend if something in life is pushing you down everytime you come across is you push it back. all you can do in this life is be yourself and do your best, if thats not good enough for everyone else. fuck them. after this long ass post i think i should end with a motivating quote.

    "Thinking back when you were a lost and lonely kid, look back at the tragic and the damage that it did,still waiting for the day it all just goes away, thats who you are dont hide the scar, now you know the reason why your lifes so full of hate, throw a stone and im sure you will hit someone who will relate,and now you know the reason for the way you are,but your still wanting to believe that you can cover up the scar? DONT HIDE THE SCAR THAT WHO YOU ARE!:king: